


Negentropy

by ladymdc



Series: Who Needs the Sunshine When You're Here? [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Scientists, Anal Fingering, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Come Sharing, Crashing Together, Cullenlingus, Declarations Of Love, Email Pals, F/M, Fluff, Forgive Me, Hand Jobs, Healing hands, Hurt/Comfort, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Infertility, Light Dom/sub, Long-Distance Friendship, Lyrium Withdrawal, Massage, No Gentle Falling Here, Orgasm Control, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pregnancy Kink, Prostate Massage, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Magic, Switching, TAG ALL THE THINGS, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, There's A Tag For That, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, True Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, What Have I Done, Why is the Rum Gone?, fluffy-angst, now with art!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:21:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 78,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymdc/pseuds/ladymdc
Summary: Negentropy [n]: (1) negative entropy (2) the randomness/chaos a living system expels to keep its own entropy low to achieve order and organization, structure and function.Evelyn Trevelyan lives to create order out of disorder, but after the New Haven disaster she finally accepts the mysterious Nightingale's perpetual job offer, and she learns a little bit of entropy isn't so bad after all.(A love/smut story.)





	1. Deposition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheStinkyCheese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStinkyCheese/gifts).



> For my husband & beta (Black Heart)
> 
> [If you're only here for the smuts, seek out chapters with **]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deposition: (1) a thermodynamic process (2) a phase transition in which gas transforms into solid without passing through the liquid phase. (note: The reverse of deposition is sublimation and hence sometimes deposition is called desublimation.)
> 
> **i.e.:** Cullen finally meets the woman he's secretly in love with and discovers they went from email pals to something more long ago.
> 
> [small edits made in the sober light of day, like a chapter name & summary.]

Cullen knew better than to run a second circuit. Especially on a day like today. Most especially without dragging Dante along. Now he was Maker knew where and the sky was rumbling ominously. He picked up the pace, hoping against all hope he'd stumble upon him on the way back to Skyhold. Of course, Cullen didn't, and by the time it was visible off in the distance, it had started to rain.

Great.

He rested a moment on the only (thankfully covered) pedestrian bridge spanning the ravine encircling the compound to curse Dante and catch his breath, but mainly just to curse Dante. By some miracle of Andraste, Cullen caught sight of him through a copse of trees a short distance away by the ravine’s edge. He jogged over, agitation bubbling from his lips the moment in range.

“What in the Void are you-” Cullen quickly cut off once he realized Dante wasn't alone. He was sitting surprisingly close to _her._ Dr. Evelyn Isla Trevelyan. World-renowned lyrium physicist, engineer and Skyhold Synergy’s newest lead researcher at only twenty-seven years of age.

Unfortunately, the barrier erected to keep them dry shimmered momentarily, reacting to her stress. Dante whined _loudly._ Considering he was unusually large for a mabari (roughly the size of a small bear) the poor woman, sitting as she was, had to look up a little to level his pathetic gaze with a glare that mostly said _'please shut the fuck up.'_ Then, as if just the sight of her hadn't stuck him dumb enough, a sudden gust pressed wet leaves against the side of her spell, and yet the loose strands falling from her messy bun danced in the wind.

A semi-permeable barrier. Extraordinary...

“I have full clearance to be on the grounds.” The way her voice lilted the edges of her vowels and randomly dragged others out gave her Marcher accent a song-like quality that reminded Cullen of swaying reeds.

“I was talking to him. Not you. I'm not— I— You—” he fumbled spectacularly. Exasperated, Cullen sighed. He internally cursed himself for the inability to speak like an average person.

She turned a little more to look over her shoulder. Confusion instantly shifted into surprise when their eyes locked.

“Oh!” A lazy smile slowly bloomed across her lovely features. “If it isn't the elusive Commander Rutherford.” She scooted around to face him.

Feeling trapped by those haunting evergreen eyes, his heart began to speed up. Increasing further hearing his name in any capacity on her tongue. It increased even more so when her barrier washed over him, warm and familiar when it briefly touched his skin to encompass him in the dry, safe haven. Only then did he realize he had been standing in the rain, staring at her like some lackwit. He smoothed his hair back, wiped his face off on his sleeve and braved the opportunity to join her. As he sat, Cullen ruffled Dante’s ears in silent, begrudging thanks and if a mabari could look smug, smug, he looked indeed.

“I assume this is Dante then?” Cullen tipped his chin in confirmation at the same time Dante huffed and turned his snout up in the air away from them both. Trevelyan shot Cullen a bemused look. “Did I offend him?”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Dante is always offended.”

“No, no,” she demurred. “If I have offended, an apology is in order.” Dante looked sideways at her, and her smile grew. “Should I have just asked you?”

The dog grunted — _obviously._

“Now I know better. I'm glad you two were allowed to stay together.”

Dante allowed a little encouraging woof; stump waggling.

“The Order doesn't separate true imprints,” Cullen assured

“They shouldn’t separate the ones that aren’t.” There was something sad in her voice, and he regretted unintentionally causing it. She then leaned forward, and before Cullen could stop her, placed a hand on Dante. Right over the scar that split his dark fur from neck to rump. She noticed Cullen tense and her hand snapped back.

“I’m sorry. Did I overstep?” Dante whined and nudged her, but she ignored him.

“Apparently not. He usually doesn’t…”

“Like mages,” she finished flatly.

“People, in general,” Cullen corrected. “Touching him.”

Dante whined again and about shoved her over when he nudged her once more. Nervously, she laughed a little and patted him awkwardly on the head. Much to Cullen’s horror, Dante licked the entire side of her face in response. She squealed and then the beast did shove her over, right into Cullen’s lap. Intentionally.

“Knock it off you brute!” He snapped while trying to shield her from the slobbering assailant. Dante quickly sat back down looking quite pleased. Trevelyan was laughing so hard she was having trouble breathing.

“I’m so sorry, Commander,” she managed between gasps for air while scrambling to get off of him.

“Cullen,” he amended, helping her back up. “And I’m the one who should be apologizing. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“I think you do,” she hummed coyly, looking between them a moment. Dante managed to feign innocence and Cullen tried his best to look unaffected. Though the blush flaring mercilessly across his entire body was most definitely giving him away. Especially since his hold on her hand lingered considerably longer than appropriate. He released her, and she bit at her smile, blushing beautifully in return.

“Either way, I prefer to have introductions out of the way before I start face planting into people’s crotches.” Dante rumbled contritely and placed his paw on her extended hand. “Evelyn,” she chirped, giving Cullen a sidelong glance which only encouraged his blush to deepen further. “Excuse me,” she quickly apologized when her phone began to blare a soundtrack from _Sherlock._ “I need to take this.”

Evelyn hopped up and wandered to the edge of her barrier to have a rapid-fire, hushed conversation.

“Real subtle,” Cullen grumbled.

The mabari huffed impatiently.

“Please tell me you didn’t trap her here on purpose somehow…” His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth, and he grinned stupidly; head tilting toward the returning mage. Semi-annoyed and embarrassed as he was, Cullen couldn’t help but take her all in. Black running tights, vividly colored shoes, charcoal grey tank top a couple of sizes too large allowing him glimpses of her neon green and light grey sports bra.

“I’ve got to go, but if you’d like an umbrella,” she paused to gesture vaguely at herself with a wry half-smile. “I’d be happy to walk you both to your car.”

“It’d be appreciated,” he agreed, standing and taking a moment to brush off the vegetation that stuck to his behind. On the journey to their respective vehicles, Dante padded up next to him and walked obnoxiously close just to encourage Cullen closer to her. Their arms kept brushing together, and he was painfully aware she knew what Dante was up to. Thankfully Evelyn didn’t appear to be bothered by it. Still, Cullen would forever rue the day he pointed out the alluring Dr. Trevelyan to the mabari.

“It was nice to see you out of the lab,” he confessed, mainly to fill the somewhat uncomfortable silence stretching between them.

Evelyn shot him an amused look. “I can’t say I’ve ever even seen you.”

“My office overlooks your wing— Maker, that sounded creepy, didn’t it?” Cullen groaned, and Evelyn laughed.

“Not really. The whole damn building seems to be made of glass, but considering we've been corresponding together for over a year and are now working together in the same wing, apparently, have been for a week I might add, I'm a little surprised we haven't crossed paths before today.” Her tone was teasing, and perhaps a little chiding. “Still, it's nice to finally speak to you in the flesh, up close and everything. Your portrait in the Main Hall glaring at everyone doesn't do you justice.”

“I know Leliana and Josephine chose that one just to be assholes,” he groused, and Evelyn laughed some more. A light, honest sound he found himself wanting to hear on a regular basis.

“From what I've gotten to know of them, you're probably right.”

Dante snorted in agreement.

Cullen felt himself frown. “I haven't been avoiding you or anything terrible, I just... didn't know how to approach you." He unlocked his Outback and opened the back door for Dante. “You've done a lot for me, and I —”

“I'm going to stop you right there. Abrupt detox is difficult, and you contacted me for help.”

“And if you hadn’t— “

“Not responding was never an option. All I did was give you the information to hopefully succeed where too many others have failed, and succeed you did.” She smiled up at him. It was a little sad but trying.

Cullen knew her entire education and burgeoning career stemmed from watching her father waste away when Orzammar suspended the lyrium trade in 20:11 Griffon in response to the Chantry overstepping their reach. He knew General Trevelyan passed away before the Ciriane Accord reestablished trade lines. He knew her twin Ezmond was currently trying to detox while still recovering from the catastrophic terrorist attack on the New Haven Power Plant. Cullen knew Ezmond, and hundreds of others, only survived because Evelyn almost died stabilizing the reaction conditions. In fact, Cullen felt like he knew everything about her just as she knew practically everything about him.

They were… friends, that much was certain. Their correspondence continued seamlessly long after his withdrawals had ceased to be an issue. Perhaps it was the anonymity of emailing that made it so easy to open up to her. Or maybe it was just her. Either way, almost losing her was the catalyst for an ocean of complicated, irrational feelings. They were always there, just beneath the surface, but now there was no denying them.

“Not without you,” he murmured.

Dante whined in agreement, nuzzling at her hand. Her gaze flitted away; a surprisingly watery laugh escaped her and Evelyn scratched at Dante’s ear.

“I did worry about you.”

Hearing that made his heart skip one too many beats. Cullen rubbed his chest borderline concerned he was having a heart attack, which made him feel a little bit like a liar when he said: “You don’t have to worry anymore.”

“But I will,” Evelyn paused to clear her throat. “Just a little. The song will never fully dissipate. Especially if you’re around magic and lyrium frequently, and Skyhold seems to have an abundance of both.”

“I promise, it’s more than manageable.”

She opened her mouth to speak but promptly closed it when her phone started ringing. Evelyn cleared it without looking, and yet it started ringing again almost instantly as if she hadn't. Mumbling an apology, Evelyn switched it to ‘do not disturb.'

“I’d like to see you again.” The words tumbled from his mouth in a hurried rush the moment their gazes locked again. Softly smiling, her hand lifted between them, and after a moment of hesitation, it landed on his chest, right over his pounding heart.

“I'd like that.”

He sighed her name, unable to stop himself from reaching for her when she took a step back. Their fingers momentarily tangled together, but Cullen accidentally allowed her to slip from his grasp, stunned by something… _more_ shining in her eyes. The second his touch left, Evelyn’s warm smile shifted into something openly mischievous.

“It’s a good thing you know where to find me.” When she stepped out of the barrier, a small bubble broke off and stuck with her, sheltering her from the downpour. With a wink, she turned around and jogged toward the Skyhold Synergy compound.

Cullen had half a mind to follow after her. Especially now that he knew, beyond doubt, there was something there for her as well. Yes, she was running into the office, but it was a Saturday morning. Surely her project couldn't need urgent attention at such an early stage, but Dante disagreed — strongly.

The moment Cullen took a step forward Dante rumbled a warning. The second step answered with a grab at his shirt. Cullen flicked at his snout and accidentally made contact with her barrier, which popped like a soap bubble. Leaving them scrambling to get into the car and out of the rain.

Dante barked loudly repeatedly in reprimand — _I tried to stop you!_ — and shook off the rainwater, in the car, just to be a jerk. Still, Cullen couldn't help but laugh. She was right. He knew where to find her…

And bright and early on Monday morning, he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) I'm a little drunk tonight (celebrating the _merciful_ end of the thanksgiving shitshow that I endure yearly) so I'm posting this now because otherwise I never will. Honestly, I don't even know where this whole story is going to go. It's sole purpose is to fulfill an outlet for all my smut  & fluff... *shrugs*
> 
> (2) Ringtone = Sherlock's "Stag Night" from season 3. (I refuse to even consider about a modern world that doesn't have Sherlock, HP, GoT & a slew of other nerdy things.) And this ringtone belongs to Dorian, as it should.
> 
> (3) Comments/kudos are always welcome & appreciated, and if you feel so inclined, you can talk to me on here or [Tumblr](https://ladymdc.tumblr.com). I don't bite - unless you want me too. (Smirking Emoji)


	2. Decaying Orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decaying Orbit: An unstable orbit from which the orbiting object will gradually spiral into the body it is orbiting.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn begins her descent.

Sometime early on Tuesday morning, Evelyn started feeling a little bad for playing hard to get — i.e., hiding. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him. In fact, Evelyn wanted to really, _ really  _ bad in a way that was utterly embarrassing, but Cullen didn't need to know that, did he? Maybe he should? 

“Hey, Dorian? Do you think—” An over exaggerated, long-suffering sigh cut her off. 

“Evie, dear.” Dorian set the newspaper he’d been perusing down and plucked his glasses from the bridge of his nose to clean them off. “I think you're both being idiots.  _ Have been idiots,”  _ he spoke over her attempt at defending herself, “about this for far too long.” 

“It's complicated,” she pouted.

Dorian perched his glasses back onto his nose and leveled her with a pointed look. “It's really not.” 

“It is now!” Evelyn flipped the newspaper over and slapped at the headline he had been trying to hide.  _ Dr. Evelyn Trevelyan: The Herald of Andraste?  _ Wordlessly, Dorian picked it up, turned the page, folded it carefully and set it back down between them.  _ Halward Pavus Sentenced to Life.  _

Now Evelyn felt bad _ and  _ selfish. “How's your mother?” she inquired honestly. 

“Well considering, and despite initial projections, her support in the Magisterium has doubled throughout the trial so all her work won't be for naught at least.”

“And you?” The most important question. 

Dorian shrugged. “It's finally over.” He refolded the paper to display her headline.  _ “This,”  _ he pointed at the article for emphasis, “will blow over too. You'll just have an unfortunate moniker for the rest of your life like the Hero of Ferelden,” he chuckled. “Or the Champion of Kirkwall.” 

“How reassuring.” She swatted away the paper. 

Dorian reached over the desk and gently collected the ruins of her left arm. Scar tissue covered the entirety of it. Most of it was a silvery web, but there were dark red patches on her hand where the skin burned away under the strength of the overflow. 

It was not an attractive scar. 

He turned her hand over and ran his thumb across the worst of it in her palm. She hardly felt it. Modern medicine and magic could only do so much for nerve damage. 

“Using yourself as a conduit,” he chided gently. “Your survival was nothing short of a miracle.”

Evelyn felt herself blush. “Thanks again for visiting Ez and me in the hospital. It meant a lot.” 

“Of course I'd be there.” Dorian and his mother, her aunt, Nova, were all the family the twins had left. Dorian squeezed her hand. She squeezed back. “But you should thank Cullen for that, and you need to know, he was there too.”

_ That _ was news to her. 

Evelyn blinked at him. Unable to form words much less coherent thought. Dorian patted her hand before leaning back into his chair and smiling sadly. 

“Immediately after the attack air travel was grounded indefinitely, so Leliana offered the company jet, and Cullen pulled some strings to get it off the ground on the condition he came along. Who was I to say no?” Dorian smirked. “He visited every day you were unconscious.” Her body finally recovered from the shock, and her mouth opened. Dorian lifted his hand. “He swore me to secrecy on pain of death."

Evelyn shook her head. “So when I woke up, he what? Emailed me from the hotel?”

“I told you,” Dorian sighed. Exasperated. “You've both been idiots about this for  _ far — too — long.” _

This time she nodded in agreement. “So those red and yellow roses were from him, not you?” 

“Yes,” Dorian answered, expression grim. “And I'd rather you pepper him for the details since I do enjoy living.” 

Evelyn frowned. Suddenly feeling  _ terrible. _ How had she not realized Cullen was as invested into… whatever they were as much as she? Stumbling into him Saturday should have been proof enough, and yet a large part of her feared it had been nothing more than some form of hero worship for helping him through the lyrium withdrawals.

Perhaps if Evelyn hadn't camped out in Dorian's lab all day Monday ‘helping,’ Cullen would have had the opportunity to purge that fear from her system. Nevertheless, Cullen deserved to know the truth, and he definitely needed to know his feelings reciprocated — _entirely._ She pulled out her phone and stared at a blank message screen. Not having the slightest clue if now was a good time or what in the Void she should even say. But as fate would have it, Cole appeared. 

“Hello,” he chimed in that singsong way of his. “It's ‘try new things’ Tuesday.” Cole handed over a small bag and grande coffee to Dorian who instantly eyed the bag’s contents skeptically while sniffing the drink. 

Evelyn had only experienced one ‘try new things’ Tuesday so far but enjoyed it so much she had been looking forward to it considerably more than a normal person should. Cole had an insane knack for getting a read on people. It was almost like he could read minds. 

“You drink your lattes very slow,” Cole observed. She eagerly accepted the iced venti drink, despite never having tried iced coffee before, and whatever he decided she should eat for breakfast. “This way it's supposed to be cold, and you can keep it cold easily.” Of course, Cole somehow knew Fire wasn't her strong suit. It was either  _ burn the place down _ or  _ gentle warmth.  _ There was no  _ reheat coffee to satisfying temperature _ capability.

“Thanks, Cole. Do you happen to have Commander Rutherford's order still? I’m going to stop by his office and—”

“Cullen would like that very much!” Cole interrupted, smiling brightly. He handed over a small green smoothie and another nondescript bag then left without another word. 

“Look at you,” Dorian hummed with an arch of his brow. “Finally taking the initiative.” He took a tentative sip of his drink and groaned appreciatively. “That boy is a genius.”

Evelyn, straw in mouth, hummed an agreement (iced espresso was where it was at) and quickly typed out a message before courage failed her. She's had Cullen’s number  _ forever, _ but never once used it. 

**Contact:** CSR  
  
**Today** 07:45  
**Evelyn:** I confiscated your order from Cole. I hope you want to ‘try new things’ together.  


The moment Evelyn hit send, she regretted the phrasing, but before she could show Dorian how hilariously dirty it sounded, she had a reply. 

  
**Cullen:** You read my mind. My office or yours?  
  


Evelyn bit her lip, feeling the insane urge to squee like some lovesick adolescent. 

  
**Evelyn:** Yours. I want to see this view you have.  
  
**Cullen:** Office #304.  
  
**Cullen:** The view has been lacking so far this week.  
  
**Cullen:** I’m sorry. That was inappropriate.  
  
**Evelyn:** (Running man)(Dash Symbol ≊ Dashing)(Hot Beverage)(Fork And Knife)(Awkward Smiley Face)  
  
**Cullen:** I’m shit at emojis… Does that mean you’re still coming by or did I scare you off?  
  
**Evelyn:** (No Entry Sign ≊ Prohibited)(Face Screaming In Fear)  
  
**Cullen:** (Deadpan Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** Don't fret. I'm on my way. (Face Blowing A Kiss)  


Evelyn smirked at the typing bubble that popped up and vanished a time or two. She imagined Cullen was reeling over how to respond to that specific emoji. Not expecting a response promptly, Evelyn pushed herself out of the chair and switched her phone to ‘do not disturb’ before slipping it into the pocket of her blazer. 

Dorian looked over his frames at her. “I expect downright  _ raunchy _ details later.”

“I’ll aim to please,” she quipped, cramming the drinks into the carrier Cole conveniently left behind.

“That’s the spirit. Now, shoo!” He flapped the newspaper at her and Evelyn giggled. “Go defile his pristine office!”

The moment Evelyn slipped from Dorian’s office her anxiety kicked into high gear. She did her very best to walk at a normal, totally not at all hurried pace. Unfortunately, Skyhold was  _ huge,  _ sprawling out across its massive grounds, and the 5+ minute walk to the elevator for the central spire only made it that much worse. While waiting for the elevator, she managed to squash the urge to check her phone just to have something to do with her hands. Her team, most of them thankfully followed her willingly from Ostwick, were still setting stuff up in their new space and wouldn’t need anything from her, and Evelyn seriously doubted Cullen would reply before she arrived. She had the sneaking suspicion his correspondence very carefully crafted, and texting was obviously new territory. 

When the doors finally opened Evelyn almost plowed right into the Nightingale herself. The immaculately dressed woman gestured vaguely at the items Evelyn was carrying. “It’s about time you two stopped being idiots,” she said in a smooth, lilting Orlesian accent. Eyes twinkling playfully. 

“Um,” Trevelyan fumbled, completely blown off course. To say she hadn't even remotely expected the president herself to know about the weird relationship her and Cullen were just now muddling through was a massive understatement. Not to mention joking about fraternization or blatantly calling Evelyn an idiot. “That’s the fourth time today I've been called an idiot, and I’ve only been awake two hours,” she managed to joke. 

The redhead stepped out of the elevator. “Forgive me. I know more than I should. The Rutherford’s are family to me. Well, almost,” she amended mysteriously with a lazy smile. “I’m glad you finally accepted my offer.”

Evelyn had no idea how to address ‘the Nightingale.’ Ma'am? Seemed more appropriate than using her unique nickname. “I only wanted to see my project get off the ground ma'am.” 

“Leliana,” she corrected, wedging her foot by the door to hold the elevator. “I'm sorry that maniac took that from you.”

Evelyn shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“You won't be disturbed here by the press or anyone else you don't want to be bothered by. I can promise you that. Our lawyer is called Madame de Fer for a reason. Welcome aboard.” Leliana stuck her hand out, and Evelyn accepted. Her grip was firm, the handshake brisk but friendly. 

“Glad to be here, and honestly, I'm thrilled to hear I'll be left alone.” 

Leliana smiled reassuringly. The profound understanding in her eyes undeniable. “Cullen’s office is the only one on the third floor beside the vidcom room. See you around.” 

Evelyn moved quickly into the elevator, and the doors whisked shut behind her. She'd have to figure out where the stairs were for future visits. Elevators were far down on the list of things Evelyn enjoyed, but the glass one she now found herself in was terrifying. Luckily, and unluckily, it moved  _ fast.  _ The doors opposite the ones she entered opened, which was ideal since the elevator ran along the  _ outside _ of the tower. Evelyn was deposited into a long hallway with black marble walls, a floor-to-ceiling window at the far end and three doors; one on each side of where she stood and one at the far end, probably said stairs she wanted to find. The vidcom room labeled as such with substantially sized frosted letters on the wall next to an opaque door. The door on her left was black glass and had hilariously tiny lettering: 

_ Commander C.S. Rutherford _

_ Military Liaison  _

_ Suite #304 _

But then she looked through the door and managed to make out Cullen doubled over his desk, pinching at the bridge of his nose and all traces of amusement vanished. She fumbled for her badge hoping she had clearance. The door  _ clicked _ open, and Cullen’s head snapped up. Instantly, he winced. 

“I’m okay.” 

“Liar,” she hissed, practically dropping the food and drinks onto a nearby table to rush to the  _ wall  _ of nothing but fucking window. Allowing the bright ass morning sun to shine  _ directly _ into the room. “Where are the controls for the damn shades!?”

Cullen vaguely gestured toward the opposite side of the room, but Evelyn didn't want him to suffer while she helplessly looked around. She put her hand on the glass and coated the surface with hoarfrost. The room dimmed considerably, and it was cold enough outside that it shouldn't melt anytime soon. 

“Ev… I'm sorry,” he managed, avoiding her gaze. 

“There's nothing to apologize for,” she snapped, rubbing her hands together to warm them up before discarding her coat on a nearby chair. As she approached, Cullen straightened enough to give Evelyn leverage to force him to sit down. He plopped down into the chair with an  _ oof  _ and another wince. “Where is it the worst?” Evelyn sighed. Concern finally overpowering her panicked worry.

“Behind my right eye,” Cullen croaked, eyes burning a hole in the floor beneath him. Without hesitation, Evelyn pulled the chair closer and leaned against the desk before carding her fingers into his golden curls. Palms cradling the sides of his head. 

“This is going to feel weird,” she warned. Cullen grunted some form of acknowledgment. “I have to go slow, or you'll get physically ill. Okay?” His chin tipped, just barely, and only then did Evelyn begin to soothe away his migraine. He tensed, hands curling into fists, eyes  _ squeezing _ shut.

“Is this making you nervous?” Evelyn asked, rubbing her thumbs in little circles on his temples for emphasis. Genuinely concerned some line was being crossed by not asking permission first.

“You make me nervous,” Cullen whispered. 

She chuckled. “Would you like me to stop?”

“No. Just keep talking,” he sighed, posture finally relaxing some. “Please.”

“What was the trigger?”

“Stress.” 

Evelyn glanced around the room. His laptop wasn't on, phone still in night mode. “Because of me?”

“Yes. No… Fuck, it's complicated.”

“That's what I said earlier.” His eyes peeked open, and Evelyn felt herself smile. “Then Dorian called me an idiot.”

Cullen frowned. “That wasn't very nice of him.”

“He's family,” Evelyn shrugged. “He gets a pass, Leliana on the other hand.” 

He gaped at her. “She called you an idiot!?”

“Technically they called us both idiots.” Cullen blushed, and Evelyn bit at her smile, enjoying the position she found herself in  _ immensely. _ Cullen had a good foot on her 5’5” stature and looking down at him was  _ doing things _ to her. “But she said you two were  _ almost  _ family, so…” she trailed off leadingly. 

Cullen made a face. Fond exasperation, perhaps. “She's engaged to my older sister Mia.”

“I guess she gets a pass then too. You, however,” Evelyn tightened her hold on his head momentarily for emphasis, “don't get a pass.”

“I’d never call you an idiot.” He sounded offended. Adorably so. 

“No,” Evelyn agreed amicably. “But you implied it when you came to visit me after New Haven and then assumed I'd never find out.” Cullen turned about five different increasing shades of pink before settling on something close to ’lyrium red.’ His mouth opened and closed a time or two.

“It's fine Cullen,” she cooed. “Seeing you would’ve been a nice surprise, but I understand why you didn't.”

“I don't think you do,” Cullen rumbled quietly. 

“Want to elaborate?” 

“Yes, but I can't even think with you…” he gestured vaguely in her general direction. Blush somehow deepening. “So close.”

“I'm almost done. I’m just healing everything I can find since I have my hands on you. You should have had someone do this ages ago,” Evelyn scolded. 

“I didn’t want  _ someone _ to do it,” he murmured, snatching up her hands as they withdrew. Her heart began to slam in her chest, blood rushing through her ears. Could he hear that? She could practically hear nothing else. Barely catching his softly spoken: “I wanted you.”

“Well,” she began, feigning confidence she didn’t truly feel, “you have me now, so what are you going to do about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) OMG the HTML for that text messaging nonsense _sucked!!!!_ It's coded for iOS, so apologies to anyone reading this with Android because the emojis don't line up right - I've checked... =\ (i.e.: the awkward smile she sends to Cullen looks like a terrified grimace on Android...)
> 
> (2) In this AU lyrium isn't "alive." Now, it's a just a useful, magical mineral or element (used for introducing Templar abilities and occasionally for medical purposes). And red lyrium is radioactive (a power source, unsafe to handle, etc.)


	3. Mass Transfer**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mass Transfer (astrophysics): the process by which matter gravitationally bound to a body, usually a star, fills its Roche lobe and becomes gravitationally bound to a second body, usually a compact object (white dwarf, neutron star or black hole), and is eventually accreted onto it.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Confessions are made & a binary system is formed.
> 
>  **OR:** Evelyn swallows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: hand jobs, blow jobs, orgasm delay/denial]

Time seemed to freeze the moment that sentence left her. Everything was so still, so quiet. Evelyn wasn’t confident they were even breathing anymore. 

Mercifully, it began to flow again the second Cullen released her, blinking up at her as if coming out of some trance. Evelyn inhaled in a much needed deep breath and released it on a shaky exhale. Worried she had gone too far until he finally broke the incredible silence in a low, husky voice. 

“Probably complicate things further.”

“Or uncomplicate things...” Evelyn stammered. Cullen stood then. Sudden and without warning. The only other sound besides the chair rolling back was her gasp at the abrupt shift in positioning and how disorienting it was. Cullen  _ towered _ over her, a solid wall of muscle and sharp angles that was almost intimidating, but Evelyn felt anything but.

Both of his hands lifted. 

Hesitated.

“I want you too,” Evelyn whispered.

All the air in his lungs appeared to leave at once. Gusting across her upturned face, warm and minty before Cullen descended upon her with a gentleness that felt out of place in the intensity of their situation. His large, calloused hands cradled her face as his lips glided effortlessly, fitting perfectly against hers like some damned cliché.

The moment her lips parted, giving Cullen access to deepen the kiss, a low growl began low in his chest, and rose, dancing across his exploring tongue as the kiss instantly turned hard as if he’d been  _ starved  _ for far too long. Evelyn eagerly returned his ferocity,  _ completely _ starved herself. His cock, hard and heavy against her stomach, told her Cullen was just as wound up as she and Evelyn felt herself clench in response. 

Eventually, Cullen broke away. His pupils were blown wide. The flecks of gold in his amber eyes seemed to glow creating a brilliant ring of molten gold swallowed by black. His thumb brushed under her eye. “You are…” Cullen began, swallowing thickly. He leaned down a little more; bunching her dress around her hips before lifting her. Evelyn went willingly, settling onto the desk. 

“Hm?” she hummed, resting her hands on his solid chest. Cullen had removed his tie, which was on the desk beside her, and unbuttoned the several top buttons before she arrived. Probably just to cool himself off in the midst of his episode. Still, it gave her a convenient, teasing glimpse of dark, golden chest hair. She could feel his heart beating rapidly, which only encouraged her own to increase it’s already frantic pace.

“Everything,” he concluded, unraveling the artfully draped scarf around her neck. It slipped from his fingers, falling heavily to the floor at his side. His hand tangled in her hair at the base of her skull and tugged to encourage her to bare her neck to him. Evelyn moaned as her hands fisted into his shirt. Cullen nipped experimentally at the base of her neck. His tongue immediately dragged against her soft skin to soothe away the sting. He hummed a pleased sound, mouth moving up to her ear.

“More than I could have imagined.” He shifted, and Evelyn heard a  _ click _ and an electric hum. She managed to turn a little to look at the door. It was now opaque and probably, hopefully, deadbolted. Evelyn wrapped her legs around him, enjoying the way he pressed his hardness into her with a low sound in his chest.

“And yet it isn’t enough,” he rumbled. Evelyn whimpered, reflexively grinding against him in an attempt to relieve the building tension. This earned her a sharp inhale, his hold on her hair spasming, becoming near painful before loosening. Emboldened, Evelyn untucked his shirt and deftly unfastened the remaining buttons. He watched her with rapt attention. 

“What will be enough?” She wondered, pushing the shirt open. Evelyn felt the dips in his muscle, following the defined lines down low. Pausing at his waistband where she let her fingers hook into his pants. Her other hand stroked the hard line of his shaft through his clothing. She saw the split-second Cullen nearly lost all sense but quickly regained his fragile control, his face dipping low to rest their foreheads together with a deep sigh. Both his hands had moved to her hips, grip tight, pressing into her soft curves with a sense of urgency.

“Be mine,” he managed. Evelyn slid her hand along him once, twice, adding a firmer touch on the third pass and he gasped, leaning down to brush their lips together. Just barely. As if her answer more important than his need. 

“I already am,” Evelyn confessed, keeping her hand on him while undoing his belt. Cullen cursed under his breath, eyes momentarily squeezing shut. His belt buckle jangled once freed, and his eyes snapped open again.

“There's no one else?” The question asked with a quiet intensity. 

Evelyn paused her ministrations, shaking her head. “You?”

“Maker, no. Just you.” His voice was low and rough enough to make her shiver. Evelyn unbuttoned and unzipped him slowly, relishing the hitch in his already labored breathing.

“That's good. Otherwise, this would be inappropriate,” she quipped. A breathless laugh escaped him but it quickly dissolved into a groan of deep satisfaction when Evelyn reached underneath his clothes to take his cock in hand. She stroked him slowly, impressed with his self-restraint when all Cullen did was tighten his hold on her hips. 

Evelyn could get used to having this kind of power over him. 

“Anything else?” She purred.

“I need to be inside you,” Cullen breathed. The wetness between her legs was reaching levels near unbearable, and hearing that didn't help  _ at all,  _ but… 

“You want our first time to be on a desk?” Not that  _ she _ cared, but Evelyn knew Cullen well enough to know he would.

“Not at all,” he groaned, capturing her lips for a brief, passionate kiss. “There's supposed to be a goddamned bed at least.”

“Then let me take care of you. You can make it up to me later,” Evelyn grinned. Cullen pulled back and blinked at her a moment before nodding almost mechanically. His cock throbbed in her hand with agreement. “Sit.” 

Cullen took a step back, taking his dick and balls entirely out of his pants before taking a seat. Legs canted wide, shirt thrown open. Evelyn stepped close, carding her fingers through his loose golden curls. Once again enjoying standing over him a little - and the view it provided of course. 

“You look like you've been in this position a time or two,” she teased. Cullen flushed a gentle tide of pink that washed across his cheeks and chest. 

“I can honestly say I haven't.” 

She believed him.

Evelyn ran her nails across his scalp. Cullen hissed in a breath and lazily began to stroke himself while she appraised him a moment. “You're beautiful,” she murmured. His eyes flitted away, and a barely audible  _ Maker’s breath  _ touched her ears. His blush deepened and expanded to his ears and crept farther down his torso. Unexpectedly though, the feeling of inadequacy punched her in the gut like a ton of bricks. Evelyn hoped Cullen didn't notice.

He did. 

His eyes snapped to hers; Cullen went very still. “Don't.” 

“I'm not.”

“Liar! Your entire aura shifted.”

“Fucking traitor,” Evelyn deadpanned, trying her very best to gloss over it. She didn't want her hangups to ruin the moment because what was happening between them was unexpected and monumental and  _ extraordinary. _

“Unbelievable,” Cullen muttered, trying to wipe away the smile tugging at his mouth. He shook his head, fondly exasperated, and grabbed her unmarked hand, luckily considering she was right-handed and wrapped it around his length. “Does this feel like I don't want you?” Evelyn managed to shake her head. Mind going utterly blank under the intensity of his stare. His hand moved with hers, twisting a little on each upstroke. “That I don't—”

Evelyn leaned forward and licked into his mouth just because she could. His hands moved to hold her to him. Evelyn swirled her hand around the head of his cock, slicking her hand with precome to ease her strokes and Cullen moaned loudly into the kiss. 

She broke away and dropped to her knees. The floor cold and hard, but a small price to pay to have him laid out before her in all his glory. His hands hovered in the air a moment where she had just been before gathering her wavy locks in one hand. Cursing under his breath when she pressed feather soft kisses to the side of his length where a vein bulged out. 

“You're… stunning Evelyn,” he breathed, watching her stroke him slowly and appreciate his manhood. 

“I want you to… I want— mah— ahhh,” he nonsensically babbled when she took just the tip into her mouth and lightly sucked. Basking in his reactions, Evelyn pulled more of him into her.

“Maker your mouth,” Cullen groaned loudly. He was surprisingly _ noisy _ in the heat of things, and it drove her absolutely wild. She listened to his breathing and the way his cries lifted and crested, using them to help her determine what, exactly, he liked best.

“Oh, yes,” Cullen moaned when she flattened her tongue along him; bobbing and stroking what she couldn't fit into her mouth in tandem. Her other hand tended to his sack. “Yes, yes.”

Evelyn smirked around him, glancing up to take him in. His eyes shut, mouth caught on a sigh. She reached up to run a fingernail around his nipple. It pebbled beneath her fingertip. He twitched in her mouth; his entire chest flushed pink. Evelyn pulled off him with a wet  _ pop.  _

“Cullen.” 

His eyes blinked open, struggled, finally focused on her. 

“What do you want?”

“Move in with me.” 

_ No…  _

_ YES! _

“Why?” She asked instead. When he hesitated to answer, Evelyn took him back into her mouth to encourage him along. 

“Because I… shit, watching you…” He blushed deeper. “I can't even  _ think.” _

“I don't want you to think, Cullen.” He moaned loudly at the purr of his name. “I want you to  _ talk.” _

“Evelyn…” A warning. “I’m going to come.”

Tasting salt she pulled back to press more kisses against that vein. “Not until you tell me,” she murmured, halting her efforts completely. Cullen made a sound somewhere between a strangled laugh and a choked sob. His thigh muscle twitched against her arm, and Evelyn cooed gentle, encouraging endearments, shifting to rub at it with her free hand.

“I love you,” he rasped.

While not what Evelyn was even remotely expecting she, thankfully, didn't miss a beat. Locking him under her gaze, she readily confessed: “I love you too.” It was like a weight lifted off her shoulders. From his as well based on how all the tension seemed to leave his body at once. Evelyn began to stroke him again. Pace tortuously slow. Motions precise.

“Evelyn… I… I  _ need _ you.”

“I already told you,” she murmured against him, “I’m yours.” At that Cullen came with a breathless shout. Evelyn swallowed his spend, working him tenderly through the aftershocks. 

“I need you,” he repeated quietly this time, grabbing at her to pull her into his lap. Cullen kissed her deeply for what felt like hours. One hand had slipped up her dress to palm at her breasts, feel the curves of her waist. He broke away, harshly breathing as he cupped her sex. Evelyn whimpered, her need  _ beyond  _ manageable. 

“‘Try new things’ Tuesday is turning out to be my favorite day,” Evelyn managed. 

Cullen snorted. “Do you need to be here today?”

“No.” Her voice was breathy and full of apparent  _ need.  _ “I worked all weekend, so my staff could tweak everything to their liking before we launch.” 

“Come home with me. Look at the place, think on what I said at least,” Cullen shrugged, all traces of his previous self-consciousness and unease soothed away from her touch and their mutual confessions. Then, as if she needed any form of persuasion, he rubbed teasingly at her aching mound. His cock twitched with renewed interest against her hip when she moaned. 

“You’re  _ evil,” _ Evelyn complained. 

“I have a bed,” Cullen smirked. 

She swatted playfully at his chest,  _ forcing _ herself to get off of him. Evelyn straightened out her dress and shook out her hair. “I would hope so if I’m going to move in,” she hummed looking sideways at him. Cullen, who was putting himself back together, went completely still.

“I do hope you’re not joking.”

A lazy smile bloomed across her face. “I’ve been crashing on Dorian’s couch while I look for a place and it’d be wonderful to be in a bed, having loud, wonderful sex.” Evelyn leaned up to kiss Cullen when he stepped close. He groaned into her mouth. “Instead of listening to it,” she finished seriously. Dorian and Bull were obnoxiously  _ loud. _ Cullen chuckled. “I can still look for a place. That way if it doesn’t work out, I’ll have somewhere to go.” 

“It’ll work.”

“You haven’t even asked Dante,” she teased. 

“I doubt he lets you leave the house once you arrive.” Cullen grinned at her, buttoning up his shirt. “My car or yours?”

“Yours,” she answered easily, collecting her coat. “No car… No house… Traveled a long distance with only a suitcase full of clothes… You’ve acquired yourself a hobo.” Evelyn threw her arms out for emphasis. 

“Only  _ a _ suitcase?”

“Too many reminders,” she said simply. Cullen's smile faded. “Ez is staying there until he’s on his feet. I told him to do what he likes with it all when he’s ready to move on. Everything important is already at my father’s estate,” Evelyn shrugged.

His hand trailed down the ruins of her arm, and she felt herself blush. Hating the physical reminder, she shifted her weight uneasily. “Have the rest of your clothes sent over at least.” Cullen’s eyes were fixated on her hand, turning it over in his own and examining it. A soft sound left his throat. “To think…”

“I didn’t.” 

“You almost did.” 

“Was it terrible?” He nodded, leaning down to brush their lips together. It pained her to think Cullen stressed over her enough to lapse into _any_ withdrawal episodes. “I’m sorry. I would have done _something_ if I had known this,” she paused waving her hand vaguely between them, “is what it is.”

“Me too, but it doesn’t matter, you’re here now.” He tangled their fingers together, quickly reaching underneath the desk. The door clicked and hummed again, glass going transparent. And then they left. 

The conversation flowed seamlessly, and they only endured one or two knowing looks on the way from the building. Cullen informed her a good portion of the upper echelon knew of their long-distance friendship and continuously pressured him to turn it into the relationship it apparently was. Which was flattering considering she barely knew any of them. It spoke volumes on how he spoke of her. Turning her into a mushy pile of goo as if he wasn’t already ideal enough. 

Only in the car did she check her phone. She fired off a few quick email responses, texted Sera and Rylen that she’d be out for the remainder of the day then finally opened the messages from Dorian… 

**Contact:** Dorian Pavus  
  
**Today** 08:13  
**Dorian:** Remember: Don't be an idiot.  
  
**Dorian:** I don't think I can wait! Give me live updates!  
  
**Dorian:** Hurry! Now! I need them!  
  
**Dorian:** I swear to the Maker woman, you better have his cock in your mouth.  
  


Evelyn smirked, quickly typing out a response to put him out of his faux misery. 

  
**Today** 09:28  
**Evelyn:** I did.   
  
**Evelyn:** (Face With Open Mouth)(Eggplant)(Raised Fist)(Spashing Water Droplets)  
  
**Dorian:** (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Party Popper)(Dancing Woman)  
  
**Evelyn:** He asked me to move in.  
  
**Dorian:** Are you serious?  
  
**Evelyn:** Completely.  
  
**Dorian:** Will you?  
  
**Evelyn:** I told him we could test it out while I look for a place. We’re headed over there now.  
  
**Dorian:** Do it! Don’t be *an idiot*!!! You two have gone about this all ass backward.  
  
**Evelyn:** It wasn’t intentional.  
  
**Dorian:** And have a lot of catching up to do.  
  
**Evelyn:** I’m starting to see that. He said he loved me.  
  
**Dorian:** I hope you told him the truth.  
  
**Evelyn:** Of course.  
  
**Dorian:** Good, now stop stressing about it all and enjoy it - finally.  
  
**Evelyn:** I will. Thanks for everything.  
  
**Dorian:** No need.  
  


 

Her conversation with Cullen had trailed off while she chatted with Dorian and it must have made him uneasy. Being a retired Templar didn’t help any. They hadn’t been around each other long enough for him to have a good handle on the shifts of her aura. The tightness in it — the  _ regret  _ — was from the realization of how much time they’ve wasted, from what she almost didn’t experience altogether, not from him or being in his car or anything ridiculous like that which was probably what he was thinking. 

“Everything okay?” Cullen wondered. 

Evelyn reached over and took his offered hand, settling more comfortably into the seat. “For the first time in awhile, everything is perfect.”

And the smile that stretched across his face in response told her Cullen felt _precisely_ the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Whew... Glad to have that out of my system. Who writes smut at work? *raises hand* I do... The answer is me...
> 
> (2) Sera is a chemical engineering whiz & Rylen is Evelyn's assistant, because why not. :)


	4. Binary System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Binary System: a system of two astronomical bodies which are close enough that their gravitational attraction causes them to orbit each other around a barycenter.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Cullen convinces Evelyn to move in and they begin to settle into their newly established relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cue suspenseful music* 
> 
> What if when Fen'Harel tore the Veil down, instead of the Fade consuming/decimating Thedas, the opposite happened and reality more heavily enforced? 
> 
> *suspenseful music ends*
> 
> This my readers, is what created this AU… Now everyone has normal, boring, not well-remembered dreams just like you & I. The ability to wield magic is rare, and since Demons have what they wanted (to be in Thedas like the Maker’s other children) the threat of possession is nonexistent, unlike the days of old. Now, magic is seen as gift & a blessing from Andraste herself. Thus Evelyn’s unfortunate label (The Herald of Andraste) for using her magic to neutralize the catastrophic effects of New Haven's (red lyrium) reactor meltdown.
> 
> As with any gift, some abuse it - thus the need for Templars to serve in the military (special ops) like Cullen. Plus spells can go awry, Demons are still running around pissed off they're not revered like Spirits/mages, etc. Templars also man prisons (for people like Halward) like Carter does or use their abilities for medical/research purposes like Evelyn’s twin, Ezmond. 
> 
> (Obviously, I’m thinking very hard about a background for all this fluff & smut for some weird reason… *shrugs*)

There was something that felt… right, _complete,_ about having her sitting in his car, messing with his radio. They seemed to have similar tastes in music, at least until she flipped it to the last programmed station. Her nose scrunched up when country filtered in through the speakers.

“Ick.”

Cullen chuckled. “Most of it _is_ shit, but give Zac Brown and Casey Donahew a chance before you make that face at me.”

“For you?” One corner of her mouth lifted lazily. “Anything,” she chirped, leaving the station where it was and leaning back into her seat.

His heart did that weird stutter thing that happened whenever she said anything even hinting at her dedication to him. He glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye. Still caught off guard by what just happened between them, how it had merely occurred and how absolutely _earth-shattering_ it had been.

“What did Cole get you for breakfast?” If — _when_ — Cullen needed help with… _things,_ he had half a mind to ask Cole. Evelyn picked up the bags, searching for clues to which one was hers. Eventually, she pulled out a little card.

“You eat slowly too,” she read aloud then snorted. “He's got me there. Do you have a problem with me eating _slowly_ in here?” Cullen shook his head. She flipped the card over. “What’s a cronut?”

“Heaven.”

“Can't be better than what I had earlier.”

That startled a laugh from him even as heat lashed across his entire body, his heart skipping one too many beats again. This woman was going to be the death of him. Cullen cleared his throat, shifting to readjust himself since _all_ the blood in his body rushed to his cock at the recollection. Noticing, of course, her smile grew.

“It's like a donut, and a croissant had a baby.” Somehow, he managed to sound only a little affected.

Evelyn pulled out the chocolate covered pastry and hummed some little-intrigued sound before taking a bite. “Oh my god,” she moaned, making the sudden ache in his cock _worse._ “This is _amazing…”_

“What did I get?”

She took another quick bite and tucked it back into her bag before rustling around in his. “Looks like the same. That's odd isn't it?”

“It is…” Cullen felt himself frown. Cronuts were his favorite. There was nothing new about them. “Did he leave a note for me too?”

“Ah, yes, here it is.” She plucked it out. There was a subtle shift in her aura. It was uncanny how attuned Cullen was to the mage as if he’d known her forever. But perhaps he was only hyper-aware since when he visited Evelyn in the hospital, he had been desperately feeling for any sign she’d open her eyes again.

“What is it?”

“It says: ‘You're welcome,’” Evelyn said quietly. Cullen made a mental note to thank Cole for whatever he said or did to get her to reach out to him. Maker knows as much as Cullen wanted to, he probably never would have found the courage to do it himself.

“Want to tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked since her aura was now draping over him, heavy and inert like some sort of sad blanket.

“Yes and no.”

Cullen allowed the silence to stretch. Letting her decide if she wanted to elaborate without any pressure from him. Making a decision didn't take long. He was glad she chose to confide in him, less glad she wouldn't look at him. Her evergreen eyes fixated on the landscape out the passenger window.

“I wonder… would I have made the same choices if I knew how you felt?”

Cullen reached over for her hand. Noticing how she subtly flinched when he touched the worst of it. Of course, the scar was a terrible physical reminder, but it was the result of doing something selfless and _great._ Evelyn would learn soon enough he had his scars and that they were left behind by enduring something awful. Not that the comparison mattered, but her negative body image weighed heavy on his heart, and perhaps the knowledge would help her in some way.

“Of course you would have,” Cullen answered with utter sincerity.

Her head nodded, grip tightening on his hand a moment. “I don't regret it.”

“You shouldn't.” The air lifted, and Cullen breathed a little easier for having comforted her.

She finally looked at him. “If I had known New Haven would’ve never happened.”

Cullen frowned. “I never would have asked you to give anything up for me. It's largely why I never said anything.” That and he was a coward.

“You wouldn't have had to ask.” Her softly spoken words squeezed at his heart. Touched him deep in his soul.

But instead of saying something sweet and caring in return, he said: “What happened wasn't your fault.” It just sort of tumbled out of his mouth involuntarily. Cullen grimaced as her aura stuttered as if he had physically wounded her before mercifully evening back out. Evelyn however, didn’t even flinch. She only hummed a little noncommittal sound.

He was legitimately starting to worry the mage had PTSD. She was a goddamned academic, not a soldier. What she had prevented, and ultimately survived, _was_ horrific he suddenly realized. The technology was ready. Sound. Never before had a Demon sought to go after a mage so drastically before.

“I’m sorry,” he offered sheepishly.

“Don’t be.” Evelyn untangled their fingers to hold his hand in both of hers. Her fingertips began to ghost across his skin. Tracing little nicks and scars left behind by his woodworking. It was distracting, in a good way, and Cullen found himself speeding down the backroads a little faster than usual. Eager to get home and have his hands on her too. 

“Do you think Cole is a Spirit?” she asked after an extended period of comfortable silence.

“I’ve entertained the thought before, but it’s unlikely.”

“Why do you say that?”

Cullen shot her a bemused look. “They’re put in protection programs for a reason. If Cole is a Spirit, he’s playing a very dangerous game with his own life.”

“I don’t know,” Evelyn hummed thoughtfully. “He might be in one.”

“What do you mean?”

“He lives across the street from Dorian, and I don’t know if you’ve ever met Bull…” she trailed leadingly. Cullen nodded in affirmation. “Then you know he’s _huge,_ even for a Qunari, and he used to be Ben-Hassrath, but do spies _really_ retire?”

Cullen did not know that about Bull, but he couldn’t help but tease her. “Not reaching at all are you?”

Evelyn pinched his forearm, and he yelped a little, surprised sound of protest. It was embarrassing, but worth it because she giggled.

“Seriously though!” she continued. “And he works at Skyhold. The place is a fortress with _four_ mages and a large handful of Templars at its disposal. What Demon would dare go after him?”

Cullen frowned. He honestly hadn’t looked at it like that before. “You’re not going to ask him are you?”

“Maker no! I wouldn’t dream of threatening to uproot his entire life here just to sate my curiosity.” Evelyn released his hand to take a couple more bites of her pastry. Eats slowly indeed… He wrapped his hand around her thigh, catching the small, warm smile gracing her lips.

“Are we almost there?” She asked suddenly. “I have to use the tinkle-torium.”

Cullen huffed out an involuntary chuckle. “Tinkle-torium?”

She smiled sweetly at him. “I can call it whatever you like: Restroom. Powder room. Loo. Privy. Crapper. Flowerpot. Throne room…” Evelyn trailed off, amused when he began laughing in earnest. “I would have gone at work had I known you—”

“We,” Cullen corrected, and her smile grew.

“We,” she amended, “live out in BFE.”

“We're here." Cullen gave her thigh a light squeeze before removing his hand to turn onto the private drive that would lead to the house. When they emerged from the tree line, she clicked her tongue.

“Cullen, this is too much. I can’t—”

“You can,” he argued, parking the car. Behind his house, a modest two-story structure, the morning sun gleamed off the still waters of the lake, chasing away the heavy mist gathered along the bank. Off in the distance, the Frostbacks rose up into the sweet blue of the cloudless sky. It was a breathtaking view, but it had nothing on Evelyn. Cullen turned in the seat to face her, reaching over to brush a stray lock of hair back into place. “If you want to.”

Her brow dipped down; mouth opening to speak, but promptly closed with an audible click.

“I _want_ you to. I meant what I said, Evelyn. I love you. I have for awhile, but I never thought--” She shifted suddenly, unbuckling her seatbelt to tuck her feet under herself and lean over the console in one fluid motion, silencing him with a soft kiss.

“I love you, Cullen. Never doubt it again. Okay?”

Cullen held her to him, brushing his nose alongside hers before tasting her gently again. It still felt like a dream. All of it. He wondered if it would ever stop feeling this way.

“Stay,” he breathed.

“As I said,” she began. Voice equally quiet. “I’d do anything for you.” He kissed her deeply then, but Cullen broke away before he could lose himself entirely. There would be plenty of time for that later.

“Let’s go give Dante the good news,” Cullen hummed. Evelyn looked unsure of herself for the first time since their first kiss earlier that day. “It’ll be fine. Trust me.”

She nodded slowly, brushing the backs of her fingers against his stubble before pulling away to exit the vehicle. Usually, Dante wouldn’t come out to meet Cullen upon arriving home. The mabari knew the car, knew one door would open and then close. But the split-second Dante heard a second car door open, he’d be out of the house in an instant out of sheer curiosity. Cullen smiled privately to himself the moment her door opened after his.

“Dante,” Cullen greeted when he came around the side of the house, “I’ve offered this kind hobo a place to live.” He gestured toward _his_ incredible woman for emphasis.

Evelyn laughed bodily and the _look_ the mabari leveled at him was priceless. After a heavy beat, glaring at Cullen just to get his point across — _how dare you call her a hobo —_ Dante padded over to the mage and nudged her. Without hesitation she scratched his shoulder, leaning down to murmur something for his ears only. Stump waggling, he let out a low, pleased hum.

“I told you it’d be fine,” he grinned. Dante barked an agreement. Cullen took the drink carrier from her, finally noticing there was something tucked into it for him.

“Sorry about your smoothie,” she frowned, plucking the drink out to examine the unfortunate looking, semi-separated concoction. “I forgot it was in there. I can’t fix that.”

Cullen shrugged, punching the code into the front door to unlock it. “It probably had elfroot in it. It usually does, but I’m sure I won’t need it as much anymore.” Maker help him, she blushed.

Evelyn wandered into the open den area and spun around in a slow circle before tugging off her knee-high boots and setting them in the entryway. She smiled softly at him, then went straight into the dining area to place the bags and her clutch down on the large farmhouse style table. Her fingertips skimmed across the surface.

“Did you make this?”

He knew it was coming and still couldn’t help but feel a little awkward about it. Cullen leaned against the wall a short distance from her and nodded. Hating the blush heating up his cheeks.

“You either downplay _everything,_ or you enjoy lying to me.” The smile tugging at her perfectly formed mouth betrayed the stern tone of her voice.

“It’s just a hobby,” he demurred.

“One you’re obviously good at,” she pressed, shouldering off her jacket. “Bathroom?” Cullen gestured toward the nearby hall. Evelyn seemed the adventurous sort, and he didn’t want her to feel like a guest when he wanted her to be so much _more._ She came near and wrapped her arms around his middle. “Good thing I know you’re not a liar,” she murmured, leaning up to meet him for a soft kiss.

While the mage was off exploring and using the restroom, Cullen pulled his phone from of his pocket. Taking a seat, he retrieved his pastry, commandeered what was left of her drink with a smirk, and fired off a few emails before opening up his messages. He had one from Leliana and an alarming amount from Dorian. Both were equally ominous.

He chose Dorian’s first.

It was a mistake.

**Contact:** Pavus  
  
**Today** 09:36  
**Dorian:** (Couple With Heart)(Mouth)(Tongue)(Raised Fist)(Eggplant)(Splashing Water Droplets)(Splashing Water Droplets)  
**Dorian:** (Melon)(Melon)(Eyes)(No Entry Sign ≊ Prohibited)  
**Dorian:** (Soon With Rightwards Arrow)(Peach)(Fork And Knife)  
**Dorian:** (House With Tree)(Blue SUV)(Dash Symbol)(Office Building)  
**Dorian:** (Melon)(Melon)(Eyes)(Eggplant)(Eggplant)(Eggplant)  
**Dorian:** (House With Tree)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration)(Party Popper)  
**Dorian:** (Finger Pointing Right)(Melon)(Melon)(Finger Pointing Left)(Tongue)(Thumbs Up)  
**Dorian:** (Peach)(Fork And Knife)(100%!)(Red Bold Exclamation Mark)  
**Dorian:** (Couple Kissing)(Finger Pointing Right)(A-OK Hand Sign)(Sparkles)  
**Dorian:** (Peach)(Eggplant)(Splashing Water Droplets)(Splashing Water Droplets)(Splashing Water Droplets)(Splashing Water Droplets)(Video Camera)  
**Dorian:** (Happy face with jazz hands)

Cullen didn’t even know it was possible to insulate such horrifically inappropriate things with simple objects such as innocent foods and body parts like goddamned eyes.

  
**Today** 10:14 **Cullen:** (Middle Finger)  
**Cullen:** She’s your cousin!  
**Dorian:** (Face With Tears Of Joy)  
  
**Dorian:** And friend.  
**Dorian:** Now stop texting me & go do those things!

Why were all of his friends assholes?

At least Cullen could rely on Leliana to not be as… blunt.

**Contact:** Sister Nightingale  
  
**Today** 09:56  
**Leliana:** Can I change your RSVP to the wedding to include a +1 now?  
**Cullen:** Yes.  
**Cullen:** I can’t believe you called her an idiot!  
**Leliana:** Did you even ask her?  


“HEY EVELYN?” Cullen shouted.

“I’M _PEEING!”_

He smirked. She must have gone exploring first. “WANT TO BE MY PLUS ONE FOR MY SISTER’S WEDDING?”

“SURE BABE.”

  
**Leliana:** Calm down. I said: It’s about time you *two* stopped being idiots.  
**Leliana:** She didn’t look *remotely* offended. Surprised, yes. Offended, no.  
**Cullen:** I asked. The answer is still yes and it doesn’t matter if she wasn’t. I am.  
**Leliana:** You’re getting wound up about nothing, Curly.  
**Cullen:** I hate you.  
**Leliana:** I hate you too.(Man And Woman Holding Hands)(Red Heart)  
**Leliana:** (Raising Both Hands In Celebration)Yay +1! Both of you take the day tomorrow too. Go take her to get a car at least so she doesn’t feel like a hobo anymore.  
**Cullen:** How do you know everything?  
**Leliana:** I have my ways...  


Cullen couldn’t help but think maybe Evelyn was right about Cole being a Spirit. The young man was far too bright just to be a glorified 'go-getter.’ Leliana would know, perhaps he’d ask. Either way, the idea was stuck in his brain, becoming something else to worry over.

“So…” Evelyn hummed, coming around the corner. Cullen put his phone in 'do not disturb' and set it on the table face down. “I found an office, a guest room, bathroom and a set of stairs. What’s that way?” she asked pointing to the other short hall on the opposite side of the entryway.

“Dante’s room, the garage, laundry room and another set of stairs.” Cullen beckoned, and she immediately responded, closing the distance between them without a trace of hesitancy. He sucked a couple of drops of melted chocolate from his fingertip and thumb before pulling her into his lap.

“I think I want something else to eat,” he mused while brushing her hair back over her shoulder to give him access to the long, flawless line of her neck.

“I’m good,” Evelyn shrugged.

How she didn’t catch him meaning was beyond him, but it made it that much more appealing.

“Evelyn,” he purred, shifting forward to nibble on her ear. “I was talking about you...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Dante has one of those sensors on his collar so he can let himself in & out the back door whenever he pleases. 
> 
> (2) Solas is around & not an Elven God. He & Dorian are the other two lead researchers @ Skyhold Synergy. 
> 
> (3) Shout out to my husband TheStinkyCheese who became my beta for this when I finally caved & let him read my writing. While he's no Cullen (sorry babe) he is tall, dark & handsome & I'm borrowing a lot of our real-life quirks & humor to put this thing together. 
> 
> Next time: Cullen eats...


	5. Positive Feedback**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Positive Feedback: A feedback loop that enhances or amplifies changes. These tend to move a system away from its equilibrium state and make it more unstable.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn relinquishes control and learns she likes it.
> 
>  **OR:** Cullen eats...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: cullenlingus, praise kink]

It felt like Cullen unleashed wildfire under her skin. Placed there on a husky whisper and ignited with a gentle nibble on her ear. Each consecutive slam of her heart from that moment forward sent a pulse of liquid heat straight between her legs.

Evelyn couldn’t speak.

Think.

_ Breathe. _

Until Cullen pulled her hair, forcing Evelyn to bare her neck to him with a soft gasp. Cullen ghosted his lips teasingly down the column of her neck, drawing in a deep, even breath through his nose.

Oh god…

Was he smelling her?

What if he didn't like the way she smelled?

Would he tell her?

Would she want him to?!

Cullen shifted; pulling her more into his lap until her back pressed against his chest. He split her thighs, hands moving up as his legs spread, taking hers with them until she was spread wide, feet dangling uselessly by his calves. His hands stopped mid-thigh, kneading while Cullen mouthed at the crook of her neck, breath gusting out with a groan of deep satisfaction.

Every ounce of her desperate need from earlier returned with a vengeance making her completely forget about whatever in the Void she had been stressing over. Cullen's hand came up to her face, pressing lightly on her jaw to encourage her to him, not down to where she needed him most, and Evelyn whimpered.

“Patience love,” he murmured. Evelyn tried to kiss him, but Cullen pulled back, remaining close enough that it still landed, but barely. Only when Evelyn managed to nod did his lips crash down onto hers.

Evelyn could kiss him for hours.

_ Days. _

The smooth glide of his perfectly formed mouth. The way that delicious scar tugged a little at his upper lip. An occasional rasp of stubble. The twist of his tongue was enough to make her forget anything else existed but him, especially since there was nothing for Evelyn to do with her hands other than to lock them around the arm caging her to him and hang on for dear life.

Then he touched her.

Her whole body jolted as if he shocked her. The touch so unexpected and  _ needed  _ Evelyn snapped away from the kiss that took everything up.  _ Begging. _

“Cullen,  _ please!” _

His hold tightened while he hushed her and murmured wicked promises in a low, growly voice in between soft, chaste kisses. Evelyn was so wound up she was hyper-aware of absolutely everything. The beat of his heart seemed to reverberate through her. Hard and heavy like his cock pressed against her ass,  _ demanding  _ attention. His labored breathing gusted across her mouth. The slight tremble of his hand when he touched her cheek soothingly. His other hand encompassed her mound, rubbing gently,  _ teasingly. _

“I'm going to make you feel so good,” Cullen rumbled, adding a firmer touch, and Evelyn moaned.

“H-Here?” She stammered, hips reflexively undulating to match his motions, seeking to relieve the incredible tension. “What about Dante?”

“He knows when to disappear.”

Something inside her twisted painfully.

Cullen went very still.

There was a reason Evelyn never dated Templars, but the mage had been head over heels in love with this one for longer than she cared to admit, so it was what it was.

“Ignore it,” the mage insisted.

“I can't,” he replied, beginning to untangle their limbs and she sighed heavily.  _ “Won't.”  _ Cullen squeezed her hip and Evelyn took the hint and hopped off him. Instantly he grabbed her hand and tugged, reeling her inextricably back to stand between his legs.

“It's my fault,” he hummed, tracing a red blotch on her hand with his fingertips.

_ “This!”  _ She tore her hand from his grasp to straighten the ruins of her arm between them for emphasis. “Is  _ not YOUR fault!” _

“No, no… Not that,” Cullen soothed, taking her arm to press open kisses on it. “You doubt me.”

That was… unexpected. And untrue?

“How many times did you offer to come down here to heal the damage yourself?” He nuzzled at her scarred flesh. She found the action exceeding intimate, and Evelyn felt herself blush.

“I don't recall exactly,” she admitted honestly.

Cullen tugged at the hem of her dress. “Take this off for me.” Without hesitation, Evelyn complied, glad he didn't seem to have any desire to  _ stop  _ and talk. She tossed it over the back of a nearby chair.

_ “Maker,”  _ he breathed. The predatory look in his amber eyes promised a lot more than Evelyn had initially bargained for, but the heat between her legs evidence enough she was more than willing. Wrapping his powerful hands around her hips, Cullen pulled her closer.

She didn't fight it.

Why would she?

Cullen intentionally rasped his stubble across the top of her breast with a deep sound in his chest. “You asked once a month for —  _ eight — consecutive  _ — months. Like clockwork.” There was something hard in his voice. Angry. And Evelyn couldn't figure out why. She was trying to focus, to listen, she really was, but Evelyn was very interested in where his hands were going. They had slid up, following the curves of her body.

Evelyn moaned, hands fisting into his curls to drag his mouth to hers when she figured it out. He kissed her deeply. Desperately. Only untangling himself from her grasp to toss her bra carelessly aside and focus on the newly exposed flesh. Cullen palmed her breasts, rolling the sensitive peaks between his fingers then suddenly leaning forward to mouth at them with a deep groan. Sucking and nibbling. Moving from one to the other until she could hardly handle the intensity of it anymore and tried to writhe away.

He held her steady, halting his efforts completely. “And then you stopped asking.” There was something strangely hollow in his voice.

Not realizing she had offered so predictably or stopped so suddenly, Evelyn had no idea what to say or how to take this hurt from him. She cooed his name, gently carding her fingers through his loose, golden curls while she held him close. The embrace soothing the sting of her pain, one she didn't even know was there, and with any luck ease his as well. Plus, she had his face mashed into her chest. Boobs were good for comfort, right?

“And then New Haven happened…”

“What did you say earlier? Hm?” Cullen looked up at her. The hurt in his beautiful, honey-colored eyes was enough to make Evelyn regret every decision she'd ever made in life. “That it doesn't matter,” she reminded, stroking the side of his face tenderly, “because I'm here now.”

“But it does matter,” Cullen disagreed vehemently. “It's been a long time since I’ve wanted anyone in my life. I wasn’t expecting to find that when I reached out to you and when I realized… it  _ terrified  _ me.”

Evelyn felt her heart clench with a want so strong it took her breath away. There were no words to describe it to him. How she felt or how hearing that made her feel. So she poured everything she had into a soft kiss. Cullen sighed into her mouth when she straddled him, settling over the hard line of his cock. Only then did she remember he was completely dressed while she was in nothing but her socks (how sexy) and underwear. Evelyn planned to remedy that.

Immediately.

She yanked on his tie, uniting and tossing it aside in one fluid motion. Evelyn ground down against him, and Cullen moaned loudly, thrusting against her in earnest. For the second time that day Evelyn pushed his shirt open eager to have her hands on him.

“I think it's time you show me where this bed of ours is.”

“No.”

Evelyn shoved Cullen off her; a low sound of displeasure rumbled in his chest. She held his shoulders at arm's length. “What do you mean  _ no?!” _

“I’m not going up there until we’ve collected your stuff from Dorian’s. Which we'll take care of after I eat.“ His voice was low and rough and full of promise, and Evelyn cursed under her breath when he suddenly stood to place her on the table.

“Stay.”

Turned on  _ beyond  _ words, Evelyn just nodded at him. Cullen rolled his shirt sleeves up, and she found herself reflexively reaching out to trace the corded muscle of his forearm with her fingertips. After a moment, he hooked a finger under her chin to tilt her head up. His gaze had shifted into something soft and full of wonder, and he leaned down to kiss her affectionately.

“Lay down,” he instructed.

Even as she complied, Cullen drew her legs up. Placing her feet on the table, one at a time, and tugging off her socks in the process. Her hips lifted to make the chore of removing her underwear easier. Cullen pulled the chair up behind him. The scrape of it against the hardwood floor almost jarring in the quiet intensity of the situation. Evelyn was having trouble breathing, painfully aware she was trembling. No one had  _ ever  _ done this to her quite like this before.

His hands split her knees to spur her on. After a moment of resistance, Cullen cooed gentle encouragements and kissed her knee. He sat and stroked her thighs once she spread wide, butterflying her legs to expose herself to him.

“You're so beautiful like this. Laid out before me…” He blew lightly across her wet, needy sex and Evelyn keened. “Wanting…” The word so low and raspy she barely understood it in her arousal-addled brain.

With her eyes squeezed shut she had no idea what sort of look was on his face, but she imagined that it'd be enough to make her come on command. He had hardly even touched her and Evelyn felt like she was on fire. Her mana sparked, unchained, and Cullen drew in a deep breath of the ozone permeating the air. It rumbled out on a sound of utter bliss from deep in his chest. On some level, it bothered her how easily he had gotten under her skin. Evelyn did NOT lose control. But then Cullen touched her, and the mage stopped caring.

Two fingers parted her lips to expose her opening. Evelyn gasped out some breathless plea as he dragged them up to her clit. They swirled around it, massaging the swollen and sensitive bundle of nerves.

“I bet you taste better than you smell.”

His touch vanished, leaving her bereft for a half-second before his tongue was on her. It flattened against her entrance, hot and wet, and he groaned, a sound that struck her in her very core. Then his tongue followed the same path as his fingers. Swirling around her clit with a satisfied grunt when she fisted her hands into his hair and moved her feet to rest on his shoulders, giving him easier access.

“Divine…” he praised, stoking her haunch.

Evelyn practically welcomed him in when he finally pressed two fingers into her. They curled inside her, beckoning. Whether he was trying to drag out her pleasure, merely enjoy himself, or both as she did earlier, Evelyn didn't know. Didn't care really, because the tortuously slow pace he set was more than worth the rapt attention his tongue and lips gave her every fold. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt before.

“I might keep you like this. Always. Have a taste whenever I want.”

The building pleasure deep in her core was beginning to unravel thanks to Cullen’s dirty talk and skilled attention. Her moans echoed off the walls. Too loud. But she could tell he loved it, so she allowed the worry to fade away, letting Cullen and pure sensation become her everything.

“Didn't I say I'd make you feel so good?” He punctuated the question with several flicks of his tongue over her clit.

“Y-yes!” She cried out, body responding to his set pace and motions of its own will. Lost in the way his fingers, tongue, and lips seemed to be on her, in her, everywhere where she needed him most almost at once.

“It'll feel even better when I'm inside you tonight.”

Evelyn didn't know how that'd be possible, but she believed him.

“I want you on top so I can  _ see  _ how beautifully you sing for me next time.”

“I'm—” she sobbed, liable to shatter at any second.

“What love? Talk to me.” The low timbre of his voice resonated against her clit, amplifying the hot swirl of his tongue, and her whole body arched with a breathless shout.

“I'm going to come!”

He moaned loudly against her, fingers delving into her for one more perfectly positioned curl and she broke apart around him. The orgasm was so intense she saw white. Cullen lapped at her gently. Murmuring something she couldn't completely decipher on a low voice that sounded gentle and pleased. His fingers remained, moving slowly to drag out her pleasure and bring her down into a state of complete rapture, at once.

Eventually, Evelyn released the death grip she had on his hair with a breathless apology.

“Don’t be,” he answered, standing to collect her into his arms, thankfully, because Evelyn was positive she forgot how legs worked. Cullen sat back down and just… held her, cradling her against him. Evelyn rested her head against his shoulder, running her fingers through the springy golden hairs scattered across his chest. Cullen held her tighter, closer and Evelyn nuzzled against him,  _ breathing  _ him in, enjoying the closeness.

“Do you want me to return the favor?”

His cock stirred against her, but Cullen said: “No.” He petted her hair and sighed a sound of deep contentment. “As much as I love your mouth, I'd rather wait for tonight.”

“Well then,” she began, “we should probably get going because Leliana said I couldn't come back to the office until I own a car.”

Cullen chuckled. “So your stuff, a car, probably some lunch…”

“Groceries?”

“Definitely.”

“I'll see what you've got and make a list. Maybe I can cook dinner?”

He held her tighter. “I'd like that,” Cullen breathed into her hair.

“That's quite a bit to accomplish before nightfall.”

“It is,” he agreed. “It's a good thing Leliana also said we should take tomorrow too.”

And so neither hurried to separate, wrapped in one another's arms they felt a completeness in their very souls neither knew was missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic will have light dom/sub play — very light.
> 
> Next time: A little bit of fluff with a little bit of heat...  
> _______________________________________________________________________________
> 
> A commissioned gif by [kacha](https://nsfwfrosch.tumblr.com).  
> 


	6. Potential Energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potential Energy: the energy possessed by an object because of its position relative to their objects, stresses within itself, its electrical charge, &/or other factors. 
> 
> **i.e.:** Evelyn returns home  & Cullen get all wound up...

Cullen finally powered down his laptop and rubbed his face with the meat of his palms. Putting out fires, red tape and keeping the Order out of Skyhold affairs was his job, and he was damned good at it, but he usually had some preemptive warning when people were pissed off. For some reason, no one told him Evelyn had pulled the New Haven technology licensing the moment she woke from her coma. Invoking her IPRs and demanding it needed more work when the Order finally realized and tried to push back. If Cullen had thought about it —  _ at all _ — the sudden conflagration that had dropped into his lap wouldn't have been a surprise.

The secure area of her lab was  _ underground _ after all.

His phone vibrated, and he pulled it out of his pocket hoping she was finally on her way home. The message was, in fact, from Trevelyan, but the wrong one.

**Contact:** Ezmond Trevelyan  
  
**Today** 18:06  
**Ez:** A heads up she knew you visited would have been lovely. I thought she was going to reach through the phone and kill me.  
**Cullen:** She didn't seem upset when we discussed it.  
**Ez:** Just when I think you actually have some form of intellect you say something like that.  
**Ez:** Of course she wouldn't be upset with you! You're not the one that lied to her face after she woke up!  


Cullen sighed, feeling like an asshole. Again.

  
**Cullen:** I'm not sure if I should thank you again or apologize again…  
**Ez:** Apologize for that. Thank me for helping you convince her to take the job there instead of fleeing to Tevinter.  
**Cullen:** Sorry and thank you.  
**Ez:** No problem and you’re welcome.  
**Ez:** So she’s jumping straight from email pal to live in girlfriend?  
**Cullen:** Is that alright?  
**Ez:** Yeah. I’m not her keeper. She's a big girl. I just need you to keep an eye on her then.  
**Cullen:** She should be seeing someone.  
**Ez:** She is.  
**Ez:** You.  
**Ez:** Finally...  
**Ez:** (idiot)  


Cullen rolled his eyes. Sarcasm must run in the family.

  
**Cullen:** So I've been told… But you know what I mean.  
**Ez:** She’s seeing Skyhold’s in-house therapist. She'll be fine.  


She would, Cassandra was great at her job. Plus, Cullen would be there to be sure of it.

  
**Cullen:** And you?  
**Ez:** Better. Should be 100% by the time the holidays roll around in a few months, so I expect a place to crash when I come to visit for a few weeks.  
**Cullen:** I’d be an idiot to say no.  
**Ez:** Yes, but this is you we are talking about…  


Smirking, Cullen tucked his phone back into his pocket and went upstairs. Thinking about beds suddenly made him want to change his sheets, night sweats were still a thing, and he should make sure there weren't any dirty clothes strewn around the bathroom. Once finished Cullen took in the room for a moment. Even after almost a full year of living there the place was still mostly void of any personal effects that would define the space as a home. No pictures, no trinkets, shitty art on the walls, so they weren’t bare. Cullen couldn't help but wonder how different this place would be after two weeks? Two years?

His phone vibrated again, dragging him out of his reverie.

**Contact:** Cole  
  
**Today** 18:41  
**Cole:** It'll be very different. A home isn't a home without happiness.  
**Cole:** And there is no need to thank me. She unlocked the door, all I did was open it.  


Well, that answered that.

  
**Cole:** It does, and I also know what lengths you'd go to keep her and me safe.  


A little creeped out, Cullen about jumped out of his skin when Dante barked. He didn't even notice the mabari come into the room.

“She's here?”

By way of answer the garage door opened. Unfortunately by the time he made it downstairs she had somehow carried in ten or so bags of groceries. At once.

“Sorry, I'm back so late. Dorian is impossible. Not starving are you?”

“Not terribly. I'll get everything else out of the car if you want to finish dinner?”

“Sure. Thanks for baking the chicken. I'll have something ready in just a few.”

Cullen leaned down to steal a kiss before grabbing the last few items and her belongings from her car. He set her stuff by the staircase and put the groceries away while she finished up dinner. She had bought things like tiny frozen pizzas, frozen burritos, Raisinettes, a fancy looking chocolate cake, potato chips, and then a slew of healthy foods for meals that would take time and effort to cook. Cullen held up the ramen that she had bought, in bulk, and pointed at the array of veggies before her, hoping his confusion evident.

“Balance,” she shrugged.

“I'm more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy.”

“Well, I do like meat,” she began with a wry half-smile, blatantly dropping her gaze to his crotch for a moment and Dante snorted. Cullen felt himself blush. “So the salad will have chicken in it.”

“It doesn't look very healthy,” he commented after watching her add at least a half pound of chicken, cheese, ranch, croutons and an alarming amount of kalamata olives to the salad.

“I said balance, not healthy.” Evelyn pulled out three bowls and gave Dante a hefty serving. “I won't be offended if neither of you wants it.”

The mabari sniffed at it a moment, took a tentative bite then hummed a pleased sound. He laid down, crossed his paws and munched away.

That was a surprise.

“I left some chicken as is,” she continued talking to only him now. “Nuke a potato or whatever to go with it.”

Cullen frowned. He wouldn't snub her first attempt at feeding him. Offended or not. Especially if Dante didn't. Usually, he found the prospect of a bowl of greens bland and uninteresting, but this was good. _ Great. _ And he said as much.

She blushed, beautifully, and demurred. “It's just a salad.”

“Maybe, but no one has even made me a sandwich before.”

“That's… sad.”

Cullen shrugged. He meant what he said. He hadn't wanted anyone in his life in a very long time. Shy of a few relationships, that all ended equally disastrous very early on in his military career, there's only been the occasional date that led to a single tryst before never speaking again. Even those were few and far between. And none of that since her.

“Good thing I bought lunchmeat. I'll remedy that tomorrow.” She nudged his thigh with her foot under the table, and he couldn't help but smile. “Sorry I bogged you down with such a mess today. Vivienne made it sound like everything was already taken care of.”

“Legally sure, But the Order was still pissed. I reassured them you weren't scrapping it and eventually they decided to contribute to your funding instead of bitching. Leliana said you're reworking the whole system.”

“I'm going to break up the core into six to eight smaller ones and develop individual containment fields. It'll be a hundred times more complicated, but it'll be a million times more safe and manageable should something like New Haven happen again.”

“Is that what was happening with your barrier Saturday?”

Evelyn nodded, trying to chew down a huge bite. “I'm going to set up a permanent one somewhere around here to work on.”

Cullen liked she didn't ask.

He also liked that she grabbed a fork and ate cake straight out of the container.

But he loved how Evelyn pulled off her dress and tossed it into the hamper with her bra and rummaged through his side of the walk-in closet. 

“I want to sleep in something nice," she said, tugging an old, beat-up Order t-shirt from its hanger. Back in the bedroom, the mage draped it over the back of the chaise before leaning against the edge of the four-poster bed. “Did you make this too?” Her fingers traced the decorative grooves on the nearby post almost suggestively.

When Cullen didn't immediately answer, he couldn't, he'd been fantasizing about this moment for far too long, Evelyn looked him over with a darkness in her eyes that could only be described as primal and raw. Even her aura seemed to concentrate around him, electrifying the air between them and tingling against his skin. Making the little hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. And yet her gaze was tinged with a softness Cullen had never had directed at him before. It was this that affected him so, more than anything.

Evelyn hadn't even touched him yet, and he was  _ completely _ hard.

Cullen managed to hum out an affirmative.

“I can't believe you're still wearing this,” she murmured, hooking two fingers between the buttons of his shirt to lightly graze them across his stomach. Cullen flinched at the caress, wound up beyond reason already. Undeterred, Evelyn stood, hands moving to rest on his chest.

“The first thing I do when I'm home for the day is get comfortable.” She unfastened one button. Then another. “But I'm not going to complain. I've been dying to get this off you myself.”

Once she pushed open his shirt, he wrapped his hands around the flare of her hips. Seeking a way to ground himself. Suddenly understanding with painful clarity how Evelyn felt earlier with his flaws about to be laid out before her. Leaving Cullen wishing, once again, he was…  _ more. _

Evelyn stepped closer and with a sigh of deep contentment began to place open kisses across his chest. Lingering over where his heart was hammering in his breast. She nuzzled at his nipple, fingernail tracing the other and Cullen groaned, completely missing whatever she had just said.

“I'm sorry love, what?”

“Why is this house so large?”

“I— um,” he faltered when she licked and nibbled at his nipple, hands moving down to his belt. “Shit. I— Wish fulfillment.”

“Tell me, babe. What wish?”

“Growing up… we used to camp out here, and I always imagined if I--” Cullen trailed off when she unzipped him, taking care to avoid touching his cock directly. He managed to continue when she raked her nails through his chest hair. “If I managed ever to have a family of my own, this is where I’d have one.”

She looked up at him. “And you asked me to move in here?”

Cullen nodded, his heart seizing with a sudden, crippling fear at how her aura seemed to freeze around them. Worried he had finally been too blunt with his honesty.

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she pressed herself into him. Cullen wrapped his arms around her, awestruck by how her aura seemed lighter than before when it released. It felt unburdened, almost relieved, and if Cullen couldn't feel her in this way, he might never believe any of it. It made him a little dizzy.

“But I want to explain why… Why it's just— a dream,” he continued haltingly, still not completely out of the woods on this one. “I lied to you.”

Evelyn pulled back to look up at him. Gaze wary; frowning. “You lied to me?”

“Not about us or anything like that. About Kinlock.” He habitually rubbed the back of his neck. A nervous habit he’d never been able to shake. “A lie of omission.”

“Cullen, it’s fine,” she soothed, reaching up to tug his arm away from his neck. “We don’t need to discuss that now.”

“We do. I want you to understand before we… ” He tangled their fingers together. “The Demon was a Nightmare and it… tortured me. And after—”

“Shhh,” Evelyn cooed, placing feather-light kisses across his knuckles. “One thing at a time. Tortured you how?”

“It… it tried to break my mind and physically... I have—”

“Show me.”

Cullen froze. Petrified. Evelyn leaned up to kiss him tenderly, pushing the shirt off his shoulders in the process.

“I love you,” she assured. Cullen cupped her cheek, heart tripping over itself when she held him to her. Only when he said it back, did Evelyn slip from his grasp to step around him. Cullen tensed; bracing himself for her reaction. Flinching when her fingertips landed on his back where the evidence of his ordeal was.

Scars crisscrossed his back. Jagged and rough with dented skin and raised areas where flesh and muscle didn’t knit back together correctly.

Her hands flattened, smoothing along the expanse of his back. “This takes nothing from you. Doesn’t make you  _ unworthy _ of anything.” Something close to a choked sob rend from his chest at how easily she narrowed down on the 'why.' “I can’t imagine what you endured, but the fears it used against you, are just that.” She began to press feather soft kisses across his back. “Fears.”

“Evelyn, I need you,” Cullen managed. “Please.”

“Soon. First, I have a confession too. I didn’t heal everything earlier. There are more pleasant ways to fix—” For emphasis Evelyn reached around, placing one hand flat against his chest while the other pressed  _ hard _ into the muscle near his shoulder blade finding a knot effortlessly and he winced. “This.”

Cullen knew he carried his worry literally on his back. The flesh knotted and tense almost continuously.

“Let me take care of you,” she murmured, slipping her hands into his pants at his hips. Cullen managed to nod as her hands moved forward. A satisfied moan ripped from his throat when she took him in hand, lightly stroking as she pushed down his clothing.

“Get on the bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Cassandra is a 'seeker of truth' lol.
> 
> (2) I am trying to spin their pasts into a modern setting in order to build some character. Most of it will be left intentionally vague unless I later deem it's imperative to the "storyline" for some reason
> 
> Next time: Some tension release...


	7. Adhesion**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adhesion: the force of attraction between two, unlike materials.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Templar  & mage finally come together... 
> 
> **OR** Some tension release...  <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: massage, light dom/sub - remember **very** light]

_ Let me take care of you. _

Those six simple words were more promise than request and learning that truth was an experience Cullen would never forget. Hearing her say it again was  _ everything _ he wanted and yet so much more than he ever expected from life at the same time.

“No. On your stomach,” Evelyn corrected kindly.

He flipped over. Heart hammering in anticipation even with his aching cock now trapped between him and the bed.

Ignored. 

Still, Cullen was confident not only would the mage ‘care’ for him gently and attentively as she did earlier at his office but guide him back to that blissful oblivion he was confident only she could offer. She shimmied out of her panties, and he groaned; cock throbbing, spilling a little precome at just the sight of her neat, trimmed patch of hair.

Completely enthralled, Cullen watched her shimmy out of her panties with rapt attention. He groaned; cock throbbing, spilling a little precome at just the sight of her neat, trimmed patch of hair. 

“Hands up by your head.” Evelyn snatched the hand closest to her from mid-air as Cullen moved to comply. “Wait. I want you to touch me first.” 

Face down as he was, Cullen had to twist his arm odd to do as asked. They moaned in tandem when his fingers made contact with the slick evidence of her arousal. He let his fingers teasingly trace her folds, relishing the way she shifted her weight to give him easier access with another soft sound. It was immensely reassuring she was just as turned on and wanting. 

Evelyn picked up a little bottle from the nightstand he somehow didn’t notice in his arousal-laden state. “Tell me to stop or Silence me at any point if things become too intense.” She squirted a little oil into her palm and began to rub her hands together.

Cullen nodded, twisting his arm a little more to rub her clit with his thumb. The angle was awkward, but he managed to press his finger into her easily with how wet she was. He felt a swell of victory when her motions stuttered, and she worried at her lip with her teeth.

“Hand up with the other, please.” The quiet sigh of regret that escaped her when Cullen left her bereft was more than worth doing as instructed. 

“C-Can I taste?” he asked, voice so unbelievably rough he hardly recognized it as his own. 

A lazy smile bloomed across her lovely features. “You can even come if you want to, but if you don’t, I promise the wait will be worth it.” Evelyn watched him suck her juices from his fingertips and that only made her sweet musk taste even better. 

“Beautiful,” she murmured. Cullen felt himself blush, feeling anything but with the mass of scar tissue on full display and yet the sincerity in her gaze made him want to believe her without question.

She leaned over to kiss his shoulder, placing her thumb over it a moment as if holding it there, before climbing onto the bed to straddle the small of his back. “I need you to tell me what feels best. Fire?” Her hands warmed as she tentatively began to press on the knots in his upper back. “Ice?” The sudden 180 in temperature made him hiss, muscles bunching up reactively.

“Shhh. Relax, Cullen. I’ve got you,” Evelyn cooed, hands instantly going warm again. “Or my specialty, lightning?” 

He tensed, a little freaked out by the prospect despite knowing she'd never hurt him, but all that vanished the moment she pushed the gentle hum of static directly into his muscle. Cullen groaned and felt himself lax reflexively. 

“I think I have my answer,” she mused before beginning to work his flesh in earnest. Her motions were slow and intentional like they were that morning when Evelyn tended to his cock with determined focus. Every firm touch and gentle pulse of magic precisely placed to unwind the tension from his body as well as for his enjoyment. 

And enjoy it he did. 

He thought the mage was teasing when she said he could come. Cullen didn't even know it might be possible to accomplish without touching his dick, but it twitched and throbbed almost nonstop. The comforter around it soaked with precome. 

Cullen couldn't keep quiet either. Slightly embarrassed to be getting off so intensely in this way he tried to hold it in. Going so far as biting at the quilt underneath him in attempt to physically stifle the noise. But it was pointless. Every time her magic seeped into his flesh, a deep moan would roll involuntarily from his chest. The mage was getting off on it too. He could tell. Her sex was like a burning coal on the small of his back. A reminder. A mental note.

Later. 

_ Soon.  _

But not soon enough.

“Evelyn…” 

“Hm?”

“I want—” Cullen broke off with a loud groan when her magic seemed to resonate through his entire nerve system thanks to the lyrium embedded deep in his bones. “I want to come.”

“I want you to come too, sweetheart.” Her husky voice was music to his ears; her words, fire in his veins. 

Cullen teetered on the precipice, wanting to dive off head first and turn back at once. He struggled to focus, to tell her how, exactly, he wanted to come, but: “Inside you. I want…” was all he managed.

And yet, her motions stopped immediately. A chill ran through the air simultaneously so harsh Cullen's labored breaths puffed out on little white clouds. It was a much-needed balm on his overheated skin, even somehow clearing his mind. Making everything so  _ sharp  _ as if he’d just had a draught. His heartbeat was steady and calm despite the heaviness of it, and for the first time in ages, Cullen felt like he belonged in his own skin. Only the faint ache in his balls and the fact he’d never been so hard in his entire life reminded Cullen that it was just  _ her.  _ His new addiction. One he would never give up willingly.

Cullen couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment when she chained her mana, missing the way it flowed freely around him like she was everywhere at once, and yet the way her aura seemed to hum in its absence, slow and almost pleased, soothed that away. When Evelyn moved to kneel next to him, petting his hair and cooing gentle praise, Cullen forced himself to roll over. 

Eventually. 

“I’ve never done that to a Templar before… Was it too much?”

“No.” Cullen reached up to soothe her concern away with his touch. His heart bursting with affection when she leaned into it. “Not enough.” 

Evelyn smiled. It was warm and soft and a little bashful. Her lips brushed across the inside of his wrist. “Is this where I make a joke about Templar stamina?”

“You can say whatever you want,” he chuckled, pushing himself upright to rearrange the pillows, so there was something comfortable to recline on. “As long as I get to take care of you too.” For once, Cullen ignored the undeniable shift in her aura and scooted up toward the top of the bed and settled in. Lazily stroking himself, mainly just for show, he beckoned.

After a moment of hesitation, Evelyn took his offered hand and moved to straddle his thighs. She watched his motions for a moment, gaze slowly trailing upwards to meet his. A teeny-tiny piece of him acknowledged he didn’t have a condom on, but there weren’t any in the house. There wasn’t need to have any on hand until now and yet he didn’t care.  _ At all.  _ Most of him wanted -  _ needed -  _ to sheathe himself in her heat. Make her feel as good as she made him feel. Plus, the idea of planting his seed in her near insatiable.

“Closer.”

She obeyed. Cullen teased her entrance with the dripping head of his cock as a reward. 

“Has no one ever said that to you before?”

“No,” the mage gasped. 

“I want you to lower yourself until I squeeze your thigh then once you stop, tell me why.” Almost instantly Cullen squeezed, allowing Evelyn to lower herself until he breached her, just barely. Her thigh quivered, and he rubbed it soothingly.

“Probably the same reason no one has ever said it to you,” she managed on a shaky voice.

Cullen stared at her, stunned, and a little hurt that she had picked up on that so readily. Her hands left his shoulders. One wrapped around the nape of his neck, the other cupped his cheek. Her thumb made one pass beneath his eye to trace his cheekbone.

“Because you wouldn’t let them,” Evelyn finished quietly. 

“No, I wouldn't.” The relationships he had largely fell apart because he would let anyone in. “But this is different,” he confessed. 

“It is,” she agreed. “I trust you.” 

Even though Cullen felt precisely the same, he needed to know what made him so different to her. However, before he could ask the mage began to impale herself on his erection. Cullen didn’t even realize he squeezed her thigh - was still squeezing it, in fact - in reaction to her simple confession, and Evelyn must have taken that as a silent signal. There would be time for questions later because now that he was entering her Cullen didn’t want it to stop. Evelyn was slick enough that, inch by inch, he slid in effortlessly, and yet there was an unexpected resistance. She stretched almost reluctantly around him, making her feel tight beyond imagination.

Cullen leaned forward to brush their mouths together. “Then let me take care of you too.” Her breath shuddered out when he finally sheathed to the hilt. 

“I want you to,” she whispered. 

He intended to give her a moment to adjust, positive her dry spell somehow even longer than his, but after hearing that… he couldn’t. 

_ Wouldn’t. _

“Ride me.”

She did, tucking her feet up underneath herself to work the entire length of him.

Steady. Smooth. 

_ Perfect.  _

Cullen could tell she didn’t relinquish control in anything. How wound up she got in the kitchen made it apparent. That unfamiliarity made her unnaturally quiet, and he aimed to change that by putting her at ease. Letting her know how good she felt was the first step that direction, so he held nothing back, but he was already close. Too close. Still, unbelievably, on edge from her massage. Talking was not only his preferred method of distraction but the perfect way to get under her skin he’d learned.

“I was wrong earlier. This is how you’re most beautiful.” Cullen reached up to ghost his fingers down the side of her face. “Impaled on my cock,” he rumbled, tweaking her nipples momentarily. Her motions faltered. “Bringing me pleasure.” 

Evelyn moaned, blushing beautifully as the sound left her. 

“I know it feels good baby, but I want you to keep your eyes open.” 

To his great pleasure, she listened., blushing darker the moment their eyes locked.

Intentionally, Cullen let his gaze drop to where their bodies joined. He kneaded her thighs, thumbs brushing dangerously close to her pearl. She cried out, frustrated, when he moved his hands away, leaving the little bundle of nerves bereft. 

“Next time, I’ll have to make sure you can see how beautifully you take me.” 

He meant it.

Evelyn moaned again. Louder this time. Unguarded. Precisely what he wanted to hear from her. 

“Touch yourself,” Cullen rasped. “Feel how perfectly I fit inside you.”

Their foreheads bumped together when she leaned forward for more support, beginning to lose her sense of rhythm. The mage reached between her thighs; her fingers brushed against his shaft as Evelyn felt him move inside her.

“Oh, yes, Cullen,” she groaned, hand shifting up to worry at her clit. Cullen growled as he watched her play with herself, getting off on this little game  _ way _ more than expected. Plus, just hearing her say his name like that was enough to be his undoing. “I want...”

“Tell me what you want.”

She cried out again, grinding against him before lifting; her free hand fisted into his hair. “I want you to come in me.”

“Maker,” he moaned, shifting so he could buck up into her high and deep. 

Once. 

Twice. 

Then she came with a breathless shout of his name, changing the rhythm to grind fervently against him, milking her release. Her inner walls rippled and clamped around him with such intensity his pleasure spiked and carried him away instantly. The world seemed to disappear, and when it came back into focus, it was a little better than it had been before.

His mage was folded over, wrapped in his arms, tracing little circles on his chest with her fingertip in the space over his heart. The room smelled like ozone. Her hair, wildflowers. Creating a beautiful blend that reminded him of spring rains. It was refreshing.  _ She _ was refreshing. 

Cullen drew in a deep, even breath,  _ savoring  _ the moment.

“I should go clean up and get my nice shirt,” Evelyn said, but it didn’t sound like she wanted to go anywhere at all. Cullen certainly didn’t want her to, and he told her as much. 

“I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

Cullen felt himself frown when she rolled off of him, but then she snuggled up at his side, and it was gone. His shoulder pillowed her head; her scarred hand flat against his chest, feeling the beat of his heart. He hoped Evelyn found whatever she was searching for in its steady rhythm. 

“Good thing I plan on staying,” she murmured. 

With a soft, content sigh Cullen pulled her closer and Evelyn went willingly, entwining their bare legs for closeness and warmth. 

“Indefinitely, I hope,” he allowed quietly. 

“Indefinitely,” she agreed, turning her head to place a gentle kiss on one of the scars that wrapped around his shoulder. 


	8. Dark Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark Matter: a term used to describe matter in the universe that cannot be seen, but can be detected by its gravitational effects on other bodies.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Cullen has a hard-on for Ev’s magic  & he finally fesses up.
> 
>  **[04.19.18:** I was unhappy with this chapter, so it underwent some editing/tweaking — it largely remains the same, just more “in tune” with their character/relationship.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) It only took 6 chapters to get through one day (my bad), but time is finally moving again.
> 
> (2) Hawke is single, hates being called the Champion of Kirkwall & is Cullen’s BFF in this AU because they totally would be.
> 
> (3) I’ve decided mages can join the Order since it **is** special ops. Hawke was Cullen's 2nd  & they both quit after Kirkwall. They were just like “I’m too old for this shit” even though they were only 30. 
> 
> [again, I'm thinking way too hard about the background of this universe]

Cullen woke up alone. 

Again.

That made it the third time just this week. 

While not surprising, it was a little upsetting. Cullen knew first hand what she was trying to parse through and he wished Evelyn would confide in him. Let him help her in some way. With a heavy sigh, he dragged his ass out of bed and went to the window. 

The midnight sky was cloudless and crystal clear. Silvery moonlight reflected ethereally off the still, black waters of the lake. It took his vision a moment to adjust, but eventually, he spotted her vehicle where he usually found it on nights like these. It was far enough away that Cullen couldn’t determine what she was doing, but without a doubt the mage was alone. Usually, Dante was with her. Perhaps he listened to Evelyn talk about everything that mattered or nothing important at all. Or maybe the mabari was only there as a silent companion, a sentinel against the terrible memories that plague her. Cullen didn’t know; he’d never asked nor interrupted their time together, but whatever the answer, Cullen was a little sad it wasn’t him. 

Since Evelyn was alone, he was eager to take advantage and be the one at her side. Cullen tugged on some sweatpants, his old, beat up running shoes and an Order hoodie. Downstairs he almost tripped over Dante by the back door. 

“Does she not want company?” The disappointment must have been evident in his tone because Dante sat up and gave him a  _ look.  _ “Haven’t been out there?” 

Dante grunted —  _ no — _ then pointed at him with his snout and cocked his head toward the lake.

Cullen took the hint and began the roughly quarter-mile jog to where he’d find her. As he neared, he noticed Evelyn was starfished on a blanket in one of his t-shirts, whether she was wearing shorts or not, he couldn’t tell. 

“Don’t get too close,” she warned. “You haven’t been out here for me to set up a biorelease for you.” 

Immediately, Cullen came to a grinding halt. He had no idea how large the dome was or if the vehicle was inside it or if she was even under it. All he knew was that he could feel it alarmingly close and Cullen didn’t want to run smack dab into the invisible wall and break his nose. 

“Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?” he asked stupidly. 

Evelyn was already on her feet, maybe two steps away. “I am wearing clothes,” she quipped with a wry half-smile. 

“You know what I mean,” Cullen grumbled, stepping a little closer to take her offered hand. 

Her magic bloomed the moment their skin touched, seeping into his flesh to trickle through his veins. Evelyn couldn't use magic directly on him without his dick perking up. That fun fact became apparent the first time in his office when she healed the lyrium damage, and it’s been worse ever since her massage. Now, the mage couldn't even heal a measly papercut on his finger. Granted, that had led to fantastic desk sex which more than made up for his embarrassment and the accidental death of his favorite coffee mug. So it wasn't a surprise Cullen was at half-mast by the time her spell released, and the barrier flashed bright like the sun between them. He was glad it was dark enough to hide the intensity of the blush heating up his cheeks. Except he gave his unease away by averting his gaze and shifting his weight.

“Sorry,” Evelyn mumbled, releasing him instantly. She took a few steps back. “I guess I could've just set up markers or stepped out.” The hurt in her eyes was like a knife in his chest. The last thing Cullen wanted was for her to think her magic made him uncomfortable in any way. 

“Don't be sorry. It's just— Maker’s breath! It's like an oven in here!” Which instantly explained why Dante didn’t tag along with her. Too bad the mabari wasn’t able to warn him.

“It's a  _ containment field,  _ Cullen; it’s not supposed to let anything out.”

He wiped at the sweat already beading on his forehead with his sleeve. “Can I leave?”

“Nothing is stopping you,” Evelyn clapped back, gesturing vaguely around them for emphasis.

Cullen felt like he was drowning. He hadn't even been there five minutes, and he already fucked up twice. Words never came easy, and they were epically failing him in the face of her hurt-fueled ire. Silently he followed after her, hoping the fact he wasn’t leaving helped ease some of it away. Evelyn leaned against the open trunk of her Outback which had two tennis ball sized orbs of light, like tiny moons, hovering on either side. He pulled off his hoodie and tossed it in there with her pants and an open bottle of wine. 

Then came fuck up number three.

“You're drinking?”

She picked up the bottle, took one long pull then turned it upside down. “Not anymore.”

Cullen managed to snatch it from her hand and salvage half the bottle. 

“Anything else you're not happy with?”

Cullen didn't take it personally. It would've been unfair for him too. Again, he knew what she was going through. The guilt. The self-loathing. Moving halfway across the world for a fresh start. The inability to sleep. The goddamned physical reminders. 

He squished her against him. 

After a painfully long moment of resistance, she melted against him. 

Literally. 

She squirmed away. “Ick. You're sweaty.” 

“An  _ oven,  _ Evelyn.” A small flare of amusement lit between them. She smiled. Tiny but true.

“Was it hot outside?”

“I had no idea it was going to be even a little warm in here.”

At that, she wandered over to the fire glyph, in what Cullen assumed was the very center, squatted down and recalibrated it. Instantly the suffocating heat lessened. 

“There isn't any wind, but in a few minutes you shouldn't feel like you're dying anymore.” 

“Come here.” 

She did; a little reluctantly he noted. Cullen wrapped her in his arms the moment Evelyn was in range. He hated how the mage subtly tensed. He knew all too well that she was trying to keep him at arm's length; wall in her problems. 

“Talk to me. Tell me how you're feeling.” 

“I feel like a nuisance,” Evelyn answered without hesitation. 

He hadn't been expecting  _ that.  _ Alarmed, he held Evelyn at shoulders length to look at her. “What? Why?!” 

“If I couldn't do this,” opening her fist she generated another little orb of light, “things would be different.” Evelyn threw the orb off to the side. It floated away to join the crescent moons and stars above. 

“I don't want things to be different.”

“Yes, you do. You can't even look at me if I so much as chill my drink.” She swatted his hands away. “I’ll start looking for my own place.” Her words hit him like a blow, and he flinched. 

“I don’t want you to go. I love you.”

“You love the idea of me, just like everyone else.”

“No,” he snapped. “I love you and your magic—” she began to laugh bitterly “—and you're not going anywhere.” Cullen grabbed her upper arms and moved her back into the trunk area, caging her in the space with his sheer size. Her anger brewed like an oncoming storm. He could feel it in the back of his teeth. When Evelyn let go, it was going to lash out, white hot, like the element she preferred.

“You’ve got it all wrong," he continued. "And that’s on me, but I understand what you’re going thr—”

“You have no idea what I’m going through!” She shouted over him. Cullen knew that was the wrong thing to say even as it began to fall out of his mouth. “This isn't who I am! I love sleeping! And I sure as Void don't let people make me feel shitty about my magic!“

Cullen groaned her name, exasperated and upset he unintentionally added to her troubles and reached for her.

“Don't.”

He didn't. 

Couldn't. 

Fucking  _ force magic. _

It took him completely by surprise. Evelyn's magic was weightless, and it flowed, and there was a distinct reason for that, but Cullen didn’t have much experience working with mages specializing in Air magics to have seen it coming. For the briefest of moments his hands were locked into place, but before he could determine precisely how the mage was restraining him, she released the spell with an apology.

“Ev—"

“Just... don't," she sighed as she let her hair down from it's messy bun and shook it out. 

Cullen rubbed his wrists a moment. They didn’t hurt or anything. It was just something to do with his hands because all he wanted to do was touch her and he had no idea if it was still unwelcome.

“Hear me out, okay? You’ve got it all wrong. I love your magic.” He palmed his half hard cock for emphasis. Instantly, the steely glint in her gaze vanished. “A lot.”

She looked baffled. “You have a magic kink?”

“No! No,” he disagreed vehemently. The thought of getting aroused by Hawke’s magic was like a stone fist to the sack. “I’ve never… reacted like this until you. It's just your magic. I have a you kink.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?!” The sudden increase in volume made him jump. “I thought I had crossed some line!”

Cullen shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You're embarrassed,” Evelyn observed, not unkindly. “Why?” 

“Because it’s more than that. Like that first time in my office or the— massage,” Cullen began haltingly. His entire body felt like it was on fire, from embarrassment and further arousal at just the recollection. “I've never let anyone take care of me— like  _ that.  _ Like the way you say it. And—” 

“Cullen,” Evelyn cooed, tentatively reaching out. He tensed, then relaxed when her hand wrapped around his forearm. Relaxing further when she stepped close and embraced him around the middle. “Don’t be embarrassed.” Her hands began to rub up and down his back, encouraging him to release the remaining tension. “I’ll take care of you like that if and when you want, or never if you don’t. Okay?”

“I want you to,” Cullen breathed; skin heating up again before he even finished the sentence. “Right now.”

She pulled back to look up at him. “Here?”

"Why not?"

Evelyn giggled. "Okay then." Her hands smoothed across his chest. "I'm sorry, are we good?"

Cullen nodded. “Of course. You know I want you here, right?”

Her hands traveled down his front, lazily tracing the dips in his muscle. "Oh, I think that's pretty apparent."

When Evelyn palmed his cock, everything in the world faded away except her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: shameless smut… Like a full chapter's worth...


	9. Frame of Reference**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frame of Reference: a coordinate system used to define motion.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Cullen gets what he asks for.
> 
>  **OR:** Evelyn dommes
> 
>  **[04.19.18:** I was unhappy with this chapter, so it underwent some editing/tweaking — it largely remains the same, just more “in tune” with their character/relationship.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know dom!Cullen is everyone’s fav, but I’d like to have the tables turned on occasion, so these two are switches for this fic. [gentle reminder: LIGHT dom/sub]
> 
> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, orgasm delay/denial]

Evelyn couldn’t believe how dark his eyes were nor how hard he was. There was a little spot of precome on his sweatpants already. He throbbed in her hand as she followed the hard line of his cock.

“Do you want to lay flat or sit up?” She began on a gentle voice.

“Sit up.”

“Here in the trunk or out in the field?”

“In the trunk,” he answered after a heavy beat.

Evelyn didn’t care for the hesitation. “We don’t have to do this,” she reminded. “Not here. Not now. Not at all.”

Maker help her, his eyes cast down, and he blushed. “I want this,” Cullen whispered.

“Well, then it’s a good thing I have some blankets and pillows so I can make sure you're comfortable.” Evelyn began to stroke him more firmly, and his hold on her hips tightened. “While I get them, take off the rest of your clothes so I can see your beautiful cock.”

His cheeks further darkened and Evelyn kissed his nipple before moving away. Some small, sound of protest left him.

She retrieved the blanket from the ground, shaking off the dead grass and leaves before returning to the vehicle. Not wanting Cullen to stand there, uncomfortable and naked, for long, Evelyn angled the backseat forward just a fraction so he could sit comfortably then snatched up the other blanket and two pillows. While not what she brought them along for, Evelyn was glad to have them. She felt like a  _ giant  _ asshole for taking shit out on him (granted, had he been more forthright a good chunk of that would've been avoided) and she planned to make it up to him.

When she rejoined her lover, he was standing there in all his glory. It was almost unfair how perfect Cullen was, and utterly heartbreaking he didn’t see himself that way.

She set the pillows and blankets down in the trunk and caressed his cheek. Her heart skipped one too many beats when he leaned into the touch with a soft sigh. Maker, she loved this man…

“You know, I’d do anything to have you look at me like that.”

Evelyn felt herself smile. "You don't have to do much."

Cullen smirked. “Can I touch you?”

“Until I’ve restrained you,” his cock twitched, “you can touch me anywhere you like, but you’re only allowed to kiss my mouth.”

Cullen wasted no time taking advantage. His hands cradled her face, lips gliding effortlessly,  _ devouring  _ her. When he finished, he placed several soft, open kisses on her lips before letting go.

He leaned against the vehicle as she prepared the space. One blanket flat to cover the scratchy carpet, the other draped over the slightly reclined seat backs for the same reason, and the pillows made a little nest.

“Settle in love.”

He kissed her one more time, briefly, before doing so, and  _ Maker...  _ did Cullen fill the large, open trunk space prettily. Legs canted open, showing her the dusky shadow of his balls, proudly erect. Evelyn could tell he didn't know what to do with his hands. Usually, Cullen stroked himself to tease and tempt her. He settled with resting his hands, palms down, on his thighs. She was glad he didn't touch himself, even more glad he didn't ask to.

“Comfortable?”

“Surprisingly so.”

“Did you really think so little of me?” Evelyn tsked as she climbed into the trunk.

"Maker's breath, that's not what I meant," he groaned.

Smirking at the adorable blush coloring his cheeks yet again, Evelyn reached behind him to place a couple more orbs to balance out the lighting, so she wasn't left in shadow from his perspective. Cullen took advantage of the proximity and felt her up. She stalled, allowing them both the momentary indulgence.

With a sigh, Evelyn sat back on her heels. "You ready?" Cullen nodded, just one small dip of his chin. “Okay. Arms out. Bend your elbows a little. Perfect.” The second her spell landed he tentatively pulled at the restraints, testing them; hands clenching, unclenching — reflexively. She wasn't sure if the action was nerves or curiosity, but she didn't want him uncomfortable in any way.

“Cullen,” she purred, reaching out to lightly stroke his thigh. He seemed to calm when she touched him, so she didn't stop. “I need you to know you can get out of this easily. Just one hit will break the spell.”

“But I want this.”

Evelyn leaned forward to kiss him. Hands wandering across his shoulders and chest. “In case that changes, I want you to pick a word, any word, that we wouldn't normally say in the heat of things and if you say it everything will come to a full stop.”

“Bacon.” The word tumbled out of his mouth.

Evelyn smiled lazily. “Hungry?”

His gaze dropped to where her slit would be. The t-shirt did nothing for her figure. It was perfect for the current situation. Cullen licked his lips.

“I'll let you taste if you tell me how you like to be touched,  _ exactly.” _

“Deal.”

Evelyn teased two fingers along herself. Not lingering, because this wasn't about her, it was about him. Though playing with herself while he was helpless to do anything but watch was tempting…

Cullen groaned when she put her arousal coated fingers in his mouth. His cock jerked. She touched it and his whole body tensed. Evelyn began to stroke him, and he relaxed, allowing himself to drift in sensation.

She pulled her fingers from his mouth. “You can come whenever you want, but if you do anywhere except buried deep inside me, I won't let you in.”

His intense gaze bore into hers, but he said nothing.

“Now, teach me.”

Cullen’s instructions quickly became labored and fractured, but Evelyn followed them precisely. She stroked no faster nor slower than he asked. A firm touch. Twisting a little on each upstroke to give the sensitive tip that something extra. Massaging his balls at random intervals.

She could probably make herself come doing this.

He was fucking gorgeous.

Responsive.

_ Loud. _

“Do you want to come baby?”

“Yes,” he groaned.

Evelyn continued with her efforts. She touched her tongue to the tip.

“Stop,” Cullen barked, and she eased up. “Too close.”

Evelyn let him go, and his entire body tensed at being left bereft so suddenly. The moment her shirt was off she started stroking him again. Lazily. Gently take him back from the edge.

But she planned on taking him right back.

Evelyn leaned forward, and Cullen’s whole body strained to try to meet her. He moaned loudly the moment their lips touched. She tamed the ferocity of it until the kisses were soft and slow.

“I'm going to suck you off now.”

“Evelyn… I—” he choked on his words when she started kissing that vein she loved so much.

“Am I taking good care of you?” She wondered, beginning to stroke him as he instructed.

“Yes, yes,” he moaned. “Oh, yes…”

She smiled around him as she took him into her mouth to work him slow and precise like she  _ knew  _ he loved. It didn't take long before she tasted salt.

“Stop!”

She pulled back.

“Wait no!”

Evelyn swayed back toward him, but before she could put her lips back around him, he continued.

“No! Inside you,” he insisted. “I want to come inside you.”

“Okay,” Evelyn cooed, jerking him slowly. Grip loose enough to hardly provide stimulation, but present enough to guide him through the crest of that wave and back down. Evelyn wanted to kiss that vein again, so she did. 

The sound that rend from his chest when she released him was raw and desperate, and it struck her right in her wet, abandoned slit. It was almost as good as his cock.

Almost.

Evelyn shimmied out of her panties, and his whole body strained forward. She cooed praise and gave him what he needed. Her mouth. The kiss passionate and sloppy, more teeth than tongue. Evelyn petted his hair and shoulders through it. When it ended she peppered his handsome face with soft, chaste kisses. The last one placed over that scar she adored.

“I wanted to leave you like this,” she let her gaze wander over him intentionally. His unbelievably hard, beautiful cock twitched and throbbed almost nonstop. Every inch of sculpted muscle incredibly tense. His massive chest moved with each labored breath as if he couldn't pull enough air into his lungs. Cullen looked desperate and destroyed and absolutely delicious. “But I can't ride you very good in this space.”

Cullen looked around him and groaned; body straining, hands fisting. Evelyn rubbed his quivering thigh muscle, gently tasting him again before whispering against his lips.

“So I want you to show me how perfectly you fit inside me.”

He blinked at her a few times. “I forgot.”

“I know, it's okay,” she forgave, taking one hand and releasing the spell. She kissed and nuzzled Cullen's wrist where the restraint had been. It didn't leave a mark; she would never allow it to, no matter how hard he struggled. The action was more praise than anything. “Do you want to show me?”

He cupped her cheek. Then nodded his head in agreement.

She repeated the motion with his other hand.

He was trembling.

“Your pleasure isn't yours to take, only mine to give, and like earlier you can touch me anywhere you want, but your mouth is only for mine.” His breath gusted out on a staggered exhale, hands instantly moving to her body. He touched her like she was intangible or made of glass. Gentle. So gentle.

Evelyn loved it.

“Do you want to feel how much I like giving you pleasure?” Their foreheads bumped together when Cullen leaned farther forward. He swallowed thickly and croaked out an affirmative. Evelyn guided him to her slick folds, and he almost broke, catching himself last minute before he could kiss anything he wasn't supposed to.

Cullen buried his face in the crook of her neck. His panting breaths hot against her skin. Evelyn let him play with her, needing some form of tension release herself. She petted his hair and stroked his shoulders until he seemed to unwind a little.

“Okay, sweetheart, let's get situated.” She reached behind him and grabbed the blanket. He followed along, hopping out of the vehicle the moment Evelyn laid it on the ground. She made a couple more orbs before climbing back into the trunk and positioning herself right on edge. Leaning back to brace herself, Evelyn brought her legs up, spreading wide for him. The cool air on her heated slit served only to make her more aware how badly she wanted to be filled. She reached forward with her free hand to stroke him.

“Show me.”

She guided him home, and Cullen loudly moaned as he sunk into her heat. Evelyn scooted a little closer so he was sheathed to the hilt and she could be positive the entire length of him would be behind each thrust.

“Hands on my knees. I want you to fuck me, slowly. All the way in. All the way out.”

He did.

She felt full. Amazingly, perfectly full and she moaned. Unable to keep her eyes on the thick glide of him for more than a moment at a time. It was  _ too much,  _ and Evelyn wasn't going to last very long as it was. She was already on edge after playing with him for so long. With any luck, the edging would drag this out, and Evelyn could come twice. She reached between her legs, placing her hand on her mound. Fingers split to feel his thrusts. Cullen moaned loudly at the extra sensation.

“Just like you said. Perfect.” His thrusts faltered for a moment. “I'm going to come now.” Cullen nodded mindlessly, watching their joining and her play with herself.

The orgasm came hard and fast, and it took her breath away, but he didn't stop, Evelyn told him not to. The pace had picked up a little, but not enough he needed to be redirected. Evelyn put pressure on her clit, trying to dampen the overwhelming sensations but not stamp it out. Determined to make him have her come again.

“So good,” she praised shakily, still cresting that wave.

“I need you to come again,” he rasped.

"That's the plan," she panted, and he moaned, thrusting into her a little more forcefully. 

Evelyn wanted him to climb on top and smother her with his sheer size. Pound into her until she saw stars, but there would be time for that another day. Right now she needed to watch him delve deep in her and find that sweet release he's been chasing. See how good she made him feel. 

“I want you to cant a little off center and put some force behind it. Grind into me.”

Cullen was always so gentle with her Evelyn often forgot how strong he was. His hips snapped into her, a brief grind, almost all the way out, repeat. Evelyn leaned farther back to be able to match his thrusts, holding herself up on a forearm and touching herself again.

“Faster.”

“Evelyn… I— I'm going to come.”

“Wait for me,” she instructed. “You feel so good, so perfect pressed up inside me.”

Cullen cried out and redoubled his efforts. His rhythm was almost merciless. She gasped and moaned and pulsed and tingled and he thrust into deep and high and hard, and Evelyn came again a moment before she felt him tense as he finally found his sweet,  _ sweet  _ release. It was like liquid fire being pumped directly into her womb. In one fluid motion Cullen grabbed her hips, pulled and angled her so he could lean over and gate her with his arms as his rhythm completely fell apart; only managing to grind their hips together to milk their climax. Evelyn missed the look on his face entirely but  _ feeling  _ it was more than enough. Through it, Cullen shuddered and shivered and  _ shook  _ and when it was all done he all about collapsed on top of her. Managing to hold himself up on a quivering forearm.

“I've never… I want…”

“Shhh, I've got you,” Evelyn assured, petting his face and pushing back a couple of sweat-soaked curls.

“I know you do.” Cullen tucked his face into the crook of her neck, and Evelyn felt herself smile. He was being adorably cuddly. She stroked his back soothingly.

“Too much?”

“No. Perfect. You're perfect.” He brushed his lips across her collarbone. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too, just as much.” She wrapped her arms around him, and he sighed deeply. “We've got some wine left, blankets and pillows, a faux campfire, and an impenetrable barrier to keep out the creepy bugs.” He chuckled breathlessly. “Want to spend the night under the stars with me?”

“Yeah, I do…” He pulled out with a quiver of muscle, but then settled more of his weight on top of her like he wasn't planning on going anywhere, which was sweet, but incredibly uncomfortable with the edge of the trunk digging into her lower back thanks to how he had dragged her partially out of the vehicle.

“Or would you rather just climb back in here and cuddle up?”

He peppered her neck with kisses. “Stars.” Then he reached over her, snatched up the pillows and blanket in one hand, somehow scooped her up too and set them up a little nest at lightning speed. She barely had time to find the wine before he was pulling her down into the makeshift bed.

Cullen pulled a blanket over them and wrapped himself around her. With his head pillowed on her shoulder, Evelyn held him close and petted his hair.

“I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. I thought--”

“It's my fault,” he interrupted.

“Partially, perhaps, but you’re right, you do know what I'm going through, and I should be open with you about it at least.”

“Wake me up. It helps not to be alone.”

Evelyn held him tighter, hating the sadness in his voice. “Were you alone?”

“Until Dante, yes.”

“Well, now you've got both of us because I don't want to go anywhere. Ever.”

Cullen sighed, a sound of deep contentment. “Just remember, I’ve got you too.”

And for the first time in weeks, wrapped in the arms of the first man who's ever made her feel safe and loved and truly cherished, Evelyn slept peacefully.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is probably going to end up long... because anyone who’s been preggo knows preggo sex is the _best_ sex  & I need to go there...
> 
> <3


	10. Event Horizon**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Event Horizon: the invisible boundary around a black hole past which nothing can escape the gravitational pull - not even light.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Cullen wants some more.
> 
>  **[04.19.18:** I was unhappy with this chapter, so it underwent some editing/tweaking — it largely remains the same, just more “in tune” with their character/relationship.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, masturbation, orgasm delay/denial]

Cullen blinked a couple of times, then reread the first _paragraph._

Just to be sure.

 

_Hard Limits: Additional players (I don't play nice with others). Face fucking. Fisting. Body waste of any kind (including vomit). No edgeplay (also called “the obvious”) which includes but is not limited to: mental/physical abuse, cruelty, breath play, & blood magic._

 

Nope, he read it correctly.

“The hard limits… You don't think I'd want any of this do you?”

“Not at all,” she assured. “Just being thorough.”

“What kind of people did you date to make you feel like you needed to outline it at all?”

Evelyn, in her usual weekend morning ensemble consisting of socks for her abnormally cold feet, leggings and one of his shirts, snorted. “People have propositioned me to do some really disgusting shit just because I'm a mage.”

“Seriously?”

“There's a reason so many of us are single,” Evelyn murmured. “Or end up with one another. Intimidation. Reverence. Whatever. Pick your favorite. It's always… difficult when people can't see past it.”

Cullen frowned. While that explained why Evelyn reacted the way she did a few weeks ago when she thought he had an issue with her magic, it made him overwhelmingly sad to hear her say it at all. The other mages at Skyhold were happily married, but he had no idea how long it took for that to happen for them. As far as Cullen knew most of the mages from his old unit were single, including Hawke. Maybe it's because he’d worked alongside mages his whole life, but they were just goddamned _people_ who deserved to be treated as such.

“How many people have—” Realizing how invasive that question was once it halfway out, Cullen instantly stopped asking it. Blushing furiously, of course.

Blushing a little herself, Evelyn smiled softly. “Cullen, we've been over this, you can ask me anything. Okay?”

He nodded, still feeling a little bit like he was prying into things he shouldn’t.

“It didn't happen frequently, thank the Maker, but I was around sixteen the first time it happened.” Her nose scrunched up in disgust. “My aunt always told Dorian and me never to sleep with anyone who wouldn't commit to us on some level, unless they were a mage, because creeps, thankfully, don't want to put in any effort. I can count the number of people I've slept with, including you, on one hand,” Evelyn wiggled all five fingers on her free hand, “if that tells you anything. It hasn't happened in years, but I also stopped putting myself in situations where it could happen. You know,” she shrugged, “accepted my fate.”

Hearing that did two things. First, it pissed Cullen off. Evelyn was funny and kind and brilliant, and she deserved to be treated with respect and adored for who she was. Not fucking mistreated for what she could do. And secondly… Cullen pushed himself out of the chair to tell her. From behind he wrapped his little mage in his arms, kissing her neck then resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I'm glad you accepted your fate.” Cheesy as it was, he couldn't help but take advantage of the perfect set up. He could feel her smile against his cheek.

“Me too.” Evelyn set down the spatula to return the embrace as best she could. “It seems to be an alright one.”

He chuckled. “You wound me.”

Evelyn unraveled herself from his grip to turn and face him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her tippy-toes to kiss him. “I'll make it up to you later.”

Growling, Cullen squeezed her ass. Evelyn bit her smile and began to push him away.

“No! Go away! Shoo!” She popped his ass with a dish towel as he began to return to his seat. He yelped in an undignified manner (as per usual), and she giggled. “Poor Dante is already hiding because of this discussion, the least I can do is finish breakfast and bring him some.”

“Fair enough. One question before I move on. Why no ‘face fucking?’”

“As much as I love sucking your cock,” she began with a wry-half smile. Cullen smirked; he was waiting for it. There was no way this conversation was going to happen without some form of teasing. “I like breathing more. Plus, my gag reflex is pretty intense, so I'm sure to vomit and then we'll both be sad.”

“So logical.”

“Always,” she grinned before pulling the biscuits from the oven.

Cullen returned his attention to her list.

 

_Soft Limits: anal (never allowed anyone, but for you… we'll just have to take it slow), pain (spanking, biting preferred - other specifics up for discussion)_

_Requirement Limit: when I sub, I want lots of cuddly, gooey aftercare._

_Top 5 “wants”:_

  1. _Put you in physical restraints, maybe something in Trevelyan colors. You are mine after all…_
  2. _Prostate milking_
  3. _I've never been surfed_
  4. _Or restrained_
  5. _Toys_



 

Now he had a million questions and was getting horny despite the hint of apprehension that also cropped up.

“Have you ever made a list for—“ Cullen cleared his throat. He hadn't intended to start there. “Anyone else?” He finished awkwardly.

“No,” Evelyn smiled kindly. “Just you.” She retrieved a couple of plates and a bowl.

“Why?”

“No one has ever asked.”

“Why?”

“Contrary to what you might think, most of my relationships were completely normal. My longest one, however, was a submissive. He was… sweet and—” She paused, frowning. “He taught me a lot about myself.”

That made Cullen a little uneasy for some reason. Of course, she picked up on that. The woman could read him like the books she loved so much.

“It obviously wasn't enough in the end.”

“What will be?” Cullen wondered.

“Balance.” And the way Evelyn looked at him, no matter how brief it was, made him think maybe she found that with him. He hoped so. “I'm going to run this out to him real quick.” She gestured with the bowl for emphasis before heading out back.

Cullen hopped up and was in the process of making them each a plate when she returned.

“I think it's time I hammer you with questions,” she chirped. Not expecting that for some stupid reason Cullen startled. Evelyn leaned against the counter. One corner of her mouth lifted, eyes twinkling mischievously. “Do you ask all your girlfriends to make you a list?”

Based on how hot he suddenly felt, he had to be far past ‘lyrium red.’ Perhaps ‘funeral burgundy’ or something similar because Cullen sure felt like dying. “No. Just you,” he croaked.

Evelyn looked a little confused. “Why?”

He deserved this. “I’ve never cared enough to ask.”

Confusion shifted into upset. “Why?”

“Because there hasn't been anyone in a really long time worth asking.”

“You're not answering the question,” she pressed gently.

“My last serious relationship fell apart after Kinlock, and since then I haven't— no one—” Cullen gestured sharply. Frustrated.

Evelyn stepped closer and stroked his back soothingly. “What will be enough?”

“Acceptance.” For some reason, he couldn't look at her when he said it. Cullen knew she accepted him, flawed and damaged as he was, but she shouldn't have to.

Evelyn hummed some little sound and kept rubbing his back. “Well, I like the list idea, but let's shelve it for now. I'd rather let us settle some more. It's not like things are boring, are they?”

“No. Not boring at all,” Cullen quickly assured. The list was merely to sate his curiosity. Most women he'd been with were only interested in vanilla, and Evelyn was… different in an _incredible_ way he could never have predicted. “I’d like to update mine before you read it anyway. I wasn't expecting something so… detailed from you.”

“Of course. Take your time.” She didn't sound annoyed or disappointed or anything other than absolutely content. “Maybe I can take care of you tonight. You sound like you need it.” It was subtle but the way she stroked his back changed. More fingertip than palm, just a fraction lighter, a little fluid with directional shifts. “Or right here, right now - if you need it sooner.”

He hadn't asked again since that night by the lake, and neither had she offered, but he thought about it… How could he not? The experience was seared into his heart, and now that another was hovering in the air between them, he could think of nothing else.

Evelyn stepped behind him, and sighing deeply, a sound that ignited his very blood, smoothed her hands up the expanse of his back with a firm touch. Cullen groaned, dick rousing. It took so little for her to get under his skin when she really wanted too.

She carded her fingers through his hair, tugging a little before running her nails lightly down his scalp. “I set up another barrier on the porch to keep out the cold. It’s nice in there.” Her hands began to smooth down his back. “I'm going to go eat with Dante, join us if you want. Otherwise, I want you to eat, come up with three questions about anything you want to know and be undressed by the time I return.”

Cullen had no idea if she intended on ‘eating slowly’ or not, but he stayed where he was. Undressing first, he folded his sweatpants and boxers to place them in a nearby chair. Then Cullen ate. Strangely, he didn't taste it. Her biscuits and gravy were phenomenal. Part of him worried he'd put on weight with all this cooking. He made a mental note to go to the gym more.

But he didn't come up with any questions.

And forty-five minutes later when Cullen was trussed to the chair, hard and wanting without even a single touch, Evelyn knew it because he hesitated.

“Strange.” Evelyn straddled one thigh, standing close enough he had to look _up_ at her. “You seemed so… inquisitive earlier.”

Cullen swallowed thickly. “I didn't know what would be appropriate in this setting.”

“When I said anything…” One finger trailed down the column of his neck. Static skittered across his skin in its wake. Cullen moaned, turning his head to give her easier access, but her touch vanished the split-second he moved. Some involuntary sound of disappointment left him. “I meant it,” Evelyn finished flatly.

“How did you know it wasn't enough?” Instantly he attempted to backtrack, absolutely horrified with himself for mentioning a past lover _now._ Evelyn hushed him and swirled her finger around his nipple.

“The mere mention of marriage made me nauseous.”

That static was back, and it felt so good he stopped fretting. Well, for all of a moment at least because then he blurted: “Do you feel that way with me?” His heart began to hammer heavily in a concerning way. Cullen seriously worried he was going to stress himself to death while naked and magically restrained to a damn chair, but then her hands began to smooth across his shoulders and he began to calm.

It was amazing how much Evelyn could convey with touch alone, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when she cooed: “I don't.”

But it did.

Cullen looked up at her. The third question tumbling automatically from his mouth. “Why?”

Cradling his jaw, Evelyn leaned down to kiss him. Deep and slow and light. When finished she ran her nose alongside his for a moment before murmuring against his lips in between feather light kisses. “Even before you were through the worst of it, you made considerable effort to get to know me.”

Evelyn stopped her kisses to pull her shirt and sports bra off, but she kept murmuring gentle words he really had to concentrate on to hear. “Not because of my research or because I was a mage, but simply because I was someone you wanted to know.” In a bleary haze of arousal, Cullen watched her step back and pull up a chair before him.

“It was maybe a few months into our… friendship when I went out of my way to find out what you looked like.” She pushed down her bottoms and sat to pull them and her socks off. Naked they faced one another. “So that I could try to imagine you correctly when I touched myself.” Much to Cullen’s equal parts excitement and frustrated horror, Evelyn drew her feet up onto the chair and spread wide for him.

“Nothing I dreamed up compares to the real thing though. There's nothing I love more than seeing you ready and waiting for me.” Evelyn gently spread her lips to show him her wet, pink center and Cullen groaned her name, length throbbing and spilling a little precome.

“Except for maybe hearing you say my name like that.” Her hand shifted up to slowly massage her swollen clit, and she moaned. “Tell me. Did you do the same?”

“Maker, yes.” His poor, ignored cock twitched as if trying to remind her it was there. Her gaze drifted toward it as her other hand looped under her leg to press into herself. She quickened her attention on her clit.

“Details.”

“I… Um… Dorian has pictures of you in his office, and I…” Cullen paused wishing he could wipe his brow. He was _sweating._ “There’s one of you and him on the beach in Tevinter… You’re wearing a charcoal grey bikini and laughing. You looked… perfect. I took a picture of it with my phone.” Each horrible strained word was like liquid fire pumping straight to his cock. It positively _ached._

“When?”

“Around the same time as you.” Cullen tore his eyes from her heat when Evelyn removed her fingers from herself.

“How often did you touch yourself?” She sucked her juices from her fingers with a soft moan.

“More than I care to admit,” he whispered. Before he could register what was happening Evelyn was straddling him. His whole body jolted when she touched him, gentle as it was. She barely put any pressure on his cock as she stroked him.

“Did it compare to the real thing?”

“No,” Cullen gasped, and then Evelyn began to impale herself on his erection. He moaned loudly through her descent. Feeling himself inch slowly deeper as she adjusted _perfectly_ around him. Her walls pulling wonderfully at the velvet flesh of his cock. “Not even close,” he groaned when he was seated fully within her.

“It didn't, did it?” Evelyn fisted one hand into his hair surprisingly rough for her and began to ride him in a torturously slow manner. All the way up; all the way down. Grinding just right before lifting to brush her pearl against him. He groaned heavily with each drawn out, lengthy pull at his cock.

“Don’t come and I’ll tell you the most important part.”

Cullen nodded, hearing and comprehending, but struggling to compartmentalize his desires. _Why_ was important. Essential. He’d been wondering what made him different since the first time they made love and yet he barely managed to tell her to stop in time.

Evelyn settled her weight. Even without friction, the pleasure of her heat around him was intense. It was almost _too much._ It didn't help the mage carded her fingers through his hair and brushed their mouths together nonstop. He throbbed inside her practically continuously, and Evelyn moaned into his mouth. He swallowed it greedily, locking the sound away in his very soul. How long it took him to stop balancing on the knife’s edge, he didn't know, didn't care, but when the wave passed, he eagerly begged for more.

Evelyn picked up where she left off but didn't say a word. Just moaned. Sweet, sweet music to his ears. Around him her aura enveloped him, his skin seemed to tingle in the eddying field of excited energy and Cullen was lost until she pulled roughly on his hair.

His eyes blinked open. Cullen struggled to focus on the piercing, evergreen eyes before him.

“But what matters most is that as much as you love this.” His thighs were trembling; pleasure beginning to simmer and swell deep in his loins as Evelyn’s pace suddenly quickened, bouncing bodily on top of him, seeming in time with his labored breaths.

“Mm, yes,” he agreed. Now burning hot, the coil began to unfurl as he edged ferociously towards climax.

“You don't _need_ me for it.”

“No, I just need you,” he gasped.

And then it hit.

The orgasm went on and on _and on,_ and Cullen felt like he couldn't breathe. She cradled his head through it, still working the length of him. He saw light, he saw dark, he saw sparks, and he thought he almost passed out seeing nothing at all when Evelyn finally clamped around him, tight and hot and ineffable.

When the world came back into focus, she was caged in his arms. Evelyn held him back just as fiercely; her panting breaths felt like fire against the crook of his neck.

“You once said I doubted you,” she paused swallowing thickly. “I think it's time you stopped doubting me.”

His heart clenched, realizing that's how all his insecurities came across. “I don't doubt you. I doubt myself.”

“You shouldn't,” she murmured, brushing her lips across his shoulder. “I don’t.”

Cullen sighed heavily. “I need some gooey aftercare.”

“Me too.”

At that Cullen lifted her, and with a shiver from them both, pulled out. The mage wrapped her legs around his hips, resting her head on his shoulder and Cullen retreated to their sanctuary.

They laid there for hours, a mass of tangled limbs. Sometimes talking. Sometimes not. All that mattered was for the first time since Evelyn became an essential piece of his very existence, Cullen doubted nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Some filler, hurt/comfort & fluff. Didn't get to Satinalia in time for the holidays, but it's still happening...


	11. Hydrostatic Equilibrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hydrostatic equilibrium: A state that occurs when compression due to gravity is balanced by a pressure gradient which creates a pressure gradient force in the opposite direction. Hydrostatic equilibrium is responsible for keeping stars from imploding and for giving planets their spherical shape.
> 
>  **i.e.:** A home isn’t a home without happiness.

Evelyn had a thing for plastic trees. Too bad ‘why’ wasn't a simple preference between being eco-friendly or not. It was because the one they used when her father was alive was plastic. It hurt her heart Bodhan couldn't find it. Evelyn trusted he and Sandal tore the manor apart looking for it, but alas, it was gone. Ez and she probably should have left everything untouched longer and perhaps so much wouldn't have been discarded in their pain. 

But they were young. 

Naive. 

And even after five years, it had been near impossible to walk into that house without him. Evelyn seriously doubted the additional nine would make it any easier, but she liked to think she’d save the damn tree. Though perhaps it was best because now Cullen, Dante and she had something new to build memories from without the ghosts of her past hovering around the edges. Even her and Ez had used a dinky little one at their apartment in Ostwick for years without a second thought. Still, Evelyn sighed regretfully, and Dante nudged her.

“Thanks for doing this nonsense with me, but you should have gone with him.”

The mabari leveled her with an impressively pointed look.

“I guess bar hopping would be little fun for you.”

Dante grunted an agreement then nuzzled against her arm. Evelyn gave him a half hug, and he rumbled some adorable sound that came off almost bashful. 

“It was little fun for me to be honest,” Ez piped in. 

“I don't doubt that… Well, how about I make some hot chocolate, fire up the fireplace and maybe get the lights on this thing.” She grabbed a branch and wiggled it for emphasis. Dante’s stump waggled, and with a smirk, she ruffled his ears.

Ez grabbed her hand on the way by and pulled her down for a big brotherly hug. “Thanks, sis.” 

She ruffled his hair too. 

By the time Evelyn set the last magical, pea-sized orb in the fantastically plastic, surprisingly realistic tree her and Dante picked out together, the mabari was asleep belly up in front of the fireplace, and Ez had gone to bed. Evelyn scooped up their dishes and cleaned up a little before pouring herself a glass of wine. 

Evelyn had just settled onto the sofa to watch some hilariously cheesy Satinalia movie (one of those where the ridiculously handsome prince falls for the gorgeous, kind-hearted woman who somehow doesn't know she's gorgeous or kind-hearted) when her phone vibrated. 

**Contact:** My Templar  
  
**Today** 22:13  
**Cullen:** (Disappointed Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** What's wrong?  
  
**Cullen:** You're not here.   
  
**Evelyn:** Aww… Are you drunk messaging me?  
  
**Cullen:** Maybe…   
  
**Evelyn:** I feel so special (Two Hearts)  
  
**Cullen:** You should feel extra special because Mia is upset you're not here and I took the blame.   
  
**Evelyn:** Seems unnecessary. The invitation was addressed to ONLY you.  
**Cullen:** It was?   
  


Evelyn hopped off the couch and snapped a picture of the invitation stuck to the fridge with little pushpin magnets as well as the saved envelope. While in the kitchen she made herself some ramen because she had problems. When her phone vibrated again, it seemed not to stop. Apparently  _ everyone  _ remembered she wasn't there and decided they wanted her to be — at once. 

**Contact:** Miss Mia  
  
**Today** 22:28  
**Mia:** OMG. I asked you to make the goddamned titty cake and somehow didn't invite you?! AT ALL?!  
  
**Mia:** I sent your brother an invite and I didn’t even know him! I am the WORST!  
  
**Mia:** You probably hate me!  
  
**Mia:** You're family and a badass friend who makes titty cakes and you should be here.  
  
**Mia:** Please come meet us. We're at the Herald’s Rest.  
  
**Evelyn:** I don't hate you. Shit happens, especially when you're crazy busy. I appreciate the offer but I’m already settled in for the night. Next time. Promise.  
  
**Mia:** :(  
  


Evelyn felt bad for lying. It had hurt not seeing her name on the list when she helped Mia prep for the party, but that she was included in any way eased the sting. Sure she'd become friends with Cullen’s siblings, but she had only been around for a handful of months. It wasn't like her presence was assumed or obligated as much as Cullen - and apparently Leliana - argued the opposite.

**Contact:** The Nightingale  
  
**Today** 22:32  
**Leliana:** You're supposed to be here. Despite the gross oversight on my frazzled financé’s behalf - you're an almost, *almost* Rutherford. See?  


Before Evelyn had time to ruminate on that specific arrangement of words and what they meant, exactly, she was gifted a selfie of Leliana grinning like the Cheshire Cat and not so subtly pointing over her shoulder. In the background, Cullen had a sign duct taped to his back. “Stop touching! Property of Evelyn Trevelyan.”

Evelyn snorted.

  
  
**Evelyn:** Does he know it says that?  
  
**Leliana:** Not the last bit.  
  
**Evelyn:** I bet he likes it.  
  
**Leliana:** You're on. 20?  
  
**Evelyn:** Sure.  


Next… 

**Contact:** Dorian Pavus  
  
**Today** 22:34  
**Dorian:** It's a shit show here.  
  
**Dorian:** Leliana, Varric and Bull are laughing so hard they're crying. Josie and Thom are basically fucking on the dance floor.  
  
**Dorian:** The Rutherford four can't decide if they're pissed or happy or sad.  
  
**Dorian:** Hawke is making out with Cass (weird) and I can't even find Ez.  
  
**Dorian:** Also there's a bunch of people here who served with Leliana who are just like the Chargers who are also here. The combination… it scares me. Someone is probably going to die.  
  
**Evelyn:** Luckily it won't be Ez. He took a taxi back here.   
  
**Dorian:** Without saying anything?  
  
**Dorian:** Shit. It's the anniversary isn't it?  
  
**Dorian:** Does Cullen know?  
  
**Dorian:** You put up the tree by yourself didn't you?   
  
**Evelyn:** Not by myself. Dante & Ez were here.  
  
**Dorian:** Cullen is going to be extra sad now.  
  
**Evelyn:** He’ll understand, but don't ruin his night & tell him.   
  
**Evelyn:** Please.  


The lack of response didn't bode well. 

She intended on telling Cullen herself.

Tomorrow. 

Dorian didn't listen for shit sometimes so now Evelyn was a little annoyed, but mainly still melancholic, with some warm fuzzy feelings thrown in. The girls’ messages made her feel better. Dante was always great company. The tree was pretty. Ez was here and detox easier on him than they'd been expecting. He looked great. Cullen was great. Things were great. The next 24 hours was only a passing dark cloud. 

It always was.

Which is why she needed more wine. 

She finished up her ramen, snatched up the bottle along with her very full glass, and wrapped herself up in a blanket cocoon to finally watch her shitty movie. 

Well, try too at least. 

**Contact:** Cole  
  
**Today** 22:52  
**Cole:** Everyone would be happier if you were here.  
  
**Evelyn:** Does that include me?  
  
**Cole:** No. The tree will help more.  
  
**Cole:** I'll bring him home.  
  
**Evelyn:** Don't.  
  
**Cole:** The tree will help him too.  


It was impossible to argue with a spirit of Compassion, so Evelyn let it be and shuffled through the rest of her messages which included a few random (embarrassing for those in them) pictures from Bull and a hilariously dirty limerick about her and Cullen from Varric. With all the notifications cleared, she was about to put her phone on night mode when Cullen messaged again. 

**Contact:** My Templar  
  
**Today** 23:04  
**Cullen:** I'll be home soon.  
  
**Evelyn:** Stay. It's only 11.  
  
**Cullen:** And I've been out with them since 5.  
  
**Evelyn:** And it goes until the bars close. Stay.  
  
**Cullen:** But I love you…   
  
**Cullen:** And miss you…(Disappointed Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** & I love you & miss you too, but STAY.  


By the time her awesomely shitty movie was over Evelyn had fallen asleep. 

Alone. 

But she was glad he stayed. Even more glad when she roused from her slumber around 2AM smothered by his weight. Evelyn settled a little more comfortably under him and wrapped her arms around him. Cullen rumbled some content sound and Evelyn briefly buried her face in his hair to breathe him in. He smelled like summer and stillness and serenity. He felt like quiet. He was home. Her home. 

When she began to rub his back the paper taped there crinkled. “Did you like your sign?”

“I loved it.” Cullen momentarily turned his face into her chest and took a deep breath. “I have a 20 in my pocket for you.”

“Was it for fun or what?” 

“There was some other bachelorette party at the Herald’s Rest. Orlesians oddly enough. And they wouldn't stop harassing me,” Cullen grumbled.

Evelyn frowned, feeling strangely possessive. “Harassing you how?”

“The sign was literal instruction for them.” Like Dante, Cullen didn't care for people touching him. Especially strangers. Most especially his back and she suspected the sign was placed over the worst of it for a reason. 

“Did they leave you alone after that?” Evelyn asked, not even trying to keep the anger from her tone. Long ago she stopped trying to mask her feelings from him. No matter how irrational or embarrassing they felt at the time. It was pointless since Cullen could easily decipher them from her aura anyway. 

He turned his face to plant a kiss on her chest. “They left me alone after Mia almost slapped one of them.”

“I probably would’ve slapped them all.” She could feel him smile, brief as it was. 

“I wish you would’ve been there.” When Evelyn chose not to answer Cullen raised his head to look at her. “I want to understand why you wouldn't come, why Ez left without a word to anyone and why you guys set up a big, beautiful tree in the corner without me.” 

“I'm surprised Dorian didn't tell you.”

“He only said you guys didn't feel like celebrating.”

“Cole?”

“Same.”

Feeling a little cornered, Evelyn averted her gaze. Of course, it fell on the damn tree and her eyes watered. Some little soft sound left his throat. Cullen cooed her name gently, scooting up to kiss her. He tasted like Ferelden beer and cheese, oddly enough, but that didn't deter her from returning the tender brush of his lips. 

“Talk to me, please?”

Evelyn cleared the emotion from her throat. It shouldn't be so hard after all this time, but it was. For Ez too thankfully. “Trimming the tree was the last thing we did with my father before he passed. He was lucid. Even remembered our names,” she murmured.

He frowned. “Why didn't you wait for me?”

“Because he passed fourteen years ago today, and fourteen years ago yesterday we trimmed that tree.”

Cullen glanced over at the clock. “Shit, Ev, then why did you tell me to stay?”

“I won't come between you and your family,” she insisted. Unwisely. This was bound to turn into a fight. 

“You wouldn't have. They would have understood.” 

“They shouldn’t have to.” Maker above… It was like she couldn't help herself. “Tonight was something special for Mia that's been in the works long before I—”

“Don’t,” he snapped, pushing off of her to sit up. “You've been an important part of my life a lot longer than you give yourself credit for.  _ They _ certainly understand that.” 

Her heart twisted painfully, and Evelyn brought her knees up to wrap her arms around them. Withdraw into herself. Physically hold in her pain because it was lashing out at him unfairly. 

Cullen sighed regretfully. “I'm sorry. I just want to be there for you when you need it. It was a damn bachelorette party. Mia would be pissed if she knew I was out with them  _ drinking  _ while you were here feeling like this.”

Knowing he was right, Evelyn nodded and chewed on her lip, looking at anything but him. That didn't last long because within seconds his hand was on her cheek. Thumb swiping away a lone tear before encouraging her gaze back to him by hooking a finger under her chin. His beautiful amber eyes filled to the brim with pained understanding, and instantly she moved to be at his side. Before Evelyn got very far on her own Cullen gathered her in his strong arms and squished her  _ tight, tight, tight,  _ against him. She cuddled up, tucking her face into the crook of his neck.

“I'm a lot better now.”

“Me too,” he murmured. 

“If you want, you can dispel all the lights, and I’ll do it all over again. Just for you.” It was part truth, part joke. A weak joke perhaps, but it was enough because Cullen chuckled. 

“Seems cruel. There looks to be a hundred or so and they're tiny.”

Evelyn untangled herself from his death grip and conjured up another little pea-sized light. “Here. Then the last one is for you.” 

He tentatively plucked it from the palm of her hand, rolling it between his finger and thumb with a look on his face she couldn't quite place. After a moment Cullen allowed Evelyn to slide off his lap and he pushed himself off the couch. He took his time, eventually finding it a home in the upper branches. He took a couple of steps back to take it all in. Hands in his pockets, Cullen was beautifully silhouetted by the soft glow of the tree, seemingly lost in thought. 

“Cole said the tree would help you too,” she began gently, not wishing to disrupt his quiet contemplation. 

“The last time I had a Satinalia tree was when I lived with my parents and I… um…” Cullen paused to clear his throat, but it didn't do him much good. His voice was still thick and raspy when he continued. “When you moved in, I wondered how different this place would be and Cole told me it'd be very different because a home isn't a home without…” Cullen gestured vaguely around the room. 

Evelyn let her gaze wander, searching for the word he struggled to find. Dante perked up too, seemingly equally curious. 

The fire burned low. It needed a log or two. There were a couple fronds and succulents. Plants she could actually keep alive. They probably needed water. Small trinkets Ez brought from their place in Ostwick and others she bought on a whim simply because it'd make someone in the house smile, if only once. Her and Cullen had gone to Bull’s studio and picked out some real art (even a few pieces that were merely amusing). A couple fuzzy throws. Her socks and pants on the floor by the tree. The pictures were a mixture of them together and their family and friends. New and old photos alike. His parents that she’d never meet because they died at the hands of a drunk driver shortly before Kinlock. Siblings she adored equally whether they were one of his or her only. Her father before the lyrium withdrawal left him a husk of the wonderful man he was. The mother Evelyn didn't remember because she succumbed to cancer when the twins were toddlers. 

The moment she was about to guess something, anything, Cullen spoke. So quiet Evelyn barely caught it. 

“Happiness.” 

Her heart squeezed so violently it took her breath away. Even Dante was affected by the profound sadness of that. He whined a quiet and sad sound. 

Evelyn went to comfort him. She wrapped her arms around Cullen from behind. One around his middle, the other reaching up to feel the heavy pound of his heart. She pressed herself into his back; the sign crinkled against her cheek. Dante had padded over too, and Cullen chuckled a low watery thing. He scratched the mabari’s ear and loosely held her hand over his heart. Then Cullen peeled her off him to squish her against his front, burying his face in her hair. 

Evelyn held him close and rubbed his back. “I know it's only been four months, but there will be plenty more where that came from, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agreed before briefly kissing her. Slow and soft and sweet. 

Cullen tangled their fingers together and led her back to the couch. He kicked off his shoes and jeans and placed a couple of pillows on the floor for Dante who curled up with a content sigh. Cullen laid on his side, and Evelyn pulled a blanket over them and tucked herself next to him. While not the most spacious place to sleep, it was cozy and Evelyn would happily sleep anywhere so long she was wrapped in his arms. 

Soon she found herself hovering in that fuzzy plane between sleep and awake and she thought she heard him speak. It was barely a whisper.

“A lifetime I hope.”

Evelyn didn't know if she simply imagined it or not, but she snuggled closer and sleepily hummed out a “me too,” praying his voice had been more than just a dream. 


	12. Test Charge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Test Charge: charge used, in principle, to measure electric fields
> 
>  **i.e.:** Cullen  & Evelyn get some toys & she is left with a decision.

On the third step out the front door, Evelyn slipped on a stray patch of ice. There was little to do but curse and pray she didn’t break something when she went down. Luckily, Cullen was on her heels and managed to stabilize her, a small miracle considering his arms were more full.

He chuckled. “Easy love, you'll break our toys.”

“When I said toys, this,” Evelyn gestured with their dirty Satinalia winnings for emphasis, “is not what I had in mind.”

“Why not? They look so… adventurous,” Ez put in as he emerged from the house.

Cullen snorted, but not wanting to antagonize him like that, didn't bite back. He was such a considerate friend. Evelyn, however, had no problem doing so since Ez was her brother. Inappropriate banter was part of her sisterly responsibility.

Evelyn tipped her chin at his winnings. ”I’m more interested in that type of adventure.”

Cullen shifted his load around and feigned disinterest which only made it that much more apparent he agreed.

Ez stared him down, grin growing as a faint blush crept across Cullen’s cheeks. Ez began to hand it over but pulled it from his grasp last minute as Dante bounded out of the house between them. The mabari found another patch of ice and slid into a small snowbank. Instantly he hopped out and shook himself off. Completely unphased. If anything a little happier than before he fell in.

“Do you guys want to commandeer that too?” Ez added gesturing toward Dante.

Evelyn gave him a warning glare. Her twin skewed his mouth apologetically. Cullen completely missed this silent exchange as he frowned at the mabari.

“Why would we want that?” Such an innocent question, bless him.

“We wouldn’t; it’s a collar for submissives.” The packaging had been unassuming, but it was dirty Satinalia after all.

Dante stopped prancing around and trying to eat snowflakes for all of a second, gave what would be an approximate of a shrug for a mabari, then continued on.

“Oh,” was all Cullen allowed as he dug the keys from his coat pocket. After a couple beeps, the hatch lifted, and Dante bounded inside.

“Dante seems partial to it anyway,” Ez amended as he clapped Cullen’s shoulder and handed over the gift bag containing a ridiculously nice set of restraints. He then climbed into the car without another word.

Feeling like she did something wrong Evelyn pulled down the hatch, but before she could think of a way to diffuse the awkward tension between them, Cullen spoke.

“How about we put all this up front, and you sit in back with Ez?”

Her heart twisted. “Are you upset with me?”

“No, not at all,” Cullen soothed. “Ez asked me to drop him off at ‘Lace’s’ tonight, and he made it sound like he’d spend some time with her tomorrow before coming back to the house.”

“No one calls her Lace.”

“Apparently _he_ does.”

“Oh. Does he know what that means?” It bothered her a little Ez didn’t confide in her about this.

“Yeah, but it’s hard, right? When you don't know?” Cullen shrugged. “It was for us, and we knew each a lot longer than a month.”

Evelyn hummed an agreement and tugged open the front passenger door. Ez had been _extremely_ unhappy with her reluctance to act on her feelings for Cullen. He probably wanted to spare her that same situation since he still lived across the Waking Sea. She rubbed Cullen’s back soothingly as he carefully loaded up their unopened secret Satinalia gifts on the floorboard and tucked the much-wanted restraints next to them. Finished, Cullen leaned over the console to start the car. Next Evelyn loaded up the ‘toys.’ She buckled in the blow-up dragon, facing it toward Cullen and Ez, then put the longsword vibrator in its hole.

“For safekeeping,” Evelyn explained. That, thankfully, drew an honest laugh from Cullen as well as her brother. She shut the door. “I'm going to put these in back with me in case we get pulled over by the Guard for whatever reason.” Besides some divine chocolates from Par Vollen, the ‘thanks for coming’ gift bags also had a bottle of Tevinter wine in them. Better to not risk it when everyone, save Cullen, probably still smelled like booze.

“Didn't seem to be a lot of room left up front anyway.”

“Want to tell me what's bothering you?”

Cullen blushed and averted his gaze. She stepped close, running her fingers down the lapel on his coat before straightening the prophet’s laurel pinned there. A not so subtle hint. One he took without hesitation. He tasted like peppermint, and hot chocolate and Evelyn felt a little self-conscious about her wine mouth, but he didn't seem to care. The kiss was something he apparently needed. Turning heated and _possessive_ the moment her lips parted. Their tongues slid together with a low growly sound in his chest.

Finished, Cullen held her close for a moment, and Evelyn took advantage, kissing him softly a couple more times before trying again. “Tell me.”

“The collar. I know it can be a big deal. Did you— you know, with—”

“No! Never,” Evelyn assured firmly the moment she figured out what he was trying to ask. “And don’t apologize for asking.” Cullen smiled at that. “You have every right to know.” She stroked his cheek, enjoying the scratch of his stubble against her skin. “Balance,” she reminded softly.

He collected her hand to kiss her palm. “Acceptance.”

Evelyn felt herself smile. “Better?”

“Honestly I feel like a jackass for caring in the first place.”

“As you said, it can be a big deal,” she began gently. Cullen shifted his weight, looking painfully vulnerable. No doubt expecting a return question as per usual. However, Evelyn already knew of his past relationships or lack thereof. She had no wish to reopen past wounds. Loneliness was something Evelyn too understood. Leaving her, yet again, wishing she had acted on her feelings long ago. “Which makes me curious, how did you even know that?”

He seemed a little taken aback by the question. “I… um… talked to Bull about... stuff.” Cullen began to rub his neck but thankfully didn’t blush.

“Stuff?” Evelyn set the gift bags down to lean up and wrap her arms around his neck to deter the nervous habit. He smiled, all adorable and lopsided, and leaned down to kiss her briefly.

“After your list I had questions, and Dorian was being _Dorian,”_ Cullen scowled disapprovingly, “but mercifully Bull stepped in. We met for lunch. It was… educational.”

 _“That_ I do not doubt.”

“Anyway, here's my list,” he added hurriedly, unraveling her from him to tuck a little, folded piece of paper into her hand. “I didn't give it to you sooner because I couldn't think of five wants different from yours. I finally gave up. There's only three.” He opened her car door, cutting off any further discussion.

Caught entirely off guard, Evelyn slid inside with a death grip on the unassuming piece of paper. With a small, unsure smile, Cullen shut the door, and Evelyn quickly arranged the bags between her feet. She pulled down the middle console and debated the merits of conjuring herself up a tiny light to read it. Eventually, Evelyn grew tired of pretending to listen to Ez and Cullen drone on and on about… whatever, and conjured up that little pea-sized light, sticking it to her forefinger Evelyn unfolded the piece of 5x7 notebook paper.

_Hard Limits: Same. (Must stay S.S.C.)_

_Soft Limits: physical restraints cannot leave marks, ass play (specifics left for discussion), pain (biting only preffered, but open for discussion)_

_Requirement Limit: Same_

_~~5~~_ _3 “wants” (in addition to yours)_

  1. _Silence play_
  2. _Sensory deprivation_
  3. _Public sex - preferably without getting caught_



Nothing was alarming on it, unsurprisingly, but still not the best way to hand it over so, at the exceptionally long traffic light at Mary and 1st, Cullen and Evelyn had a silent conversation in the rearview mirror about it.

She scowled first. _I can't believe you gave this to me like that!_

His eyebrows shot up. _I have no idea what you mean._

Evelyn narrowed her eyes. _Yes, you do! I at least made sure you could ask questions._

Cullen rolled his eyes. _There will be plenty of time for talking._

One corner of her mouth lifted lazily. _I’m sure talking is all you’re interested in._

His eyes crinkled just so around the corners. Evelyn could see enough of his profile to catch his roguish smirk. _Wouldn’t you like to know?_

And then they just stared each other down.

“Cullen, the light’s green.” Ez leaned forward and slapped his shoulder, and then they were off.

Evelyn tucked the paper into her inside coat pocket and fidgeted with the little orb. After a while, she squeezed it between finger and thumb, forcing it to collapse in on itself with a tiny shower of sparks. Ez gave her a concerned glance.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.” She had been dwelling on the Silence play. Honestly, it made her a little nervous, but if she ever let anyone do it, it’d be Cullen.

“About?” Cullen chimed in. Evelyn briefly leveled him with a _look._ If he wanted to know her thoughts on the damn list he shouldn't have handed it over in mixed company.

“Take the job Ez,” she pressed. “Rylen is doing great alone considering the workload, but you guys were a great team. I'm not going to guilt you and say we need you here, but I'd like you to be. Hm?” She reached over the console and playfully shoved him.

Ez swayed a fraction. “That's you not guilting me?” he chuckled.

Evelyn pouted, and Cullen snorted.

“I'll think about it.” Ez put his hand palm up on the console. Evelyn waited. “Fine. I'll let you know before the new year.”

“I look forward to hearing yes,” she chirped accepting his offered hand and settled into the seat. Ez rolled his eyes, but in the rearview mirror, Cullen looked a little sad. Family was important to him too. He’d experienced similar losses and had been separated from his siblings until he left the Order. It was sweet he hurt for her, but Evelyn had Cullen when he had no one outside of his team. While contemplating these things, Evelyn drifted off to sleep and when she woke they were in their garage.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, pushing herself out the vehicle. Cullen, Maker, bless him, already unloaded almost everything while she uselessly slept in the parked car.

“I'm the one who should be sorry,” Cullen countered, lifting her. “I was trying to get you to bed without waking you.” Evelyn wrapped her legs around his hips and snuggled up, resting her head on his shoulder. He sighed deeply, momentarily squeezing her close before entering the house. She stroked his stubbled cheek.

“S’okay. I want to open our presents anyway. I'm curious.”

 _Very_ curious.

Bull had bought the blow-up dragon based on his self-appreciating belly laugh when Evelyn opened it, and Cullen’s secret Satinalia gift was wrapped the same. Everyone was supposed to use craft paper per Dorian’s explicit instructions, and only Bull could get away with using the festively decorated paper bags from their local grocer (and wear a sweater with humping halla on it) without serious injury.

Cullen chuckled knowingly. _“Our_ presents?” He deposited her on the bed and retrieved her gift from the floor.

“Well,” Evelyn looked him over a moment. “To be honest just yours. It seems Bull’s your secret Satinalia and if you guys ‘talked.”

Cullen smirked and handed over her gift.

“You know what it is!” She exclaimed, tearing open her gift without looking.

His smile grew. “I do and don’t plan on opening it until I get to use it.”

Evelyn blinked at him, trying to determine how deep she wanted to dive. All the water she drank before leaving Dorian’s and the car nap sobered up at least, so…

“Tell you what,” Cullen continued in an evilly low, seductive voice. “I’ll go put the rest of our things away and give you thirty minutes to decide how adventurous you want to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) S.S.C.: Safe, sane, consensual.
> 
> (2) Cullen will think of more kinks later… The preggo types of kink… <3 
> 
> (3) These dirty Satinalia toys are based on real-life winnings of mine. I have weird friends. Here is the inspiration for the [blow-up dragon](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1K_OK9LSnONFADORSf0XW8hZrj4523q3g/view?usp=sharing) & [longsword vibrator](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fn8s2feRFUDbl5vlq_7YBrHHqRnQ3xMu/view?usp=sharing). NSFW pics scavanged from google since I didn't keep said gifts forever for obvious reasons…


	13. Scintillation**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scintillation: flash of light emitted when substance is struck by radiation
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn goes on an adventure.
> 
>  **OR:** A Templar takes complete control over his little mage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, spreader bar, 'Silence' play]

_ Very.  _

The answer was  _ very  _ adventurous. 

And yet Evelyn put off opening the present right away because two could play this game. 

She hopped out of bed to pee and freshen up. Definitely, brush her teeth. Then Evelyn dug around in her storage ottoman for one of Cullen’s gifts. By the time he returned, it’d be Satinalia after all. Eventually, she found the small thin box and tore it open. The lingerie was black, flowy, off-shoulder, and  _ entirely  _ sheer except for some decorative lace around the shoulders and hips. It was perfect. Especially without anything underneath. 

Evelyn tucked her secret Satinalia gift away under her nightstand for later and collected one of the restraints. There was about 6’ of chain in between each 1” thick cuff.  Oddly enough they weren’t adjustable, but Evelyn felt herself smile when it fit comfortably around her wrist. Finally, she had discovered what Cullen bought for dirty Satinalia. A risky move, but perhaps Ez knew considering her brother seemed more ready to tease Cullen than her before handing them over.

With maybe ten minutes left to spare, Evelyn turned off the overhead light in favor of the small, dimmer lamps on either side of the bed. One of these days, the mage would invest in some candles. Before climbing back into bed, she slung a cuff around one of the posts and pulled them as close to center as possible when she climbed in.

Evelyn opened the present cautiously. Not sure why considering the matte black, adjustable spreader bar she found inside wasn’t going to explode or bite. She wasn’t even positive if she could articulate her desires enough to reasonably explain the sudden rushing in her ears or unfamiliar tingling in her fingertips. 

Is this what Cullen felt like, she wondered, the moment before she’d restrain him?

She adjusted the spreader bar as wide as it would go, which was perhaps 3’, and set it down before her. 

What was it —  _ exactly?  _

The cuff  _ clicked  _ shut in the stillness of the room, making her heart race even more. 

It was undoubtedly  _ more _ than a simple thrill or desire or trust. 

Cullen froze in the doorway the split-second the other locked around her wrist. 

Evelyn wasn’t sure she’d ever figure it out, but whatever the answer, it wasn’t important. All that mattered was the way those breathtaking golden-brown eyes locked onto her. As if she were something ethereal or intangible or unattainable. The intensity of his gaze never lessened. Even as he took a couple steps into the room and undid his shirtsleeves. 

She struggled to think of something to say. Anything. But Evelyn wasn’t certain if she should speak, if she even could speak, and so she didn’t. It felt like she couldn’t breathe anyway. 

He tore his eyes from her. Walking over to his nightstand to put up his watch. When he set it down, the metal  _ clicked _ against the wood and she jumped. Cullen went very still. 

“What did you say to me the first time Evelyn?” He asked gently without looking her direction. 

“We don’t have to do this,” she managed on a quiet voice. “Not here. Not now. Not at all.”

“And?”

“I want to,” she insisted. The wetness between her thighs was evidence enough of that despite the alarmingly frantic pace of her heart.

Still not looking her direction, Cullen shouldered off his shirt. He pulled the longsword vibrator from his pocket and Evelyn shifted her weight uncomfortably. He smirked and placed it in the drawer of his nightstand. 

“For safekeeping,” he explained. A flare of amusement lit between them and instantly Evelyn felt at ease. 

“Where’d you hide the dragon?” 

His smile grew. “I tossed it into the laundry room. It was starting to creep me out in the car. Just… staring at me.” Evelyn snorted. It felt undignified in such a setting, but Cullen seemed only further enamoured. 

“I hope I eased your discomfort as readily,” she worried. 

“In a different way,” he assured, toeing off his shoes and pushing his pants down. He was fully hard, almost painfully so. When he crawled toward her Evelyn habitually reached. The chain pulled taught with a jarring sound and she winced; heart palpitating dangerously. 

“Shhh, Evelyn,” he cooed, gently stroking the side of her face. “I’ve got you.” 

She swallowed thickly. “I know you do.” 

His hand trailed down the column of her neck. Tracing her collarbone. “I thought the more room you had to move, the less tense you’d be.” Cullen ran his fingers gently along the lace around the tops of her breasts. “Is this for me?”

Evelyn barely managed to nod as his thumb swirled lightly around the peak of her breast. Nail dragging across the pebbled tip before speaking. 

“Beautiful,” he rumbled. 

There weren’t adequate words to describe the way it felt when his hot tongue slid across her partially veiled nipple. Nor when his mouth closed around the other. A tremor passed from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Evelyn moaned shamelessly. Her hands fisted in the blanket to stop herself, knowing he was  _ just  _ out of reach.

“Lay down, I want to see.”

At some point Cullen had moved the spreader bar, allowing her legs to swing out from under her unobstructed. Instantly his hands hooked under her thighs and he pulled the chain taught. Arms straight over her head Evelyn gasped at the feel of his cock pressed against her. She couldn’t help but wonder if he knew what he was doing to her. Cullen had the advantage in this setting. Comparatively she weighed nothing. Her magic could be stamped out in the blink of an eye. 

The mage was literally at his mercy. 

He set her down and spread her wide. Eyes darkening, Cullen groaned. The exhalation was warm and damp and she felt it right in her core. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He rasped out just before his tongue parted her lips and sunk deep within her. Cullen never touched her with his hands. Only his wonderful mouth. The most intimate kiss she’s ever had. He lapped at her. Traced her folds with his tongue. Kissed and licked her clit tenderly. There was nothing but sensation. An endless wave of pleasure that made her dizzy. She could feel herself losing control. Her breathing quickened despite her attempts to regulate it as her body abandoned her will. And just before she broke apart he pulled away completely. 

Evelyn tingled and buzzed and felt too damn good to care her release was denied because that only meant more was in store. She barely registered the sound of another chain being added into the mix. 

“Flip over for me, love.” 

She wrapped her hands around the chain affixed to her wrists and pulled herself up a little to have leverage to flip over. Cullen strapped her ankles to the spreader bar and stroked her thigh soothingly. 

“You’ll have just enough room to draw yourself up onto your knees and brace yourself.”

Evelyn barely managed to reach the corner of a pillow. She tucked it under her head for support or for something to bite or whatever  as she shakily complied. Head down, arms barely tucked under herself, ass in the air, legs canted  _ wide,  _ Evelyn trembled. From anticipation and adrenaline and  _ need.  _

“Cullen?”

“I’ve got you,” he reminded, settling himself between her spread ankles. Cullen rumbled some sound of deep satisfaction and began to stroke her back soothingly under the chemise. Evelyn felt herself begin to relax under his touch. His hands were so large and they never stopped moving, it felt like he was everywhere at once. 

Except where she wanted him most. 

“Do you trust me?” His voice was low and rough and she shivered. 

“Explicitly,” Evelyn moaned as he began stroking her folds.

What she was expecting, the mage wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t a gentle pull at her mana. It unchained defensively and flooded her aura in a rush. The air charged, smelling of ozone. Evelyn went unbelievably tense. 

“Shhh. Relax sweetheart,” Cullen cooed, massaging her clit. 

“I'm trying,” she gasped. Overwhelmed.  _ He  _ was overwhelming even without lyrium singing in his veins. Even more so with his fingers working magic on her oversensitive slit. “It's hard not to fight it when you go slow like that.”

“Here,” he growled, fingers suddenly leaving her bereft and she whimpered. “Something to distract you.” The flare of his cock pressed against her entrance and Evelyn sucked in a deep even breath, shoulders unbunching. 

“Good girl.” He stroked her haunch and Evelyn moaned on the exhale as he inched deeper. Once almost fully seated, Cullen rolled his hips. Thrusting in the remaining length with enough force to lift her a little. He rested  _ so deep.  _ The heavy thickness in her like an anchor. Grounding. Reminding her she was safe and whole and  _ his  _ despite an essential piece of her being siphoned away by the wonderful man inside her. 

“More,” she begged. “Please. I need you. I can’t—“ Evelyn flexed her hands borderlined concerned about the telltale buzz in her fingertips. 

“Yes you can,” he growled, pulling harder at her mana until her limbs began to feel heavy. His cock twitched with painful clarity and Evelyn moaned, throbbing around him. Wishing she had the leverage to rock back against him without collapsing. 

Cullen groaned and pulled out slowly, almost entirely, and pushed in again. 

Just as slow. 

It was like this, that Cullen began to fuck her. 

Evelyn couldn’t remember when it happened, but at some point he had completely drained her mana. It made her feel weightless and pliant. Nonexistent. Her senses deadened except where they were joined. As if the purpose of this game was to make him her center.

Well, if it was, it worked. 

Evelyn gave herself over to him. Let Cullen carry her away from the unease that plagued her earlier thoughts. Let herself float in the tide of sensation buried between her legs. She memorized every stretch and pull. Emblazoned every contour of his erection in her mind with astounding precision. Every ridge. Every vein. Even the one she loved so much as he moved within her. 

Eventually, other things came back into focus. Her hands were loose, relaxed; eyes closed, head cradled by a fluffy pillow. Cullen’s fingers dug into her hips. She liked it. Evelyn also enjoyed how he occasionally grabbed handfuls of her ass to spread her even wider. His breathing was a bit labored, and while the pace had picked up, it was still reasonably calm, so there’d be no reason for it outside of over excitement. What was causing it, she wondered.

Was Cullen looking at her tight pucker, knowing no one had had her there and no one would except him? 

Perhaps he was simply watching the smooth glide of himself, thinking about how much she loved him inside her. 

Or maybe deciding  _ this _ was how he’d rather keep her always. Spread and ready for him to fill whenever he wished. Evelyn hoped so, just the thought… 

For once, Cullen wasn’t talking. She sort of missed it, missed knowing what was on his mind, but then again, when he didn’t Evelyn was given something even better. Cullen was beautiful, mind and body, but the natural, unguarded noises he made — the deep moans, quiet sighs and low, growly sounds from the bottom of his chest — were absolute  _ perfection. _ As if on cue, behind her Cullen groaned magnificently and rolled his hips. Thrusting up into her high and deep. Grinding against her oversensitive clit in a way that made her cry out.

“This is, isn’t it?”

“Hm?” Evelyn didn’t have the slightest clue what, exactly, she said out loud or what, if anything, she had been saying this whole time. She had begun to focus on the way she was starting to tremble. Her release coiling tighter and tighter. Burning hot like a live coal. High and bright.  _ Looming _ over her without her mana. 

“Perfection,” Cullen breathed. 

“Only because of you,” she murmured hazily. 

He made a sound like she had wounded him; his steady pace stuttered. “What? No. I’m—“

“Perfect.” Evelyn dragged herself a little more from her blissful oblivion to arch her back, angling her hips so his cock hit  _ just right  _ on her inner walls drawing a wanton moan from them both. “I can hear it. I can feel it.” She tried to look behind her, but didn’t have the leverage. “I wish I could see it.”

“I’m nothing without— you are— my  _ everything _ — Please—” Cullen panted brokenly, thrusting into her with long, deep,  _ powerful  _ strokes. She reveled in the delicious friction. 

Until Evelyn realized how intensely she was about to come. 

“I’m—”

But she couldn’t finish. 

Her vision clouded. Going fuzzy, then grey, and finally dark. For what felt like an eternity she hovered at the height of pleasure. Strung out longer and longer by the relentless pounding between her thighs until she climaxed. Her entire body convulsed. Waves of utter rapture so intense Evelyn tried to curl in on herself, but couldn’t, and Cullen, now cresting his own wave, thrust into her with renewed determination. Her skin blazed so severely Evelyn felt like she was about to unleash enough electricity to kill everyone in a mile radius. Their safeword sat heavy on her tongue, but the mage held it back, knowing he had already taken that danger from the equation. 

Cullen came with a breathless shout, slamming into her a final time. Holding her hips up and steady as the scalding heat of his seed flooded her as his whole body shuddered. 

How long he rested, still buried deep within her Evelyn didn’t know, but when he pulled free she shivered at the loss with a small distressed cry. Tears irrationally burned at her eyes and the mage turned her face into the pillow to try to hide them from him. She could hear the gentle baritones of his voice. Calm and soothing despite not comprehending what he was saying. The moment Cullen freed her legs, Evelyn curled into a ball to try to stop the shaking. 

She managed to process the call of her name. Strained, almost panicked.

Overwrought. 

Overwhelmed. 

Evelyn couldn’t find her voice. 

The bed jostled as his weight bounded off. 

“Cullen,” she finally gasped. “Wait.” Evelyn forced herself upright and blinked through the tears, sending them cascading down her cheeks as she searched for him. When their gazes locked, something in his expression broke. “I’m okay.”

“Bullshit,” Cullen growled as he stalked her direction. 

A little watery laugh escaped her. “No, I promise.” 

Despite the slight tremor in his hands, Cullen deftly freed her. There were deep impressions on her inner wrists from trying to curl in on herself, but it shouldn’t leave a mark. If anything maybe a tiny bruise. Evelyn grabbed him as he tried to withdrawal. Immense relief flooded her when Cullen didn’t try to pull away. 

“Just a little overwhelmed.” She moved to kneel on the edge of the bed to wrap her arms around his middle. Obviously upset, his heartbeat pounded rapidly against her cheek. The mage nuzzled his overheated flesh, wishing she had mana to cast a charm and cool the room off for him. “Gooey aftercare is part of the deal,” Evelyn reminded when Cullen remained tense and unresponsive. He seemed to need it more than her in that moment.

Cullen sighed heavily and tugged on the lingerie. “Take this off for me?” 

Evelyn happily obliged. Pretty as it was, the fabric wasn’t meant for sweaty cuddles and she wanted her sweaty cuddles. She tossed it carelessly to the side. Instantly he scooped her up, tucked her into bed and partially settled his weight on top of her. Evelyn leaned up to brush their lips together. His mouth opened beneath hers, softly, tentatively. She drank in his warmth and sincerity. Cupping his cheeks, Evelyn enjoyed the feel of his mouth moving against hers beneath her hands. Once finished, his amber eyes searched the depths of hers. No doubt looking for some sign she was lying in the absence of her aura.

Try as she might, Evelyn couldn’t prevent the smile tugging at her mouth. “Sucks doesn’t it? Not being able to figure me out so easily.”

One corner of his mouth lifted. “Turns out I miss the way you feel considerably more than I need it to read you.”

“I think that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she murmured, carding her fingers into his hair to gently pull him close. Cullen closed his eyes and rested his cheek over her heart with a deep sigh as she wrapped her other arm around him. “I swear, you’re too good to be true sometimes.” 

His hands tightened around her ribs. “I think the same thing about you.”

“The gooey aftercare is on point tonight,” Evelyn quipped, smiling at the feel of his against her. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, but I still want to know why you were crying,” Cullen rumbled quietly. 

“Silencing during sex, I assume you know what that does?” Evelyn knew Cullen had never been with a mage before her, but if Silence play on his list, he surely had some clue what it entailed. Still, it never hurt to ask and the question was a good starting point. 

“Hawke said it’s like sensory deprivation for mages and that it tricks the mind into thinking it’s losing control at climax.”

“So I thought too,” Evelyn allowed dryly. “Evidently that last bit is quite the understatement.”

Frowning, Cullen raised his head to look at her. ”What do you mean?”

“It felt like I was about to unleash a storm that would rival New Haven.“

His eyes widened in surprise. “Shit, are—”

Evelyn pressed two fingers on his lips to silence him. “I’m okay and I don’t want you to apologize.”

Cullen shifted his weight to grab her hand. He placed an open kiss on her palm. “I won’t then, but I feel like I should.”

“It was just a little… much.”

“Maker forbid I ever push you too hard, and you actually lose control, but you have to know, I’ve _got_ you. _Always.”_

Something inside her broke loose and was set free at hearing that. Unable to form words Evelyn surged up to kiss him, to  _ show  _ him how she felt. Understanding perfectly his tongue delved into her mouth with a deep groan. There was a desperateness behind it she ached to settle, but knew full well it was being spurred on by her own.

She gasped when he broke away and  _ bit _ her shoulder as he pulled himself up and over her. “I—”

“My mage,” Cullen growled possessively, humping back into her with a  _ perfect  _ snap of his hips. “I’d never let anything hurt you, even yourself.”

Evelyn managed to nod as she angled her hips, giving herself completely over to his care without hesitation.

“Say it.”

She wasn’t sure what exactly Cullen wanted her to say, so she told him  _ everything.  _ Savoring how he seemed to lose control himself with each strained word that fell from her lips, but Evelyn didn’t stop. She wouldn’t. He needed to know the mage had full faith he would catch her if she ever fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Inspiration for said [lingerie](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pb3mGyl9_3oazwgFoC3FFR8mCrRK2vGR/view?usp=sharing) (NSFW obviously) 
> 
> (2) And now I've reached the temporary end. Chapter 14 is outlined but this fic is supposed to be _fluffy,_ not angsty. So, until I can get it back on track, it might be awhile before this gets some love...


	14. Gravitational Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gravitational Force: attraction between two objects due to their mass
> 
>  **i.e.:** Cullen realizes what matters most.

The wedding was remarkable. A fascinating blend of the two women it was for. Rustic Ferelden decor with some Orlesian flare tied seamlessly together with magic. 

There was a perfect replica of the night sky over the dance floor. The illusion even detected airplanes and clouds as they passed overhead. Crystal chandeliers infused with radiant light surrounded the large open room. Mason jars containing small drifting orbs like fireflies hovered above the table centers in randomly spaced clusters of three. Barriers erected over the balconies so guests could enjoy the outdoors without the bite of winter. Dorian and Evelyn had spent the  _ entire _ day weaving those spells and many more. It was breathtaking, and yet it all paled in comparison to her. 

Cullen briefly caught her eye as Hawke spun her around the dance floor. Her smile impossibly bright, a spark in her heavily lined emerald eyes. Her dress, modest in a way that was almost teasing, was light and airy despite its dark grey color. The golden spiral accents concentrated near the bottom and fading as the eye trailed upwards, caught the light as her skirts began to lift and reveal her legs. Evelyn winked before being twirled from view, drawing a wistful smile from him. 

He had missed her considerably more than usual while separated earlier that day, no doubt because of the occasion, and he should be the one dancing with her, but Cullen was busy nervously tapping a pen on the blank piece of paper before him. Occasionally Cassandra offered kind encouragement while Ez and Harding reminded him to breathe. Walking Mia down the aisle was an honor he eagerly accepted, but the unwanted assignment to make a speech was utterly  _ cruel.  _ Just to get it over with, Cullen had written some terribly banal shit almost a year ago when given the task, long before he had understood any of  _ this.  _

When Hawke and Evelyn resurfaced from the crowd, they came to a sudden grinding halt at the appearance of a newcomer. The man was tall, lean with broad shoulders, blonde hair tied back into a half-queue and looked like he had forgotten to shave and sleep for about three straight days. He was oddly familiar, and Cullen frowned as he watched both them fiercely hug the man - at once. After a brief chat, Hawke clapped the man on the shoulder and walked off, leaving the newcomer alone with Evelyn. There was an awkward moment of uncertain intimacy between them as he gathered her into his arms before the pair began to dance. 

Cullen disliked that he couldn’t place who this man was. Especially since Hawke and Evelyn had no prior crossover. Most especially since they individually knew him well enough for a sudden group hug. The man could be a mage he decided. Many mages knew one another since there were only a handful of schools they could go to develop and hone their abilities. But Evelyn did so in Tevinter and Hawke in Ferelden. Or perhaps this stranger was from the Free Marches. Cullen had sent Hawke and a team to Kirkwall when intel hinted at a Pride demon plotting against the Grand Cleric, and Ostwick wasn’t terribly far from there. But all that did was leave him wondering how the man could link a soldier and an academic together from over 300 miles?

“Thought you could use this.” 

Cullen managed to tear his eyes from them at the approach of his friend. 

With an arch of his brow and a quirk of his lip, Hawke held out a whiskey neat to him. “I could hear you thinking from over there.” 

Cullen involuntarily glanced back over as the Orlesian piece shifted into a twangy Ferelden number that had Mia and Leliana scrambling to get out on the dance floor in time. He felt himself deflate a little more as the duo seamlessly paired up with Evelyn and the man. After a beat of hesitation, Cullen set the pen down and accepted the drink.

Hawke briefly kissed Cass before pulling up a chair to squeeze in between them. “That’s Anders,” he gestured vaguely toward the dance floor. “We went to academy together. He did a lot of good work pro bono in Kirkwall after everything went to shit. Even patched my sorry ass up. He’s an ex-Warden. Served with Leliana in fact, but he replaced Wynn after Kinlock so you wouldn’t know him.”

“Actually, you  _ would _ know him had you paid attention to anything other than Evelyn while she was out. I only introduced you—“

With the pieces suddenly falling into place, Cullen snapped his fingers. “That’s right. He was her neurologist.” Ez shot him a surprised smile.

“I’d say he was a little more than that, don’t you?” Hawke hummed with a devilish glint in his deep blue gaze. 

Cullen briefly pinched the bridge of his nose. “Don’t.”

“I’m just saying, no one hugs their doctor like that—“

_ “Hawke,”  _ he pointlessly tried to interrupt, noticing the frown Ez was conspicuously trying to hide behind his glass. 

“— unless they used to fuck —“

Ez choked on his whiskey and Harding patted him on the back.

“— or are—“

Simultaneously, Cullen swatted the back of Hawke’s head, and Cass shoved him before he could finish that sentence. After an _ oof _ and an  _ ow!  _ Hawke laughed heartily. 

“What?! It’s why I hug you like that!” 

Cullen tossed back the remainder of his drink (enjoying Cassandra’s little sound of disgust and Hawke getting another swat to the back of the head) and hissed through his teeth on the following inhale before pushing himself out of the chair. Something flashed in her twin’s jade eyes as he stiffened defensively but stopped short of snapping to his feet when Harding firmly gripped his forearm. Instantly, Cullen regretted finishing off his drink like that without a word. He wasn’t remotely upset with  _ anyone. _ Well, except for maybe Hawke for being an ass like that in front of her brother. Cullen made a point to take the long way around the table to squeeze Ez’s shoulder reassuringly. Diffuse the unnecessary tension.

“I’m not your doctor,” Cass added once Hawke’s protests and laughs died back down to a normal volume. “And wouldn’t that imply you  _ are _ or  _ were _ fucking him too since you also hugged him like that?”

Hawke’s mouth opened and closed a time or two, realizing he unintentionally set himself up for that, then frowned. “Yes?”

Ez snorted, shoulder slowly laxing under Cullen’s hand and Harding giggled. 

“But I didn’t.” Hawke batted his eyelashes innocently, and Cass put her hand on his face, pretending to wipe the bullshit pout away.

“Then I’ll just have to hope Isabella stumbles in so I can loudly announce you two used to fuck,” Cullen allowed dryly. The look of pure panic on Hawke’s face in response to Cass’s sidelong glance was priceless. 

“And how will I know who this woman is if you’re not around?” She drawled with a tiny quirk of her lip.

Harding laughed. “She’ll likely be plastered, dressed incredibly inappropriately and throwing herself at anything with legs.”

“Oh?” She hummed, grin turning into something openly playful and troublesome. “This should be fun.” Hawke groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“Yes, it should,” Cullen chuckled, and Ez briefly patted his hand. Only then did he leave the group for the dance floor.

“You’re an ass, Rutherford!” Hawke called after him, and Cullen flipped him off over his shoulder, enjoying his rich, boisterous laugh in response.

When Evelyn noticed him approaching, Cullen mouthed  _ next dance,  _ and she nodded, smiling so bright it hurt his heart. He snagged a flute of champagne from a waiter as one wandered by. Dancing was  _ not _ his forte, so if he was going to embarrass himself willingly, a little more liquid courage was welcome. However, once seated at a nearby table, Cullen hesitated to take a drink when an immaculately dressed elf with vivid white hair, matching the vallaslin etched down the long column of his neck, gracefully collected a flute of his own and set it down on the table with an apparent intent to join him.

“You can learn a lot about two people from the way they dance together,” he said with a thick Tevinter accent as he shouldered off his jacket to hang precisely over the back of the chair he pulled up. Taking time to smooth out the shoulders in the process. Cullen couldn’t help but notice the lyrium infused ring on his left ring finger. 

“Y-you can?” Cullen stammered as the man’s sage green eyes studied him intently once seated.

The corner of the stranger’s mouth quirked up into a wry half-smile. “Them for example,” he continued looking away to gesture at Evelyn and Anders. “They know each other intimately. There is a familiarity between their bodies.” Cullen felt himself blush at the unexpected direction of the conversation. The nameless man, though not looking directly at him, somehow caught his discomfort and his smile grew. “She expects his movements but doesn’t trust him. See right there —“ the man pointed and Cullen automatically followed the man’s direction, catching how Evelyn slowed down on the turn as if she didn’t expect him to grab her hand at the correct moment to reel her back.

“And him? He’s been hurt by her. This makes him rigid; uncomfortable to have her so close again. He’s eager for this dance to end.” The stranger was right, Cullen could see it now that he was actually looking. There was a tightness in his grey eyes, and though they danced without error, it lacked the fluidity and buoyancy seen between Mia and Leliana. 

“Then why dance together at all?”

The man shrugged. “Just because the relationship ended doesn’t mean all love was lost between them.”

Since Cullen wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that just yet, he decided to ask his new acquaintance. “And how do you feel about that?”

“Grateful.”

That was an… interesting answer. With his curiosity further piqued, he held out his hand. “Cullen, though I assume you already knew that…”

One corner of his mouth lifted lazily. “Fenris.” His hand was surprisingly soft; the handshake brisk yet friendly. Once finished, the elf leaned back in the chair, crossed ankle over knee and took a sip of champagne. Immediately Fenris frowned and set it aside with an air of disappointment. The mannerism reminded him so much of Dorian it was almost frightening.

“You remind me of a friend of mine.”

“This should be good,” he observed dryly. 

“Dorian Pavus?”

Fenris laughed hard enough to bring tears to his eyes. The sound hoarse and gravelly as if not something he was accustomed to doing. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended.”

“Fair enough,” Cullen chuckled. 

“My family used to live down the street from his. It’s how I know Evelyn, and it’s thanks to her I met Anders.”

Cullen hummed an acknowledgment and took a sip of champagne. It was obnoxiously sweet, and he found himself discarding his glass in the same manner. 

“What I said about them, did it bother you?” Fenris wondered, gesturing vaguely toward their significant others.

“No,” Cullen answered, sounding a little surprised with himself at the realization. “Not at all.”

“I’m glad to hear it. They haven’t really spoken since she moved in with you and as much as they separately deny it's not because of you, it is.” His tone wasn't accusing. Just passive observation. 

Cullen felt himself frown. “Honestly I had no idea. But their… friendship, it’s not odd to you?”

A dark cloud passed over the elf’s eyes as they flitted away. Cullen could have sworn his vallaslin actually flared for a moment, blue and bright. His lip curled up into a snarl. “Would it be my ex or I daresay even yours based on the question, I’d answer yes without hesitation,” he grit out on a low and dangerous voice. Without question, Cullen never wanted to speak to his ex again, much less ever see her again, but based on Fenris’s reaction he suspected whatever he endured was far worse than infidelity. 

“And they are different, because…” Cullen encouraged gently. 

Fenris cleared his throat, and after a moment more, the hardness in his eyes slowly drained away. “Evelyn simply ended a relationship she knew wasn't enough for either of them. Of course, it took time for that wound to heal, but Anders and I are about to celebrate our second wedding anniversary. I owe her much,” he finished quietly.

“So do I,” Cullen agreed, surprised to be learning much more about himself and Evelyn than expected when this conversation started.

“The past is the past,” he continued dismissively. “And with you, she seems lighter than she has in years.”

“That’s comforting,” Cullen murmured as the piece ended and the light of his life began to approach. Her olive skin tinged an adorable pink; smile bemused, eyes questioning. Anders, on the other hand, was alarmingly pale. He and Fenris stood together, and before anyone else could speak, Cullen extended his hand out to Anders.

“I should have said so when I visited, but I owe you a debt of gratitude for all that you did for Evelyn after New Haven.” Both mages’ auras seemed to release as if breathing a collective sigh of relief. 

“Nonsense,” Anders scoffed, posture relaxing and color returning as they shook hands. “The Order would have brought back the Rite, just for me, had I let the ‘Herald of Andraste’ die.”

“Call me that one more time, and I’ll Brand you myself.” Evelyn shoved him, and Fenris chuckled as Cullen tightened his grip to help keep the man upright. The split-second he let go, she was leaning up to brush their mouths together soft and chaste and sweet despite its briefness. Reactively, Cullen grinned into the kiss and when it ended was pleased to see nothing but warm smiles from the other two.

“It’s good to see you, Fenris.” Evelyn stepped forward to embrace him. 

“Likewise.” His lips brushed her cheek, and hers his, before pulling back.

“Perhaps we can catch up later? If I don’t take advantage now, I fear he’ll run off again,” she theorized, giving Cullen a sidelong glance.

“Run from you?” He questioned innocently, tangling their fingers together. “Never.” Cullen greatly enjoyed the return blush misting gently across her cheeks as she bit her lip.

“Ugh,” Fenris laughed. “That was worse than the champagne.”

“Come now my prickly pear,” Anders smirked, lightly brushing their fingers together. “We both know that made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

And because Cullen would follow her anywhere when Evelyn smiled up at him and tugged on his hand to encourage him to the dance floor, he went willingly. Just before Fenris passed from his peripheral, Cullen caught how the elf’s ears tinged a light pink as he laced his fingers with his husband’s.

“Thank you,” Evelyn murmured, pressing her body against his as they framed up. 

Cullen pulled her in closer,  _ breathing _ her in. “For what?”

“For being you. For knowing the past doesn’t matter.”

He tilted her chin up to taste her gently. “Love, when it comes to you and me, only the future matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not one to ship Fenris/Anders, but it’s an AU & for some reason, I needed to. Fenris is a hot growly, professional ballerina, dom who takes care of poor stressed out Dr. Anders…
> 
> Next time: smut (again).


	15. Weightlessness**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weightlessness: an object in freefall, on which only the gravitational force acts.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn takes care of Cullen in the _best_ way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: massage, hand jobs, blow jobs, anal fingering, multiple orgasms]

The first thing Cullen noticed was how differently they held one another. She and Anders didn’t touch more than necessary. With him, however, her thumb gently trailed back and forth on his bicep, reminiscent of her touches to soothe, while her other hand rested loosely in his as if confident he’d never let her go. 

She was right; he wouldn’t.

Next that Evelyn framed up  _ close. _ Close enough that Cullen could feel the heat radiating from her body. Her dress floated around his legs as they moved as one, and when she turned, it lifted higher than with any of her previous partners. Wrapping around her legs as he stopped her and then fluttering back out the opposite direction even higher as she spun back into his arms. Trivial as it was, it made him smile. And when the music shifted into a slow, intimate jazz piece, Evelyn held him like they were alone. Finally, deciding to break the intimate silence between them. 

“There for a while I didn’t think I’d get to dance with you at all,” she murmured, briefly reaching up to rasp her soft skin against his stubble. “And here we still are, twenty minutes later.”

With a smirk, Cullen snatched her hand back up to place an open kiss on her scarred palm. “And I haven’t stepped on you once.”

“A broken toe would have been a small price to pay for the little bit of attention you’ve given me tonight.”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed heavily. 

“Don’t be.” Evelyn pressed closer to nuzzle against his chest. His heart began to speed up at the soft sound she quietly breathed out. “I understand how important this is to you. Did you finish?”

“Not even close. At least I have the original in my jacket.”

“Given that you downplay everything, I’m sure it’s more than adequate.”

“Adequate, sure, but it’s not… right. Not… honest.”

“Cullen, everything you do is honest,” she chided gently, slipping a couple of fingers between the buttons of his shirt to lightly graze them across his abs.

“Careful, love,” he groaned softly into her hair at the teasing caress. Already turned on by how she kept brushing their hips together. “You know what you do to me.”

“I want to take care of you,” Evelyn sighed, hand slowly smoothing up his chest. “Clear your mind for a bit. I’m sure it’ll help.” The mage gently loosened his tie.

Of course, he wanted her. He always did. So by way of answer, Cullen pulled her in so she could feel his hardening length. Evelyn gasped quietly, tugging harder on his tie until the knot unraveled. She looked up at him, and the darkness in her evergreen eyes, which could only be described as the basest of hunger, only served to excite him further. 

“Go get your speech. Meet me in the foyer.” Her short nails lightly ran down the nape of his neck, sending a shiver down his spine before slipping from his grasp. 

It took far longer than he would’ve liked to follow after his mage thanks to stumbling into Dorian  _ and  _ Hawke, at once, but Anders, of all people, rescued him with a sly grin that made Cullen blush. The additional time apart from her, oddly enough, only aroused him further as his mind, yet again, began to race. 

Why the foyer? Did she plan on dragging his ass to the car? The dressing rooms weren’t far from the front of the building. Perhaps the restroom as off-putting as that sounded. Evelyn deserved far more than kneeling on a floor of dubious cleanliness.

When Cullen entered the brightly lit foyer he was frozen to the spot once he located her lounging on a white leather sofa in the dark, roped off section of the room. Above her was a lone crystal chandelier. Her eyes sparkled under its warm, radiant light. Her chestnut waves, intricately pinned back, so they tumbled precisely over her left shoulder, seemed to glow. The golden accents on her dress caught the light as she set the water bottle she’d been sipping on down onto the small end table. 

“Public sex was on your list if I remember correctly.” 

Cullen blanched. “I think you forgot about the part where I specified I’d prefer  _ not _ to get caught.”

“Oh ye of little faith.” Evelyn brought her hand up. Her fingers deftly tapped out a precise pattern then flattened. A vivid burst of light flashed around the sofa. The mathematical demarcation of a barrier's limits. Her hand fisted and the air convexed toward her, translucent and purple for a half-second before releasing with a resplendent glow. 

Then, he was left staring at a dark and empty room in shock and awe. The Tevinter academy was known for encouraging subtlety and misdirection where Ferelden mages were taught to be straightforward and unassuming, but even that knowledge couldn’t prepare Cullen for how adept she was illusion spells. He had no idea before today.

“A containment field,” he observed stupidly.

“Literally,” her disembodied voice agreed. Clearly amused. Her hand and forearm (creepily) appeared from mid-air, beckoning.

Without requiring further persuasion, Cullen bounded over the ropes. “You never cease to amaze me,” he growled, grabbing her hand. Cock throbbing impatiently when her magic instantly began to run through his veins. Within seconds, Evelyn pulled, encouraging him forward, and Cullen was blinded by the sudden brightness in their private bubble. His eyes slid shut reflexively, and before he could gather his bearings, her mouth was on his in a fiery kiss. 

Her mouth was hot.

Wet.

And thoroughly unpredictable.

“I’ll give you a choice,” she murmured, encouraging him back toward the sofa. 

Cullen went willingly, pleased to notice the mage had already removed her dress, and somehow unbuttoned his shirt already. Cullen shouldered it off, tossing it carelessly onto the sofa as his legs bumped into it. While Evelyn wasn’t moving with a sense of urgency, she sure didn’t hesitate. Her hands were already unfastening his belt even as a couple of guests entered the building behind her. Cullen swallowed thickly, struggling to keep his focus on her and not on the strange feeling that he was about to make eye contact any second with a stranger or friend or family member (Maker forbid) while his girlfriend pleasured him.

“You can come once. Whenever you want. However, you want.” Pausing to moan softly Evelyn pulled his heavy erection, swollen and almost purple, free from his clothing. 

“Fast and hard? Perhaps slow and sweet?” It curved up towards his abs and Evelyn swiped the pad of her thumb over the clear liquid pooling at the tip, spreading the bead of moisture over the hypersensitive skin there. 

“OR you can come twice. However and whenever  _ I  _ want.” Evelyn readjusted her hold on his cock. Squeezing gently, but not giving him any friction. 

Stupid questions get stupid answers. 

“Twice.”

Pleased, the laziest smile he’d ever seen bloomed across her beautiful face. In her hand, his cock twitched painfully in response. Her evergreen gaze flitted down to it, slowly trailing back upwards,  _ devouring _ his physique, before meeting his entranced stare once again.

“Do you have any idea how perfect you are yet?”

“No,” Cullen confessed as Evelyn lightly tugged on his sack.

“Shame,” she tsked, pumping him slowly a few times before releasing him. “Strip then sit.”

While Cullen did as told, the mage wandered a couple of steps away and placed her hand on the barrier. It looked like she was waiting for a high five or awkwardly waving at the man who was walking out of the building, but the moment he was gone the barrier rippled as if water had been poured over it.

“Muffle charm,” Evelyn began, answering the unspoken question. “I had considered just telling you to keep quiet, but let’s be honest, if we’re playing by my rules, you won’t be able to.”

Despite himself, Cullen blushed, knowing the mage was right.

Evelyn dropped down to her knees before him. Her nails raked up his hairy thighs, encouraging him to spread wider for her. Her hands came to a sudden stop, framing his dick and balls. Her head cocked to the side as she watched him with rapt attention.

“As anyone ever touched you,  _ here?”  _ For emphasis, her thumb pressed firmly into his perineum and his entire cock pulsed, leaking a little precome.

“Maker, no,” he gasped. Blushing deeper as his legs canted wider automatically.

“Sometimes how neglected you’ve been upsets me.” Her thumb began to firmly stroke the virgin patch of skin in time with each stroke of his cock. 

If Cullen had the faculties to process anything other than the fact Evelyn was making words, he would have caught the hardness in her voice and realized he was  _ sweating  _ because the mage was actually mad at the thought. Her anger  _ warming  _ her aura as it enveloped him. But he didn’t. So he wiped at the sweat beading on his brow and tried to focus on  _ what _ she was saying.

“Neglected?”

“Look at yourself. What do you see?”

Briefly, Cullen took in his large, muscular chest, moving with each labored breath he managed to pull into his lungs. It was hairy. And sweaty. He felt himself frown. His abdomen was well-defined, cut. One of the few things he prided himself on, knowing it took hard work to develop and years of dedication to maintain. And even lower, his... 

_ Maker…  _

His… 

A drawn out, gravelly moan ripped through Cullen’s teeth. 

He loved watching her slender hand pull deliciously at the pliable skin on his cock. Twisting  _ precisely _ on each upstroke like he taught her simply because Evelyn knew it drove him wild. And the look on her face… Evelyn focused on his erection — his  _ pleasure _ — as if it was the most important thing in Thedas in that moment. His cock throbbed in her hand with agreement and she sighed, suddenly leaning forward. 

A shuddery sound escaped him as he watched her full, soft, petal-pink lips open for him. His entire body flexed in one fluid motion when her mouth wrapped around the hard, thick column of flesh to suck lightly on just the tip. It took every shred of self-control he had to keep his hands on his thighs.

“You. All I see you,” Cullen finally answered. “I do anything to be inside you.”

“Cullen,” Evelyn groaned, jerking him faster. “You don’t even  _ hear _ yourself do you?”

“I’m just—” 

“Being perfect and while I have no issue with you riding the crimson wave, here is not the place.” 

“Fuck, Ev,” Cullen panted as his pleasure began to lift at just the idea and blur his thoughts. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I always want you.”

“You never asked,” she hummed against the tip, sending vibrations straight up Cullen’s spine, making him shiver and moan in response. “Looks like I’ll have to make you come a third time when we get home.”

“Oh, yes. Please,” Cullen gasped when Evelyn's lips opened again to allow him into her hot mouth, but before they passed below the head, Evelyn slowly pulled back.  _ “No! Please!  _ I’m so close!”

Instantly, her head sunk back down, but she only took in a little more of his length, before pulling back again. The tortuously languid place of her mouth, slowly inching down his length with each bob of her head, was a harsh contrast to her hand quickly stroking him to completion. Cullen cried out when she unexpectedly took as much as she could fit into her mouth, beginning to work him hard and fast. So unlike her, it felt new and strange yet  _ familiar  _ and absolutely goddamned incredible.

“Ev, I’m—“

His cock brushed the back of her throat, surprising him.

Her thumb pressed firmly into his perineum. 

Then she swallowed.

Sparks exploded behind his eyes as a surge of pure, unadulterated pleasure exploded in his core, radiating outwards and making his whole body tingle. Distantly, he was aware of his hands fisted in her hair pressing her head down. His left leg trembled a little. He had bit his tongue to stifle the noise. 

Eventually, Cullen found the capacity to release her with a breathless apology. Ashamed of the possibility he unintentionally violated a hard limit. But when Evelyn lifted her head, and very deliberately swallowed he worried no more.

“One for me,” she chuckled darkly. “The next is for you.” 

That should  _ not _ have turned him on as much as it did. His cock, not yet entirely soft, instantly began to harden again. Giving a lazy twitch of piqued interest. 

She arched her brow at him, gaze blatantly dropping to his rekindled erection.

He shrugged.

“Why are you sorry?” Evelyn dug around in the huge purse she had bought specifically for this day for a moment and pulled out a bottle of oil. “It’s water soluble,” she added at his surprised look. 

“I thought I accidentally— Face fucking is a hard limit. Why do you have that?”

One corner of her mouth lifted. “There’s a lot of random shit in there. It’s a wedding emergency bag. But to answer your question, I worried you’d need some… tension release at some point today,” Evelyn smirked as she stepped around the sofa. “And that wasn’t face fucking. Persistent guidance, perhaps.” 

Cullen chuckled even as the bottle dropped down on the sofa next to him and her slick hands wrapped around his shoulder. The sound dissolving into a deep moan when she pushed that first blissful stream of magic directly into his flesh and began to work at the tension from his shoulder in earnest. Hissing reactively when she found a particularly sensitive area by the crook of his neck several minutes later. The muscle quivered at first, before turning soft and pliant under her ministrations.

_ “Fuuuccckkk,”  _ he drawed, feeling the tension  _ crack _ from his joints when she pushed down on his shoulder  _ hard  _ as he simultaneously stretched his neck to the side. His cock swayed as Cullen rolled his shoulders. 

“Other side sweetheart.” Her voice was incredibly low and husky, and Cullen felt a pang of guilt for requesting to come twice. He made a mental note to make it up to her, somehow, as his head lolled to the opposite side. 

“Do you want to touch yourself?” She whispered into the shell of his ear. Cullen pried his eyes open to gaze down at the weeping head of his cock.

“No,” he groaned, feeling a little more slick pulse from his length at the denial. “My pleasure isn’t mine to take, only yours to give.”

Evelyn hummed a little sound and sent a strong wave of static deep into his body. A ragged sound ripped from his chest, confident the mage somehow sent it straight to his cock on purpose. Coherent thought was threatening to leave him entirely as his body once again surged with pleasure. 

“Please. Not like this,” Cullen begged despite knowing how he came wasn't really up to him. “You said— You said the next one was for me."

“And it will be,” Evelyn promised, pressing down to stretch his shoulder fully one last time.

As she stepped around the couch he reached for her. Evelyn allowed him to pull her close. He kissed her for what felt like hours. When it ended, Cullen gazed at her. Stunned by the devotion shining in her eyes.

“Maker’s breath, Evelyn,” he whispered. “I love you.” Her eyes unexpectedly watered, but her smile was light and honest. 

“I love you too. More than reason.” Evelyn ran the back of her fingers lightly down his stubble. “Lay down for me? I don’t want to kneel on the tile again.” 

“Of course, Love,” he breathed, shifting to comply. With one leg bent at the knee, resting against the couch back, and the other butterflied out, Cullen groaned as she kneeled between his legs, pressing a chaste kiss to the inside of his knee and holding it there for a moment with her thumb.

A sound of deep satisfaction rumbled from low in his chest when she wrapped her delicate hand around his shaft. The residual tension bled from his frame as she stroked him. He murmured encouragement when he felt pressure on his perineum again. 

“I assume no one has touched you here either?”

A shocked sounding moan exploded from him and his hips bucked against his own accord as a savage jolt of raw pleasure struck his center at just the feel of her finger putting pressure on his asshole.

“Cullen, look at me.” 

He struggled to keep his eyes open as Evelyn languidly stroked him, never breaking rhythm or eye contact. He shivered under the intensity of her gaze, moaning as his desire for her flooded into his loins, searing under his skin like lava. There were things he wanted to say to Evelyn. Deep,  _ meaningful _ words to express just how much Cullen needed her; but the intense feeling of her threatening to breach him was shutting down his brain and rendering him weak. It was heaven; it was the Void. It was a sweet agony, like tiptoeing along a razor’s edge and Cullen just wanted more. 

“Not enough,” he managed.

Her well-oiled finger pressed gently into him, and Cullen gasped, hands grabbing at anything to keep him tethered to reality as he adjusted to the not at all unpleasant feeling. She wiggled her finger tentatively. Giving more when he asked and plateauing when he couldn’t form words. 

“One more?”

“Yes,  _ please!” _

Evelyn left him bereft for a half-second before breaching him again. Cullen gasped, then cried out loudly as Evelyn’s fingers brushed against a spot that made every nerve in his body light up. He was trembling. Every muscle corded tight with ecstasy.

She pressed on his perineum again.

Then her mouth consumed his cock.

Cullen choked on his breath as the pressure in his gut overwhelmed him, and with a final, devastating crescendo all of the air gusted from his lungs as he roared his release. The most indescribable feeling surged through his system as he came hard and fast into the heat if her mouth.

“Don’t swallow. I still want—” he panted, shuddering as her fingers left him. “I just—” Cullen pushed himself up onto an elbow as Evelyn kneeled next to him. He eagerly drank his spend from her lips, sending a final aftershock of rapture through his body.

“Maker, Cullen, I said  _ muffle,  _ not soundproof,” she grinned, cleaning her hands off with a wet wipe she produced from her giant bag of stuff. 

In his blissful haze, he managed to focus on the woman stumbling around over Evelyn’s shoulder loudly asking if someone needed help. 

It was fucking Isabella.

Cullen started laughing and he couldn’t stop. Shit, he could barely breathe. 

“Did I break you?” Evelyn looked honestly concerned.

“Heavens no.” Still chuckling Cullen wiped the tears quickly from his eyes as he finally managed to get his body under control enough to sit up and pull his mage into his lap. He kissed her softly, sweetly. “There’s only one way you could—“

“Don’t even think it. It’ll never happen.” 

He believed her. 

“As much as I want to sit here with you. I need to go fix my hair.” Cullen sighed heavily and began to pick the pins out of the intricate plait he destroyed on the back of her head in his earlier enthusiasm. “It’s fine,” she giggled. “It was pretty but not as pretty as you coming.” 

He snorted.

“Plus I need to take the chandelier back since it wouldn’t take this long to ‘fix.’” Air quotes included. “Stay and work on your speech? You’ll have a little time.”

“How much?”

She glanced at her watch. “Maybe 20 minutes.” 

“I might do that.” 

Evelyn kissed him languidly. Sighing against his mouth when finished. It was this more than anything that let Cullen know she didn't wish to leave his side. It helped soothe away the anxiety already trying to creep back into his skull. 

“Let me help put you back together and make sure all the oil is off you.”

Cullen pulled on his pants and shoes before sitting and allowing the redressed mage wipe off his shoulders and neck. The cool, wet wipe was a welcome balm on his skin. He rolled up his shirtsleeves while Evelyn buttoned the shirt. Then she tied his tie - perfectly - before loosening it with a smirk. 

He turned on the side lamp and settled back onto the sofa, accepting the offered pen and small pad of paper. 

“May I suggest something?” 

Cullen frowned at the apprehension in her tone. “Please.”

“Stop trying to rewrite it. Flesh it out if anything, add a line here or there to update it to your current mindset. I know you.” Evelyn leaned down to kiss him again. “What you’ve already written won’t be thoughtless or half-assed. It’s probably perfect, but you never see that capability in yourself.” Her smile was sad but trying. “But I guess that’s what makes you, you. I accept you, but you need to accept yourself too at least, okay?”

His emotions swelled, and he yanked her close to bury his face in her chest. She lightly carded her fingers through his hair. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” he croaked.

“The barrier will remain intact until you touch it,” Evelyn murmured into his hair. “I’ll text you when it’s time.”

It took great effort, but Cullen let her go.

He did as suggested, grateful her pen was green ink to stand out against the already memorized black. Since it already embedded in his brain, it probably was the reason he could write nothing new. Within minutes, he finished. Content. Largely because Evelyn had faith in him and had instilled some in him with the sheer strength of her own.

Cullen allowed his mind to drift to other things, but before long his phone vibrated. 

**Contact:** My Mage  
  
**Today** 21:19  
**Evelyn:** Time’s up sweetheart.  
  
**Evelyn:** I know you don’t want to do this, but it’s almost over.  


Cullen exited her messages to look at the picture of them together on his home screen. He felt himself smile.

For them, it was only the beginning…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chandelier inspiration can be found [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EmMh3RJxn5ZRK-mcieJYGr3TnHD0W-0L/view?usp=sharing). I work at a construction company & we just put a bunch of these in a sorority house we remodeled. CRAZY pretty… STUPID expensive.
> 
> Next time: Hurt/Comfort? Fluff? Maybe smut? Who knows!? I haven’t decided where this goes next.


	16. Apastron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apastron: The point of greatest separation of two stars, such as in a binary star system.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Both are reassured it's only the beginning of something much, much more…

Dodging bullets and combating plumes of fire was one thing. It was instinctual. Ingrained in him after years of service. A predominantly useless skill in civilian life. Speaking, on the other hand, was essential in both arenas. Something he excelled at as a soldier. Barking orders. Strategizing. Debating intel. Void, even now he could go toe-to-toe with a room full of pissed off officers. On a personal level, however… 

Cullen struggled. 

And that was okay. His loved ones understood, showed patience and support. Unfortunately, roughly 200 people staring expectantly at him was something entirely different. He tried not to let the situation agitate him, but Cullen epically failed at that. A little knot had settled in the base of his throat making the simple function impossible; his heart thudded just below it impossibly fast. A bead of sweat trickled down his temple. Cullen gripped the microphone tighter as a tremor unexpectedly waved through the limb. Reactively, he clenched his jaw and pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to counteract the pressure building in his skull. Now was not the time for a withdrawal episode, but in all truth, he expected it, as did his girlfriend, apparently.

The air around him suddenly cooled encouraging the gathering storm to disperse under the comforting field of her magic, taking the sharp stab of his migraine along with it. Determined not to disappoint Mia, Cullen forced his posture straight. Vision tunneling until nothing existed except the pair of haunting evergreen eyes already locked onto his own. Having stepped into the Commander persona almost defensively, Cullen tried to make his face even, to soften his features in order not to be glaring at her, at his audience, with such severity. He hoped the attempt translated into something like passive acknowledgment.

_ Ignore them.  _ Evelyn mouthed.  _ Talk to me.  _ She patted her hand over her heart and smiled reassuringly.  _ Talk to Mia. _

“Anyone who knows me knows talking isn’t my forte.” There was a low round of chuckling. Off to his immediate left, Varric rasped  _ ‘understatement of the year.’ _ Cullen scowled at him, and the dwarf’s brow shot up with an air of surprised innocence. Reflexively, Cullen felt himself unwind a little at the familiar banter, and when he noticed Evelyn’s smile had shifted into something warm and affectionate, it enabled him to relax further into the situation.

“Then to add insult to injury, I’m trying to fill my father’s shoes tonight, and while that in itself is impossible.” He turned to face his sister. A perplexingly disorienting level of gratitude towards her settled heavy and deep within his chest; an unexpected, overwhelming feeling of  _ worthiness _ he was unaccustomed to experiencing outside his relationship with Evelyn. “It’s an honor to stand here in his place,” Cullen admitted. Something in Mia’s expression broke.

“You see, tonight, our parents would have celebrated their forty-first wedding anniversary, and without question, he would’ve known what to say, what wisdom to impart upon my sister and her new wife.” He tried to clear the gravel from his voice while Mia very pointedly looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to hold back the moisture gathering in her chocolate colored eyes. She grasped her wife’s offered hand as a lifeline. Leliana held it in both of hers, thumbs gently stroking the back of her hand in a consoling gesture.

“And a year ago, as I sat in my house trying to draft this speech,” Cullen lifted the folded, tattered and worn piece of notebook paper covered with his handwriting for emphasis before tucking it into his pants pocket. “I found myself wondering what it took to have a marriage like theirs. Specifically, what was essential for two people to want to be together… indefinitely?” Instinctually, his gaze shifted back to Evelyn, to the one person in this world he couldn’t live without. Convinced he knew that fact even back then. 

Cullen was disturbed to notice a paradoxical strain to her smile. It had been so long since he’d seen the mage try to mask her emotions that he barely recognized it. How could Evelyn doubt her place in his life? He errantly worried. Unquestionably, he’d articulated the depth of his feelings for her accurately enough by now for her to know he wanted so much more than what they currently shared. 

Hadn’t he? 

Cullen felt stunned by the possibility he hadn’t like a bullet had pierced his heart stopping him in his tracks and he suddenly couldn’t remember what he planned to say. 

“At the time,” he continued evenly. Somehow. “I didn’t have a clue, so I approached several friends who had the type of marriage I wanted for my sister and asked them how they knew they found ‘the one.’ Unfortunately, no one answered that question the same way. One friend told me they felt understood for the first time. Another finally felt capable of letting their guard down.” His gaze impulsively fixated on these individuals, first Dorian and then Varric, finding appreciative recognition in their expressions. 

“Then there was a sense of being unburdened, feeling safe, rekindled faith, being looked at like they mattered. Not once was I given any overlap, nor did any helpful pattern emerge. So, confused and frustrated, I did what any good brother would do, and wrote some terribly cliche speech.” The wave of entertained laughter that chased after his confession reinforced his decision to take advantage of the blank and precisely do as Evelyn said.

Talk to her.

“Luckily, I can spare everyone that.” Another round of low chuckling sounded through the room along with some whoops and hollers. He found Evelyn’s eyes with his own again, found them hopeful and pleading. “Because I now understand that it’s all about balance,” Cullen told her. At that Evelyn’s marred hand reached up to cover her mouth. Drawing more attention to the fact that she was trying to hide something.

“It’s about finding that person who offers you everything, and in doing so, fills a void in your very soul.” It was probably evident in his voice, suddenly sounding unusually rough, how profoundly that truth affected him and Cullen saw the split-second any hope of stopping the torrent abandoned her. When the tears started to fall, hot and heavy, she nodded, gaze never leaving his own as Evelyn, surprisingly, giggled a little.

As if coming out a trance at the sound Cullen remembered this speech wasn’t supposed to be about him, or even her. He returned his attention to the women of the hour. Their hands were interlocked tightly as if they never planned to let go and despite the tears slowly trickling from their eyes, something deep and wordless passed between them. It was an astoundingly beautiful moment. One Cullen prayed he’d share with Evelyn someday while her brother gave a similar speech.

He cleared the emotion from his throat. “In offering everything to one another, Leliana and Mia have found that balance, that essential something that will make their marriage last indefinitely. Which makes me proud to say, tonight, I’ve gained not only another sister but a sense of peace, knowing someone will look after Mia the way she looked after us all these years in the absence of our parents.” Cullen lifted his champagne flute toward them, feeling as if a weight lifted off his shoulders. “To the Rutherford’s.” Even as the room echoed his toast, Mia was on her feet striding toward him with purpose. She threw her arms around him, Cullen barked out a surprised laugh as he caught her around the waist, lifting her up a little in a giant bear hug. 

“Fucking Void, Cullen,” Mia sobbed against his shoulder when he set her feet back on the ground. Her high heels gave her enough additional height to put them almost at eye level. “I can’t believe you thought you couldn’t make this memorable.” He pulled Leliana into a half-hug once Mia released him to wipe her eyes. Much to Cullen’s astonishment, the petite redhead wrapped her arms around his middle to embrace him fully. He rubbed her arm soothingly as she sniffled lightly. 

“I should shank you for making me cry,” Leliana deadpanned, startling another laugh from Cullen. She released him and gently pushed him away. “Now go find Evelyn. I think you broke the poor thing.”

Cullen blushed, a little ashamed of making her cry like that when he was unable to comfort her. “Causing her distress wasn’t my intention.”

“It would’ve been kinder just to propose than stare her down while—“

“Maker, Mia! You’re as bad as Dorian is about this. I don’t—“ Noticing the mage had disappeared from her seat, panic lanced through him, automatically fearing the worst. “Did either of you see where she went?” 

Mia gripped his forearm firmly. “Don’t fret, Cullen. She went outside, probably just to get some air.”

He resisted the urge to rush after her to give Evelyn the time she probably needed to collect her thoughts and dry her eyes. To stall, Cullen ordered them each a drink and grabbed a piece of chocolate cake to share before shouldering through the curtain of lights as confidently as possible. 

Cullen didn’t feel the magical orbs in any capacity as he exited the reception hall onto the balcony Mia had gestured toward. Whether that was intentional or he was merely numb to anything else except the unease he could already sense, Cullen didn’t know or care because there was no denying he shared a bit of that. It was foolish really. If he couldn’t comfortably discuss with Evelyn what sort of future they wanted, how would he ever find the strength to take advantage of a private moment with her to look into her eyes and ask her to be his wife.

“I should apologize.” The low murmur that barely reached his ears in the tense silence startled Cullen almost enough to drop everything he was carrying.

“Apologize for what?” His voice was unnaturally hoarse. Evelyn pushed herself off the balustrade to face him. She carefully took the drinks from his hand to set them down on the ornate stonework. The mage drew closer to him, pulling him towards her with the hand now encompassed in his own. Even as Cullen set the cake down alongside their drinks, Evelyn gently touched his cheek as if to banish his disquiet. 

“For being an idiot,” she quipped, voice strained as a small smile slipped across her features. Cullen felt an outpouring of affection as he yanked her close, facing dropping to the top of her head as relief nearly made him go weak at the knees. He buried his face in her hair. It tickled his nose as he deeply inhaled her scent, the sweet floral notes of her shampoos and the faint smell of rain that seemed to accompany her at all times.

“S’okay,” he huffed on a broken chuckle. “I forgive you.” Cullen drew her in further, but the slight tremble in her frame had him pulling away, worried he had misread the situation, and more importantly, her aura somehow. Evelyn fisted a hand in his shirt, keeping him close as a delighted peal of laughter rang into the night. The other flew to her mouth in an attempt to stifle the noise that was escaping her like it had been bottled up for ages and his playful absolution a desperate release. Tears instantly sprung to his eyes as all the stress accumulated over the past twenty minutes flooded from him. How long they stood, laughing and hanging onto one another for support, Cullen wasn’t sure, but eventually, he found the capacity to take several steps back and collapse onto a bench, dragging his mage down with him. He squished her against him, sighing happily as the bought of irrational mirth finally subsided.

Evelyn let her hand card through his hair a couple of times before coming to rest on his shoulder, uprooting her face from where it buried in the crook of his neck. Her joyful countenance faded into something open and honest, and the way she looked at him was so… intense like there was nothing else in this world as paramount as he was. Their interlocked gaze turned into faces nearly touching. Cullen swore her aura pulled him in until their lips finally met, and a shudder rippled down his spine as her soft hands splayed against his cheeks. It felt like everything written in her heart was being disclosed to him without words. Even though the kiss only could have lasted a minute or two, it seemed like time suspended. Ushering in an eternity of her warmth pressed against him while their mouths opened to each other in a meaningful dance of tongues and breath.

Evelyn pulled away first with a soft sound in her throat, looking a bit outside herself. “As much as I’d like to go,” she sighed, slipping off his lap to collect their drinks and the cake. 

“We should stay until the fireworks at least,” he reluctantly agreed. Cullen helped her arrange the items on the side table before pulling her down next to him.

“I think I can manage to share your attention for a couple more hours.” 

“If anyone decides to join us, sure, but I see no reason to go back in unless you’d like to dance some more.” He collected her hand, ghosting his fingertip along the red blotch that wrapped around her ring finger where an engagement band would rest. When Cullen found the courage to look at her again, there were stars in her eyes. 

“Nah, this right here is all I want.” 

Relief and triumph coursed through him then in a heady mix. Try as he might, Cullen was unable to tame the grin stretching across his face. Evelyn bit at her smile, her cheeks darkening. She then toed off her shoes, tucked her feet underneath herself and curled into his half-embrace. He tangled his hand in her locks, pulling her closer to brush his lips across her temple with a sound of contentment from deep in his chest. 

After some time of peaceful silence in which they solely enjoyed the closeness of one another, a group of friends wandered out. Bringing the pair new refreshments and dragging over random pieces of furniture to create a cozy ring of conversation and laughter. Cullen took it all in, caught in the very surreal sense that everything that happened in his life happened for a reason. All the joy. All the pain. Everything led to this  _ exact _ moment. To new friendships and relationships that were just as essential and vital as the long-established, and Evelyn… 

He had never believed in a soulmate before, but when the countdown to the new year began, and Evelyn looked up at him with a promise in her eyes, Cullen began to wonder if maybe he had all along. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Varric is married to Bethany. She's his 'sunshine.' D'aww...
> 
> Next time: No idea. Probably some more character build because I can't write smut without feelings...


	17. Cataclysmic Variable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cataclysmic Variable: A binary star system containing a white dwarf that exhibits sudden outbursts of energy.
> 
> **i.e.:** Evelyn worries over her ability to give Cullen everything he deserves in life.

Ever since First Day’s Eve, everything between them felt more solid. For both of them she noticed. Cullen wielded a newfound confidence in their relationship that bordered on fierce possessiveness, but belonging to him, ring or no, felt like the most natural thing in this world. Evelyn willingly gave herself over to him. Losing herself in his passion and dedication. It was an easy thing to do considering Cullen was beautiful and thoughtful and selfless and she — 

A sharp stab of awareness hit her emotions and Evelyn blinked through the tears suddenly obscuring her vision. Her heart seizing again at the possibility she couldn’t give Cullen everything he wanted from life no matter how much she wanted to, and so, with only the slightest bit of hesitation did Evelyn card her fingers through his hair. Gently pushing a few loose, golden curls that had fallen across his forehead when he rolled over back into place. It was rare thing to see it unruly like this, but Cullen had taken her to bed immediately after his shower, without doubt seeking physical reassurance everything was alright between them.

At the tender caress, Cullen reached for her in dreams with a low rumble of incoherent mumblings. Arm swiping out, seeking, and not finding; he snapped awake before the curls on his head settled into place. His amber eyes wide and alert, maybe even a little bit frightened. Once Cullen processed everything was perfectly fine, he plopped back down into his pillow, blowing out a relieved sigh between his lips and rubbing his face with the meat of his palms for a moment. 

“I’m sorry,” she offered sheepishly, sliding down in the bed a little to move back into her space. Evelyn had been leaning against the headboard with her legs tucked under herself while she debated the merits of selfishly waking him. In hindsight, Evelyn wished she had confided in him the moment they were alone, but the mage didn’t anticipate how much this was going to eat at her in the dead of night. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“S’okay.” Cullen rolled onto his side to prop his upper half up on a forearm. “Especially if you’re finally ready to talk about whatever minuscule thing is bothering you.” He flashed her that crooked half-smile she adored. Evelyn bit at the grin threatening to bloom across her face. It was near impossible to be upset around him. It was as if Cullen simply wouldn’t allow it. A teeny-tiny part of her resented that, but again, he wouldn’t allow that either, so it wasn’t a surprise when his smile grew that hers did with it. 

Evelyn turned her nose up in an attempt to adapt an air of affront. “Am I really that obvious?”

“Yes, love,” he chuckled. “You are.”

She held her marked hand out to him seeking the warm comfort of his touch and he immediately answered. Evelyn cradled his large, calloused hand with both of hers, feeling as if Cullen pulled her from the tempest of insecurities plaguing her thoughts back onto solid ground with the contact alone. Opening up to him was so easy. There was never any criticism to combat or explosive reactions to worry about. All serious discussion was met with careful consideration and respect. Agreeing to disagree when necessary and ruminating on his thoughts before revisiting a topic that had caused him disquiet. Despite those truths, what she wished to discuss was nothing minuscule.

“Do you remember when you told me this place,” she gestured vaguely around the room for emphasis, “is where you imagined having a family of your own?”

His brow furrowed. “Of course I remember. I never considered it a possibility until that first night with you.”

Her heart fluttered; a great stirring in her very soul at being reminded even back then Cullen wanted so much more than Evelyn dared dream at the time, but the weight of it instantly came crashing down upon her. Perhaps sensing the gravity of her inner turmoil, Cullen allowed her to look away for once. Almost absentmindedly, he began to play with the hem of her t-shirt with the finger and thumb on the arm propping him up while his other held on tighter. Seeming to be war between tugging her close and giving her space.

“Please talk to me,” Cullen implored after the silence stretched between them for longer than he was comfortable. “I need to understand why this is upsetting you all of a sudden.” His voice was barely a whisper, but Evelyn could hear the dread he was desperately trying to conceal. It was this more than anything that drew her attention back to him, and the way Cullen held her gaze with a pained, uncertain vulnerability made the scene which triggered her matching emotions play out in her mind. 

Cullen had been balancing his godson on his knees. Aiden, barely into his first year, was belly-laughing as Cullen gently tickled the little boy and rumbled low words that were not heard, but she knew by the look on his face that they were sweet and loving. He had been so focused on the little one not to realize she had arrived home until Alistair’s excited greeting alerted him. How much Cullen enjoyed entertaining a young child, and how natural it had appeared, affected her more intensely than Evelyn could have ever predicted. 

“What if I— can’t… give that to you? What if I’m —“ Evelyn covered her mouth to hide the quiver of her lip as all the ways to finish that sentence tumbled through her thoughts -  _ broken, infertile, barren - _ leaving her feeling strangely raw and unworthy of the radical change in his expression as Cullen reacted to her words.

“Ev, sweetheart.” He pressed feather-light kisses on the backs of her knuckles. “We could always adopt.”

A shaky laugh escaped her as she nodded. Everything between them always seemed so straightforward, unproblematic, from Cullen's perspective. 

“The possibility you can’t,” Cullen continued delicately. “Is that a hypothetical or something you know for certain?”

“A little of both? I, um… I’m actually on the pill because I have really crazy cycles, like sometimes months in between periods, and—“ Evelyn paused to clear the thick emotion from her throat. “I’ve been warned conceiving may be… difficult.”

“But not impossible.” The smile that crept across his face as he said that was radiant, exactly as it had been earlier when their gazes interlocked while Cullen held Aiden.

Her vision began to blur again as certain tears began to well up just as his eyes cast down as if trying to prevent her from seeing the longing in his eyes, but it was a pointless endeavor, because not only did Evelyn see it, she felt it too. She had never been one to dote over babies. Honestly, prior to Cullen, Evelyn found the idea of having one off-putting, but now… she could picture it. Vivid sharp. An infant of their own flesh and blood, blinking up at her innocently with eyes the exact color of Cullen’s. The thought of not being able to give that to him, to herself —  _ hurt. _

Sighing heavily, he pushed himself upright. “I know what you’re thinking.” Cullen slipped his hands under her commandeered t-shirt to remove it, then very deliberately tossed it off the bed to deter her from putting it back on at any point in the foreseeable future. How much he loathed her habit of sleeping in his t-shirts, or rather clothes in general, just because he preferred clothes-free cuddles in the privacy of their room, was adorable. 

One corner of his mouth lifted when he noticed her amusement. It was incredibly satisfying Cullen was just as unable to be troubled in her presence as Evelyn was in his. That fact only served to make the involuntary quirk of her lip grow and his with it until he rubbed his mouth as if to wipe it away. 

“And you need to stop,” Cullen insisted, trying, in vain, to sound stern. 

Evelyn did her best to exude innocent confusion. “I have no idea what you mean.” 

Cullen gave up trying to arrange his face into something reproachful and pulled her in for a quick kiss. “You are the worst.” 

“The worst at making babies,” she muttered under her breath. He laughed at that, the sound low and rich. 

“Stop it!” The remnants of laughter dying in his throat as he tugged on her hips, forcing her to lay down with an undignified squak. “I’m trying to make you feel better about this, and you’re making it difficult!” The weight of him settling on top of her was warm and comforting, and Evelyn was acutely aware of the thumbs that slid idly along the sides of her breasts.

“I do feel better. I just… never wanted children before you.” Her voice sounded very small to her ears. The admission tumbling from her in a shameful rush, and her heart skipped a beat or two when a small smile, soft and full of wonder, slipped across his face. “And now I worry all these years of just putting a bandaid on the problem will take that from us.”

“Then remove the bandaid.” 

There was a heavy beat of silence. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Completely.” The word spoken in quiet, heartfelt promise. “Get it out of your system so we can work on figuring it out -  _ together.” _

“But what if I end up…” Evelyn whispered, letting the unfinished thought dissolve into a rueful twist of her lips at the unlikelihood.

“At least then you’ll have to acknowledge it’s not impossible,” Cullen replied smoothly, eyes softly accusing as the corner of his mouth turned up in a tiny, playful smirk.

Evelyn laughed brightly at the unexpected, little dig; covering her face to stifle the sudden noise. Her hands fell aside when Cullen readjusted his positioning on top of her. 

Then she saw it.

That glimmer in his amber gaze, and… 

_ Maker. _

It was breathtaking how a simple look told her how much she meant to him. Evelyn prayed everything in her heart translated to him just as readily. It seemed like it. Especially when his eyes slid closed with a soft sound in his throat as he leaned into her touch on his cheek. Groaning softly when she lovingly scratched at the beard he was growing for some competition they were having at work.

“Okay.”

“Really?” 

Evelyn leaned up the remaining distance to press their mouths together. The kiss was long. Unhurried. He sighed through the final brush of their lips. Then smiled when she answered, “Yes, really.”

Cullen buried his face into her neck. His beard tickled her skin. She could feel the shape of his grin against her, pulling even wider as if he could sense her answering sentiment. Evelyn lightly ran her nails across his scalp as she played with his messy curls and wrapped her other arm around him. Cullen’s muscles shifted underneath the palm of her hand as he settled into her half-embrace. Habitually, she began to trace the memorized lines littered across his back with her fingertips. Cullen rumbled with content then, the action large and deep, felt as much as heard.

“That went over a lot better than I anticipated,” he murmured after an extended period of peaceful silence between them.

“Well… if I’m to be completely honest, I was already tossing the idea around.” That smile of his was back. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She squeezed him tight for a moment. “I texted my aunt while you were in the shower since both her and my mother had troubles conceiving.” 

“And?”

“She said most doctors wouldn’t do much unless you’ve been actively trying for a year without result.” Evelyn sighed tiredly then. “And that it'd be a good idea to hone in on the problem before I’m over 30 and being decrepit starts becoming an issue too.”

“Hey now…” Cullen grumbled, feigning offense.

“Her words, not mine, and you, my cuddle bear.” He growled playfully then, and she snorted. “Are anything but decrepit. But I must admit… I can’t wait to see you with grey hair.” Evelyn ruffled his curls for emphasis. 

A low chuckle rumbled through him.

He pressed a soft, open kiss on her chest.

“It’ll all work out, love. Have faith.”

A little knot settled in the pit of her stomach at his seemingly unshakable confidence. “And if it doesn’t…” Evelyn hated to continue, worried about how selfish the heart of her concerns would come off. “Will this be enough?”

“Don’t you ever think—“ 

In the following silence, a couple of tears fell against her skin and Evelyn tangled her fingers deeper into his hair. She held him close and palmed his cheek lovingly, trying to silently convey she understood, that finishing that thought wasn’t necessary. Still, after Cullen took in a deep, shaky breath, he did anyway.

“This is already so much more than I ever expected from life.”

At that moment, all Evelyn could do was pray all those dreams Cullen never used to allow himself would come true. For him as much as for herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Evelyn's struggle with infertility will be written largely based on experience. If anyone has an issue with how I present it please remember that it's different for everyone...
> 
> (2) I know the timeline is vague, but that's intentional. If anyone wants any clarification @ any point, ask & I'll clear it up.  
> _______________________________________________________________________________  
> Commissioned art from [xla-hainex](http://xla-hainex.tumblr.com/).  
> 


	18. Critical Density

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Critical Density: the value at which the universe is at balance, and expansion is stopped.
> 
> **i.e.:** Evelyn does what she can to make a day Cullen loathes special.

Leaning back into the chair, Cullen checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time. The picture on the lock screen flashed bright for a few moments before going dark. The photo was a recent update, taken a couple of months ago at Mia’s wedding. At the time neither he nor Evelyn knew they were being photographed. They were doing nothing extraordinary to draw attention to themselves, only collecting their things in preparation to leave, and yet Cullen could remember that specific moment between them with astounding precision.

He had Evelyn tucked under his arm, and she was looking up at him. Affection manifesting itself in a gentle flare across her cheeks, tugging at her lips as he teased her for catching the bouquet. Though in reality Mia literally threw it at her and Evelyn could either get smacked in the face with a bundle of flowers or catch it.

Much to his surprise, his mage didn’t deflect or employ sarcasm as per usual when he picked on her, Evelyn quietly said: “If we want to be together, it hardly matters if I caught it or not.”

How Evelyn managed to say so much, with so few words, and vocalize everything they hadn’t stated outright that evening took his breath away. Cullen cherished that moment, and the fact he had a picture capturing it, beyond measure. Unfortunately, the reminder was currently doing nothing but amplifying his anxiety and frustration as he waited impatiently to hear back from her.

The current situation was entirely his fault, Cullen knew. Had he not _snuck out_ that morning to go for a run, and then got so caught up in his own shit to forget - somehow - it was fucking _Tuesday._ A fact which only made everything _worse,_ perhaps he would’ve gotten more from her today than a few dismissive messages late in the day.

Sure, her project demanded inordinate amounts of her time. Especially as of late with how close they were to perfecting the integrated core system. Except it was unlike Evelyn to not make time to check her messages throughout the day. Cullen was confident if he called, she’d answer, but honestly, he was a little ashamed of himself, and so he didn’t.

As if sensing his distress from afar, his mage finally answered.

  
  
**Evelyn:** Nope.  
  


Bullshit.

Cullen scrolled back up to reread the brief and somewhat strained conversation.

**Contact:** My Mage  
  
**Today** 08:26  
**Cullen:** Sorry about breakfast, I’ll make it up to you.  
  
**Today** 16:48  
**Evelyn:** It’s fine. No need.  
  
**Cullen:** When will you be headed home?  
  
**Evelyn:** I’m on my way now.  
  
**Cullen:** Can I start getting anything ready for dinner?  
  
**Evelyn:** I already picked something up.  
  
**Cullen:** For all of us?  
  
**Evelyn:** It is still Tuesday, isn’t it?  
  
**Cullen:** Are you upset with me?  
  
**Evelyn:** Nope.  
  


With a frustrated sigh, Cullen tossed his phone carelessly onto the breakfast bar and cradled his head in his hands.

It was an unspoken arrangement between them to have breakfast together in his office before starting the day. After all, ‘try new things Tuesday’ was what led to them being where they are now. Except this Tuesday wasn’t just any Tuesday… It was also his birthday.

After Kinlock, it pained him considerably to celebrate the occasion. Compartmentalizing it as just any other day helped him cope with the guilt of being the sole survivor of something that ended with so many very cruelly robbed of ever even seeing another day. Of course, over time that guilt became bearable, and eventually, Cullen allowed minimal fuss on his behalf. Occasionally indulging in a quiet, companionable drink or two with people who respected his feelings on the matter. Without a doubt, someone warned Evelyn of this as she not once mentioned his birthday was upcoming. So why he acted the way he did this morning was a bit of a mystery to even himself.

Just as Cullen petulantly undid his shirtsleeves and swore, the front door swung open. Her arms were _completely_ full. Dinner from some restaurant, whose logo he didn’t recognize on the bag, dangled from the crook of her arm as Evelyn somehow managed to carry a large, flawlessly wrapped gift with a small cake balancing on top while clutching a bottle of wine, her keys and wallet.

“A not so happy Tuesday then.” The corner of her mouth turned up ruefully as she kicked the door shut behind her.

Cullen rubbed his face with the meat of his palms, feeling like an ass for a multitude of reasons. Like for not instantly getting up to lighten her load for example, primarily since a majority of the things she carried were unmistakably for the occasion. “I’m sorry,” he managed, his voice muffled in his hands.

“Don’t be.” Evelyn paused to carefully set the items down on the kitchen countertop before him and when she continued there was a beat of hesitation in her voice as if considering her next words very carefully. “I understand why today is difficult for you, and I didn’t wish to discuss it without being face-to-face, but you should know by now that a lot of people are glad you’re still around.” Her voice was heavy with an emotion Cullen had never quite heard from her before so clearly. Almost a sense of loss as if envisioning another time, another place, in which events unfolded differently. He realized then with a start that not only did Evelyn understand, but here in a month on her birthday, Cullen could guarantee their roles reversed, imagining Evelyn feeling as if she didn’t _deserve_ to survive New Haven nearly broke him in two.

Cullen immediately slid off the chair to be at her side.

“Especially me,” she murmured, leaning into his touch on her face. He stroked a thumb across her cheekbone, fingers carding through her hair.

“It’ll always be a happy Tuesday with you around,” Cullen said solemnly. A small smile slipped across her face, and her aura shifted with obvious relief as her worry faded away. Evelyn pressed into him, briefly meeting his enamored gaze before leaning up. The soft, gentle movements of their lips, warm and sweet and without much tongue, imparted nothing but affection.

Evelyn slipped her hand under his shirt, gently stroking the skin along his collarbone. “I want you to remember you said that when you see what I brought home for dinner.”

It was sushi.

Cullen frowned.

She laughed.

And once again Dante seemed more than happy to eat whatever Evelyn put in front of him without hesitation, which ended up being two giant crab cakes and some sushi roll with crawfish piled high on top. Cullen was given the same setup, but on a plate instead of a bowl, with a glass of red wine and in lieu of the standard wooden chopsticks she wielded, Evelyn gave him a set that was very obviously meant for children. He glared at the little plastic ninja whose legs extended down into chopsticks.

“I decided if you don’t want to celebrate your birthday, I will, and you get to just… ‘try new things’ along the way tonight.” Evelyn grinned mischievously as she proficiently plucked a roll from her plate and popped it into her mouth with a wink.

Dante snorted.

Cullen groaned good-naturedly. He deserved this. Completely.

“I’ll remember this,” he warned as he reached for the training chopsticks if for no other reason than to indulge her.

“Oh no!” Evelyn exclaimed sarcastically.

Once Cullen managed to utilize the ridiculous contraption to pick up a roll, he gave her a _look,_ coaxing an adorable giggle from her as she quickly snapped a picture of him. With an affectionate roll of his eyes, Cullen ‘tried new things.’ Of course, it was delicious, and Cullen enjoyed the entire meal despite his initial reservations. Cole always played it safe with him, and while Evelyn was no Spirit (though Cullen sometimes wondered if his mage had been touched by one whether she knew it or not), she seemed to know him far better than he did himself. Which in reality wasn’t much of a surprise.

Before her, Cullen had been lost, struggling to overcome the weight of expectation and the pain of experience. It wasn’t that he wanted to lose himself to darkness, he just couldn’t seem to escape it. How could he after being submerged in it for so long before rescue? The man who emerged from that terrible place was not the same one who went in.

As a result, he had been too ashamed to face his family. Petrified of how differently they would look at him. Though in hindsight, it would have been more bearable than being celebrated for surviving. Quickly rising through the ranks for merely giving what little left of himself to the Order, but that shred of him was dedicated - _determined_ \- to prevent, at all cost, what happened at Kinlock from ever repeating. However, by the time Kirkwall was all said and done, Cullen only felt too many lives had been lost as a direct result of his leadership. He had become numb to the good he accomplished, and that’s when he realized there was nothing left to give.

When Cullen returned home… sure, there was a hint of sadness in his siblings’ eyes, but they gave him nothing but warmth and understanding. That first day home was the first day of _real_ recovery. It was also the day Mia tucked a stranger’s email address into his hand, offering him the clean break from his past he so desperately wanted. That night, Cullen had arrived at the house he built from afar, never actually thinking he’d step foot in it, and little did he know at the time, took that first step out of the darkness.

Day by day, email by email, Evelyn had found him, pulled him back into the light. Helped him rediscover who he was by confiding in him, showing him not everyone, including herself, escaped the detriment time and experience could wrought. It had been years since Cullen believed. His faith shattered and ground to dust, allowed to blow away in the wind long ago, but somehow she pieced that back together too. One day he simply woke up _knowing_ the Maker brought her to him.

And tonight as they laughed and talked as they did every night during dinner, Cullen couldn’t help but feel selfish for initially not wanting to celebrate _being there_ with her, especially since it was thanks to Evelyn he was - _at all._ It was what made him interrupt her most recent update on the developments in Sera’s and Ez’s ongoing prank war as she placed a slice of cake in a bowl with the intent of delivering it to Dante in his room.

“What? No singing _or_ candles?”

Evelyn shot him a bemused look. “Singing solo isn’t really my thing, and I didn’t get candles assuming it was unwelcome, but perhaps you’d like a spanking?”

Cullen snorted. “I think we can arrange that.”

Her eyes twinkled mischievously. “Perhaps I’ll get to try new things tonight after all.”

“I live to please you,” he chuckled.

“Well, on that note, opening your gift would please me very much,” she allowed matter of factly, setting it on the table along with a piece of cake before leaning down to brush their mouths together.

A promise.

A little taste of things yet to come.

“I’m going to forego cake for once. I need to clean up. I feel like all I do is sweat while we run stress tests,” Evelyn grimaced.

“I think you smell wonderful.”

Smirking, Evelyn pinched the bridge of his nose. “Templar or no, sometimes I think this thing doesn’t work right.”

“Let’s see.” Cullen tugged on his mage, forcing her to fall into his lap with a little squeak. Tangling his fingers in her hair, he angled her head to his advantage. She softly moaned as Cullen pressed open-mouthed kisses up the long, flawless column of her neck. Finished, he deeply inhaled her familiar, _intoxicating_ scent which was completely unaffected by the barely detectable, sweet musky smell of her sweat. “We’ll have to disagree on that because I think you smell _perfect,”_ he rumbled into the shell of her ear.

Evelyn kissed him deeply before wriggling from his grasp, insisting she needed to shower whether he agreed or not. She hesitated before slipping from the room, smiling a little bashfully.

“Happy birthday, dear.”

“Thanks,” he answered honestly.

After eating the cake and cleaning up their dishes, Cullen reluctantly turned his attention to the gift. It wasn’t of an imposing size or anything; he just couldn’t remember the last time he received a birthday present. From anyone. Again, that was his own fault, and the fact Evelyn wrapped it in the cartoon mabari wrapping paper she bought for Dante’s birthday made him feel like a shit again. He couldn’t help but wonder what paper she would have picked out specifically for him had he a more favorable disposition toward the occasion.

With a regretful sigh, Cullen opened the present. Inside the unassuming white box, he found a briefcase of exquisite craftsmanship. Full grain leather. Removable, adjustable, fucking ergonomically padded shoulder strap. Multiple exterior and interior pockets she had filled with random things like his favorite candies, preferred protein bars, a travel charger since he always forgot to plug his phone in at night, and even a new dark red, half-zip pullover sweater crammed into the large main pocket.

By the time he cleared out most of the things, Cullen was beyond overwhelmed. It was _too much._ Evelyn came from old money but never before had he seen her actually _spend_ it on anything, even herself. Cullen was about to push himself away from the table to find her and thank her, despite wanting to scold her, when he felt something shift in the briefcase.

Curious, he felt around until he discovered a hidden pocket. What Cullen found inside made his entire body flush with _want,_ her earlier banter echoing dreamily in his head.

_Perhaps I’ll get to try new things tonight after all._

_Opening your gift would please me very much._

His cock was already beginning to swell. Cullen touched himself, urging himself to full hardness, knowing when he went upstairs, he would find Evelyn ready and eagerly awaiting to try new things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve also decided people can be touched by Spirits (without the vigil nonsense the Seekers went through), like a "blessing" of sorts, just so Anders can loosely stay in canon. So lets say he was touched by a Spirit of Justice, because he's an awesome doctor, giving care to all in need, knowing it is not his place to judge the sins of others (wipes away good feels tear). Totally irrelevant, but my mind... it wanders... 
> 
> Next time: smut.  
> _______________________________________________________________________________
> 
> commissioned artwork from [soddingcloudgazer](http://soddingcloudgazer.tumblr.com/).  
> 


	19. Critical Mass**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Critical Mass: The smallest amount of fissile material needed for a sustained nuclear chain reaction.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn knows how to push Cullen’s buttons just right  <3
> 
>  **OR:** Templar stamina rears its head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, blow jobs, teasing, butt plug, multiple orgasms]

There had been absolutely _no need_ to touch himself.

Cullen could hardly breathe as he took in the magnificent sight of her.

Evelyn kneeled in the center of the bed. Tossing him a coy smile over her shoulder, she shook out her damp hair. The chains affixed to her wrists and nothing else - yet - clinked together in the stillness of the room.

Setting down the items in hand he reached out to trace his fingers along the cuff affixed to her ankle before running the length of the chain through his hand. Once he came to the opposite end, he locked it into place on the bedpost. Already sweating, Cullen shouldered off his shirt, letting it fall heavily to the floor before repeating his motions - slow and intentional to let the anticipation build - with her other leg.

Moving to the side of the bed, Cullen kissed her fingertips, one at a time, before tugging on the chain. Encouraging his mage to fold over and rest on her hands and knees. He took his time making way to the opposite side; circling his prey. Her dark hungry eyes watched him the best she could with rapt attention.

That wouldn’t do.

Once Evelyn was secured into place, Cullen took a couple of steps back under the guise of putting on a show of undressing. Relishing in the soft, needy sound that left her the moment his cock sprang free of its fabric prison. Confusion settled over her when he lifted the t-shirt she chose to sleep in that night from the settee. His mouth pulling into an involuntary smirk at the look of horror that flashed across her features as he twisted it in his hands and _tore._ She frowned, but said nothing; she never did unless spoken to on nights like these.

As he stalked towards her, Evelyn _devoured_ him before sight was taken from her. Cullen kneeled next to her, and though it was only the bare skin of her arm, his cock throbbed against her at the contact alone. He pressed an open kiss to her shoulder before gently draping the strip of fabric over her dark verdant eyes and tying it into place.

“It looks better on you like this anyway,” he growled into her ear, and she sighed, back bowing as he stroked the soft skin there. Presenting her plump, perfect ass to him as if trying to encourage his touch toward where she no doubt wanted him most.

And he went there.

Eventually.

He smoothed his rough hands across every inch of her as if gentling a skittish animal. Mainly because Cullen could sense her unease. It was minuscule, but there. Without asking he knew why she chose to be restrained in the same manner they reserved for Silence play.

Evelyn anticipated she would struggle.

That fact shouldn’t have turned him on as much as it did considering it would be due to unfamiliarity instead of a simple natural reaction, but that she trusted him in this way, that she would give herself over to his care _entirely —_

He clenched his fists, and his eyes fell shut, but the image was already seared into his memory.

“Ev, when did you—“ Air rushed out through his flared nostrils; cock twitching approvingly.

“Today. A full wax, just for you.” Evelyn wiggled her hips a little.

Taking handfuls of her ass to spread her wide, he groaned when she automatically angled her hips to give him easier access. His tongue licked up through her folds, once, twice. The tip brushed against her clit on the third pass, just barely, and she gasped a tiny plea. Cullen obliged, giving it a tentative suck before going back to teasing her folds.

She made a brief, breathless noise of affirmation, when the cap to the lube _clicked_ open. Needing to _watch,_ Cullen sat back on his heels as he slid his slick fingers between her cheeks. Evelyn let out a far louder, and more desperate sound when he pressed his finger into her tight pucker.

This was familiar territory. Nothing new, not even how Evelyn's body jerked nor how her sweet, pink center throbbed when Cullen slid another finger into her ass to stretch her further. Throughout, his other hand gently traced her memorized folds, lazily circled her clit, but never sunk into her because for that she would have to wait.

He could play with her like this for hours.

He might.

“Is it good? Do you like having my fingers in your ass?” Cullen growled, scratching his beard intentionally across the swell of her ass just because he knew the feel of it on her soft skin drove her wild.

“Oh, yes… I want you every way I can have you.” The words breathed out so very softly Cullen wasn’t sure if he imagined them all. “I need you. I’m yours,” she murmured, arching further into his ministrations.

“Do you want me to fuck you here?” he managed, breath hitching.

Evelyn moaned, feverishly nodding as if she didn’t trust herself to speak. He left her bereft, and she choked, hands fisting into the bedsheets.

“Is that why you bought this?” Anticipating her reaction, Cullen reached down to clamp his hand around her neck to hold her still the moment he pressed the butt plug against her. It wasn’t nearly as long nor as thick as he was, but it was far from being small. A fact she seemed very aware of as she reactively tried to writhe away from the foreign object just barely breaching her.

“Y-yes! _Please, Cullen!_ T-take me!"

All four chains drew taut the split-second he began to press the slippery plug into her. She gasped and Cullen eased up at the initial sense of resistance. Making soothing noises he released her neck to pet her back and haunch lovingly. Pressing open kisses with an occasional scrape of teeth to her hip and ass.

Her thigh quivered. The tight ring of muscle clenched and unclenched reflexively for a moment.

Then a brief smooth glide as the plug sunk in, halting just before the fullest part.

“Almost there sweetheart,” he rasped. Desperately trying to maintain enough self-control not to _hurt_ her.

 _Ever so carefully_ Cullen began to pump it in and out. Each press into Evelyn stretched her a little more. Her moans degraded into grunts and then just tiny gasps as he played with her. Morphing suddenly into a high-pitched cry that struck him in his soul as the ring of muscle stretched wider than it ever had before around the thickest point, then all at once passed through until only the base nestled firmly against her visible.

She couldn’t keep still.

Or quiet.

Cullen wasn’t sure if it was the sudden lack of motion or the unfamiliar sensation of being filled so very full there, but the sight of her hips _just barely_ undulating restlessly and her low mewling sounds was enough to guarantee tonight would be one of _those_ nights.

True Templars with lyrium singing through their veins had that legendary stamina Evelyn teased him about the first time they were together. Without it, Cullen could only achieve that non-existent recovery period if he was aroused enough and at the moment he was nothing, if not aroused.

His cock felt like silk covered steel.

He was nearly as wet as her.

“Fuck,” he swore succinctly.

_“Touch me! Please!”_

He knew, that’d be all it’d take, and he was _oh so very_ tempted, but Cullen wanted her to last.

“Soon.”

She whimpered when he moved away. Rumbling promises of things yet to come Cullen encouraged her to shift her weight to allow him to slide his legs under her. Evelyn gasped at the change in sensation as she complied. There was enough forethought left in him to gather her wavy locks and wrap them around his hand and wrist before gripping the base of his cock so just below her perfectly formed mouth Cullen’s erection stuck straight up. Thick and hard. The flared ridge of his dripping head barely hidden by foreskin. As Cullen guided Evelyn to him, her lips formed a perfect O to roll back his foreskin to lightly suck on just the tip. Seeing and feeling her do the same thing at the same time was surreal and disorienting.

"Good girl," Cullen groaned. "You're so beautiful with my cock in your mouth." His voice was gravelly and strained.

She hummed a gentle agreement around him. The softness of her lips, the way her tongue worked the underside of his shaft made the absence of her hands go largely unnoticed. Until her nails dug into his hips hard enough to leave marks reminding him she couldn’t even reach the hard, thick column of flesh, but it was a welcome pain. A wonderful counterbalance to her mouth which was always nothing but heavenly friction and unimaginable heat. Just the sight of this _— his —_ magnificent creature, bound and blinded and literally at his mercy, was enough to be his undoing.

“You want to touch me so bad don’t you love?” Cullen stroked her cheek tenderly, feeling his cock moving inside her mouth as she worked him.

Unexpectedly, talking seemed to have the opposite affect he had intended because her answering groan vibrated around him hard enough that he thrust himself into her mouth reactively.

It was then Cullen realized he had lost control of the situation.

That he couldn’t move away even if he wanted to.

His hips moved of their own accord in time with her mouth bobbing determinedly along his length as Evelyn started to increase the pressure. Her tongue seemed to pull at the pliable skin on his shaft just as exquisitely as her hands. Saliva dripped from her mouth; moan after sublime moan reverberated through his entire body. Evelyn sucked him hard, and then harder when his whole body seized up the moment she pushed her blissful magic directly into him and he spilled himself onto her tongue with a roar.

It felt like every nerve in his body sparked to life and went dark all at once, leaving him weak and energized and strangely _unsatisfied._ He still had a hold on her hair and finally remembered to let her go so she could breathe and —

“Don’t,” he ordered, pressing his thumb into her mouth to prevent her from swallowing. Sitting up Cullen cupped her jaw, forcing her to sit more upright and she moaned loudly when their lips met. Cullen drank his spend from her, taking his time to fully taste himself among the natural sweetness of her mouth.

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before cleaning off her chin. Aching for his touch, she nuzzled into his hands on her face.

“Cullen… Please…”

“I’ve got you,” he rumbled, withdrawing entirely much for her dismay.

The sight of her was decadent. Evelyn was so, _so_ beautiful like this. Head down, back deeply arched; wet and trembling with desperate need. His heart burst with affection and love for this remarkable woman who he _needed_ beyond all reason. Cock in hand he aligned at her entrance and a string of breathless pleas whisked through the air. He wouldn't dream of denying her release any longer. Especially when she begged so prettily.

As tight as she was, Cullen hilted himself in one smooth, long stroke.

She came.

Trying to hold back the overpowering urge to — _fuck her —_ Cullen bit his lip hard enough to draw blood for the heat was all-consuming, scalding and vice-like as she clamped around him.

Pleasure beyond imagination.

She gave him his name.

He gave hers back.

A nod.

Hands locking around the swell of her hips Cullen started pounding out a merciless rhythm. Sweat slid down the back of his neck, tickling his spine and dripping off the end of his nose as it traveled downward. She came again, and perhaps even a third time. Cullen couldn’t be sure because she shook and shuddered beneath him continuously as he kept slamming into her.  

Another release hovered at the edge of his peripheral and he wanted to plant his seed inside her like he'd never wanted anything in all his life. He wasn't going to last much longer but Cullen would be mindful of her through to the end. His rhythm eased enough so he could free one hand.

He tugged on the base of the plug with the intent of beginning to remove it.

 _“Oh fuck!”_ The sound loud and startling as she came again and Cullen was right on her heels for nothing should ever feel this incredible. His vision blurred and his mind blanked. When he drifted back into awareness a moment later, Evelyn was being pressed into the mattress by his full weight still impaled by his cock.

“I need you to stay relaxed, love,” he panted, peppering her shoulders with soft, open-mouthed kisses before pulling out. Her little-distressed noise at the loss sent a shiver down his spine.

It was more a reminder than anything for Evelyn was very pliant and obviously exhausted. Lifting her hips, Cullen slid his legs underneath her to secure her into place for at the feel of the plug stretching her again, she suddenly came back to life. Cullen held her steady, cooing praise and sweet nothings until it pulled loose. Then he wasted no time bringing her right leg as close as possible for the key was always conveniently left in the cuff there.

The split-second she was free, Cullen gathered her into his arms and gently tugged the makeshift blindfold from her face. Evelyn blinked a few times as she readjusted to the light; eyes focusing on him one corner of her mouth lifted weakly. Almost with a sense of awe she stroked the side of his face. Cullen sighed, closing his eyes to enjoy the touch.

“Cullen…” Evelyn wrapped her other hand around his still hard cock and pumped experimentally, earning her a groan from low in his chest.

“I don’t want to overwork you,” he exhaled, briefly turning his head to kiss her palm as she continued to stroke his cheek. “I probably already have,” he added regretfully.

“Sweetheart, no… Let me take care of you.” Lazily she continued to jerk at him. Her hand didn’t move the length of him, just small tugging motions — loosely stimulating but firm and _insistent._ Each pull was like stoking a slow-burning fire.

“What would I do without you?”

“That’s something you never need to worry about.”

When their gazes interlocked, the sincerity there was enough to take his breath away. It always was. “I know.”

“Come to me.”

Underneath him Evelyn always seemed so small, delicate, but there was a comfort she found in being engulfed by his sheer size. Cullen never questioned it because he trusted her in ways he never thought possible. Even now he knew Evelyn didn’t want to simply sate him. She needed that something more just as much as him…

The hand that had been against her cheek reached down to line himself up, and when the tip of him brushed against her folds, slickened with their combined release, the embers of pleasure flared instantly back to life. She moaned into his mouth as he sunk into her. The action so smooth and silken that he could have wept. He began to thrust in a slow, rocking, back-and-forth fashion. All the way out, all the way in. His entire body moving with the rhythm; holding her as close as possible simply because he had _her._

 _All_ of her.

Her touch, her mouth, her whispered words and soft sighs.

The way her eyes scrunched up and her body tensed as she came. The delicious feel of her hand fisting into his hair, her nails biting into his shoulder. She always gave him _precisely_ what he needed.

There was no way to describe the intensity of the feelings he had for her, how almost… tangible they were. “I love you,” he managed, hating how _inadequate_ it sounded out loud.

But when Evelyn gasped: “I love you too.” It was suddenly _too much._

He felt like he was going faint as his orgasm ripped through him like a tempest.

Collapsing onto her Cullen _finally_ felt well-spent. He managed some appreciative sounding grunt when she cast her usual charm to cool off the room. Then a loud groan for there were few things he enjoyed more in this world than when Evelyn scratched his scalp lightly as she ran her fingers through his hair. She never seemed to care how sweaty the tangle of curls ended up.

“You’re too good to me,” he grumbled lightheartedly.

She giggled a little hoarsely. “I am, aren’t I?”

“Mmmhm… Don’t ever stop.”

“Never crossed my mind until you destroyed my favorite shirt.” Caught off guard by the sarcastic lilt to her tone, Cullen raised his head to gape at her. Her mouth skewed disapprovingly.

“I have twenty more just like it,” he protested. Order t-shirts were something he had in abundance.

She sighed heavily. “Off.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Please?”

“No! What is this about?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?!” He chuckled involuntarily when her hand came up to rub at his face.

“Like I’m insane!” She half-shouted, half-laughed. “I just want to clean up real quick. Sweat and lube and freaking jizz everywhere.” Warily, Cullen moved off of her, and she vanished into the bathroom without another word.

By the time she reemerged a few minutes later, he was leaning against the headboard trying his damndest to not let his thoughts spiral. Lifting the tattered remains of the t-shirt in question Cullen hoped his confused distress evident. Mercifully, Evelyn came close without hesitation.

She collected the ruins from him and pouted. ”This was the shirt I wore to bed our first night together.”

“How can you even tell?” He asked gently.

Her finger poked through a small hole in what was once an armpit. “None of the others have holes.”

Cullen frowned, feeling a little inconsiderate and callous for not knowing this.

“I’m sorry I ruined the gooey aftercare on your birthday,” she mumbled breaking the unintentional silence between them.

“Maker, Ev, you did no such thing.” He hooked a finger under her chin so her eyes would lift. He smiled reassuringly when their gazes interlocked. “I think this is the most adorable thing you’ve ever done.”

Blushing, she laughed a little. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve never had anyone care about me enough to become emotionally attached to my clothes.”

“Shut up!” Evelyn tried to cover her face with her hands and the shredded t-shirt in rare shy embarrassment. Cullen slid his arms around her waist to pull her against him. Giggling, she managed to wrap her arms around his neck to return the embrace she now found herself in.

“I’ve also never had someone buy me such a ridiculously nice gift.”

“I assume you liked it?”

“Loved it. Thank you, for being too good to me.”

Evelyn stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand. “I don’t ever want to stop.”

Cullen brought her hand to his lips so he could place a soft kiss against her skin, mouth tracing a lazy line up her wrist to the back of her fingers. “I’m sorry I ruined your favorite shirt.”

“I guess it can be my favorite blindfold now…”

He encouraged her closer to kiss her lightly. “See? Too good to me…”

“Is it too much to ask for the same treatment on my birthday?” The uncertainty in her voice twisted at his soul.

“Love, if I could, I’d give you the world.”

“You already have.”

And Cullen knew it true for she had given him the same long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Some smut/fluff.


	20. Elastic Collision**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elastic Collision: an encounter between two bodies in which the total kinetic energy of the two bodies after the encounter is equal to their total kinetic energy before the encounter. 
> 
> **i.e.:** Cullen is a silly man...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: Cullenlingus & omg! Vanilla sex]

Once the sun fell behind the vast expanse of Frostbacks, time seemed to suspend, ushering in a perpetual dusk. It was a much missed and welcome sensation, if not a little disorienting, after how nonstop life had been the last month and a half.

It had all started with the benign necessity to replicate the containment field at the White Spire for testing. Five days to weave the complicated series of spells and wards and another two for small test fires. When it held together far stronger than even Evelyn anticipated under a full-fledged detonation a day later, there followed a flurry of activity to transfer the integrated core system over to the Order and train their team. Hectic but worth it because Evelyn wanted nothing more than to close that chapter of her life; actually cutting ties with her creation, however, would, unfortunately, be easier said than done. 

With a long-suffering sigh, Evelyn flopped over onto her back to watch the stars spark into existence in the now quickly fading twilight. A little concerned Cullen hadn’t arrived home yet she began to pat around in the large, circular chaise, which was more or less an outdoor bed, in search of her phone when she heard a vehicle come up the private drive. A moment later the garage door beneath her began to lift.

Irrationally, her heart began to race, and Evelyn hopped up to switch on the lights encircling the recently remodeled rooftop porch for some ambiance. Considering she styled her hair and put on eyeliner post-shower but then chose to wear one of his t-shirts, Evelyn wasn’t quite sure what that mood was exactly. Not that it was important. All that mattered was how fluttery her insides got the split-second the quiet feel the air got when he was near enveloped her. Just before the door opened Evelyn burrowed back into the nest of blankets and pillows.

“It’s cute when you pretend you’re asleep.” The door quietly clicked shut. 

“I’m hiding.” Her voice muffled by the blanket over her head.

Cullen chuckled. “Do I even want to know?”

“I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.” 

“You mean like this?”

Evelyn peeked out and was gifted the lovely sight of her Templar leaning casually against the house. One hand tucked into his pocket, and the other pointed up at his beautiful, face-splitting grin. Her heart skipped a beat or two when it somehow grew the moment their gazes locked. How she ever deserved the adoration of such a beautiful soul was beyond her. She pushed herself upright to sit cross-legged.

“Exactly like that,” Evelyn giggled, absolutely  _ elated _ to be home again. Though they Face-Timed every night, it felt like she hadn’t seen Cullen in ages. “I missed you terribly.”

“Likewise.” His smile faded into a sad quirk of his lip. “It was… weird around here without you for so long.”

Evelyn put on the best, most sincere pout she could muster. “Then why are you still way over there?”

He laughed a little, hand reaching up to rub his nape. “Just taking in the sight of you is all. I was hoping you’d be out here.”

Evelyn glanced around the space again, still amazed at how much it changed over two week’s time. On her birthday, there was only the chaise and a side table, which was more than enough to make her want to spend all her downtime out there just to unwind. Now it was a mini paradise. A deep red shot with gold rug beneath the chaise, a new wrought iron, waist-high privacy railing, and a small dining table. The greenery and rustic looking strings of lights tied it all together beautifully.

“And you said the briefcase full of wonder was too much…”

“Then you’ll be glad to hear none of this was for your birthday.”

She frowned. For multiple reasons. Not that Evelyn needed or expected a birthday present, but the fact Cullen let her believe he was sprucing up this space for her, and wasn’t, left her feeling just a little bit stupid and hurt. 

“Don’t do that, please?” Cullen pushed himself off the wall to finally remove the distance between them.

“I’m not trying to,” she sighed. “I just don’t understand why you would… lie to me about this.” 

“Perhaps this will help clear things up,” he murmured dropping to his knees before her. The hand crammed into his pocket came out, and she almost missed how his knuckles bled white under the force of his grip. Luckily, Evelyn didn’t have to wonder what it was he clutched so severely for long because in the space between them Cullen set down a small wooden box. 

The split second her brain processed what was happening her vision blurred as tears began to prick at her eyes. Evelyn held her breath, hand flying to her mouth in a pathetic attempt to keep herself under control. A few blinks to clear her vision sent the tears cascading down her cheeks, but Evelyn needed to see the expression on his face more than she needed to breathe at the moment.

Cullen looked up at her with love and devotion and  _ fear.  _ In her hesitation to react further, the latter began to overpower the former. A fierce blush started to creep up his neck. 

“It hasn’t even been a year,” she managed on a shaky exhale. 

His amber gaze fell away. “No, it hasn’t,” Cullen quietly agreed as he began to fiddle with the little box. “It’s been two years, to the day, since you emailed me back the first time to say you’d be at my side through everything from afar.” He found her eyes with his own again, open and honest and heartbreakingly vulnerable. “But I want you  _ here _ with me. Always. Marry me, Evelyn.” He opened the box and turned it to face her, but she only had eyes for him. “Be mine.” The last couple of words breathed so very softly she barely heard them. 

“Cullen, I already told you…” She felt his stubble against her palm and brought her other hand up to card through his hair as he leaned into her touch. All the accumulated stress and tension seemed to bleed from him at the contact alone. “I’m yours.” 

With a deep, relieved sigh, Cullen turned his head and kissed her palm, cupping her hand with his.

“You can’t have actually thought I’d say no?”

He smiled into her hand before lifting his gaze. She would never tire of looking into his eyes. An honest,  _ beautiful  _ brown with flecks of molten gold and how that soft smile crinkled just so around them… 

“Have you ever proposed to anyone?” 

“No.”

“It’s stressful,” he chuckled, deftly plucking the ring from the box and gently sliding it onto her finger. It felt heavy and warm, and Evelyn didn’t get much of a chance to look at it because with a quickness that always took her by surprise he was sitting beside her pulling her so tight against him it squeezed all the air from her.

“I love you,” she murmured into his neck. His skin tasted like sweat, and she could feel his heartbeat thumping a little faster than normal against her lips.

“I love you too.”

Cullen loosened his hold, but the ferocity of his sudden kiss left her barely able to take a breath before her lungs felt restricted again. It quickly passed for he was her air. 

Her heart and soul.

Her everything.

And it had been too damn long since she tasted him last. 

Having somehow forgotten how perfectly his mouth fit against her own, the feel of his exploring tongue, and even the low sounds he made whenever he kissed her, she set out to imprint them in her memory for good this time. 

Evelyn let out a brief, surprised squeal when he abruptly tugged on her hips, forcing her to lay down. Cullen only smiled, so gorgeous and happy and -- 

It didn’t last long. 

His expression shifted into something heated. Cullen pushed her shirt up and out of the way. Taking a moment to graze the backs of his fingers along the underside of her breasts before ghosting his touch down low. With a sudden, mischievous smirk, he tangled her underwear in his fists. 

“Don’t!” 

He didn’t listen. 

Evelyn laughed brightly as the cotton ripped from her body. Cullen had a flair for the dramatic that always made her heart flip. 

“Why do you hate my clothes?!”

“Because you insist on wearing them around me.”

His lips brushed against her kneecap briefly before pushing her knees out to bare her to him. Evelyn gasped some little breathless plea at the feel of his mouth, eager and insistent, traveling up her inner thigh. Once he reached the apex, Cullen paused. His fingers dug into her soft flesh to keep her spread wide. 

“I love it when you wax for me,” he growled. 

Evelyn was already mad with want, blood rushing far too fast through her veins. Muscles trembling with anticipation and desperate need. Even magic tingled in her fingertips. She could feel every place he  _ wasn’t  _ touching her with such intensity she actually  _ whimpered  _ when Cullen intentionally scratched his stubble across the sensitive flesh of her inner hip.

“Oh, yes!” Her hands fisted into his golden locks the moment his hot mouth devoured her. His skilled tongue immediately set to work on -  _ every - aching - sensitive - inch _ of her sex, and the noises he made were almost as good as he was. There was nothing she could do to tear her eyes away from the reverence he paid her. 

When their gazes unexpectedly locked the needy groan that reverberated between her legs was almost too much. 

His tongue flattened, dragging up the whole length of her slit.

“Come for me.” 

It dipped deep into her with a swirling flourish that shoved her up against the brink.

“Now.”

She did.

Her vision went dark for a long moment, strung out longer and longer at the height of pleasure by Cullen wrapping his lips around her swollen clit and sucking. Her entire body convulsed, but he held her steady and open to his _heavenly, terrible, torturous_ mouth. 

Just before it became too much, Cullen relented his assault; he stroked her thighs lovingly a moment. “Beautiful,” he murmured, nuzzling at the sensitive skin where leg joined hip.

“Where are you going?” Evelyn complained when he suddenly stepped  _ away. _

“Undressing.” Shooting her a coy look, Cullen removed his watch and set it on the nearby table.

A little thrown off course, she stupidly blinked at him. 

He smirked, seeming to be in no apparent hurry as he took his dear, sweet time undoing his shirtsleeves and adjusting his collar. 

“Might I suggest you do the same unless you want me to destroy another one.”

A wry smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. As tempted as Evelyn was to see how that would work, precisely, she obliged merely because the mage didn’t wish to wait longer than he was going to require of her. Much to his apparent enjoyment, Evelyn watched him. Her smile pulling wider at the little show he put on. 

A flex of muscle here. 

A teasing touch on his own  _ perfect  _ body there.

Mindlessly, Evelyn began to spin the ring around her finger with her pinky and thumb. It took far longer than it should have for her to realize she had an opportune moment to look at it.

It was a tension band. A small diamond, but Evelyn wasn’t the flashy sort, and she would bet money on the fact it would be flawless. The metal was far too heavy to be only gold or silver. Evelyn slipped it from her finger to see what information engraved on the inside. What she found, besides learning it made from Silverite, took her breath away. 

_ BALANCE — CSR _

“Is it too much?” The uncertainty in his voice drew her attention to him. Bare-chested, he was in the process of undoing his belt. He hesitated when she didn’t immediately answer, but Evelyn couldn’t seem to talk around the emotion lumped in her throat. 

“No… its perfect,” she croaked, eyes dropping to the inscription again before slipping it back onto her finger. Evelyn cleared her throat. “Will you just fucking hurry up already so I can kiss you?”

That was all the encouragement Cullen needed. He finished undressing at lightning speed; his desire to make her wait mercifully long forgotten. 

When close enough, she grabbed his hair and yanked his mouth to hers. He moaned loudly into the kiss; his trembling hands shoved her legs wider so he could settle between them. The sensation of him covering her with his entire mass was exactly what she needed; his body wrapped so entirely around her that Evelyn wanted to disappear, be lost in his arms forever. 

Pressed up against her so tightly, Evelyn could feel everything. The quick, heavy slam of his heart. Warmer than any person had a right to be, his skin burning her where they touched. She could even feel the scalding heat of his aching cock, and when it brushed against her sex, he began to shake ever so slightly, his fragile restraint so very ready to snap.

But then their gazes locked and something shifted.

His expression became more reverent than anything else.

“Mine,” Cullen breathed against her mouth before — oh so slowly — pressing inside her inch by careful inch. The feeling radiating out, tingling in her fingertips, and she couldn’t  _ think  _ past what he just said.

Her lips brushed against his scar. “Say it again.” 

His breathing hitched; he grabbed her hand, tangling their fingers together hard enough to press the ring into her finger almost painfully, and held it down over her head. She shuddered when his hips suddenly jerked forward, grinding against her. Cullen reached back with his free hand to encourage her to wrap her leg around his hip, bending her to get that angle he knew would have her wailing his name as she came.

“Mine.”

He kissed her again, long and searing, full of all those things neither knew how to articulate and only then did he finally start to move. 

The pace Cullen set was slow, but his hips moved with force and precision,  _ grinding  _ himself into her, hitting her  _ just right. _ She touched his cheek, and the way he moaned her name in answer told her how deep he was in the moment. His hand quickly came up to snatch it from his face to pin it above her head with the other, dragging her down with him. 

Then there was only the thick feeling of him inside her. 

It was… incredible...  _ Indescribable.  _

And the delicious way he stretched her numbed her perfect control. Her blood sparked with each roll of his hips, her vision darkening as her release began to build far too tight. 

The lights began to burn —  _ too bright  _ — and the force of his hips breaking into her made all the tension  _ snap  _ with a sob of his name.

He buried his face in her neck and came with a desperate groan. She relished in the heat of his release and how he throbbed within her. 

“Cullen,” she breathed after a moment of stillness in which only his hot breath panted over her skin. Evelyn flexed her fingers, still locked in his grip, in an attempt to get feeling back in them.

“Mine.” His voice cracked. She could feel him trembling slightly.

“Always, sweetheart. Now, let me touch you.” 

He released her hands to settle heavily on top of her. He was so much bigger than her, but there was no other way she’d rather hold him. Cullen was warm and familiar, and she never felt better than she did underneath him. Evelyn could spend eternity like this. Carding her fingers through the loose curls of his hair while she felt his body regulate underneath her wandering fingertips. 

His stubble scraped at her, and she could feel him shiver as she searched him, trying to find all the points of stress he had built up over the past few weeks. Arms tight around her, Cullen held on as the mage pulled it from him. His muscles laxed, and he brushed his lips over her collarbone with a deep sigh.

The world was quiet. Not even crickets chipped in the surrounding night, allowing them to soak each other in after so much  _ separation.  _

Evelyn was on the verge of sleep when his voice rumbling through her gently brought her back to him.

“Hm?”

“I’m going to go get your actual birthday present now, okay?”

“Okay.”

Gooseflesh rippled across her naked flesh at the loss of his warmth. Evelyn tugged on her t-shirt and made herself comfortable in the blankets in his absence. Accidently finding her lost phone in the process.

**Contact:** Dorian Pavus  
  
**Today** 20:46  
**Dorian:** Did you say yes!?  
  
**Evelyn:** Cullen would kill you if he knew you asked me that.  
  
**Dorian:** Right, that’s enough of an answer. Now go and get your engagement night honky tonk on!  
  
**Dorian:** GO FORTH AND MATE MY CHILDREN! DO IT NOWWWW!!!  
  
**Evelyn:** Honky tonk?  
  
**Evelyn:** My cousin, you’ve been in the south far too long.  
  
**Dorian:** Don’t tell ANYONE I said that.  
  
**Evelyn:** I promise nothing….  
  
**Evelyn:** And do you really think I’d text you before “mating” with my newly established fiance?  
  
**Dorian:** Yes.  
  


Evelyn snorted and tossed her phone aside. 

“I’m glad I got to you before Dorian,” Cullen chuckled as he re-emerged from the house, small gift bag in hand with his sweatpants hanging teasingly off his hips. “While you open this, I’ll put everyone else out of their misery.”

“I’ll put my phone on do not disturb.”

“Probably a good idea.” Cullen reclined into the pillows, arm tucked underneath his head, looking more relaxed than she’d ever seen him as he typed out a text. 

Inside the small gift bag, Evelyn found a designer wallet she had been gushing over around Satinalia when her and Dorian went shopping. Never in a million years would she have wasted the money on something so frivolous. The mage began to work at the zipper, gently beginning to break in the material. Inside she was surprised to find an assortment of gift cards to her favorite restaurants and stores tucked into every card slot. There had to be about ten or twelve at a quick glance. 

She frowned.

“Don’t say it’s too much,” Cullen warned without looking her way. 

“Fine,” she agreed petulantly. 

He smirked, gathering up their phones and the gift to set aside. “So, when you want to get hitched?”

“Can we just elope?” It was supposed to be a jest, but her voice came out very small and afraid. 

Cullen smiled a little sadly. “I took care of it.”

“Took care of what?” She asked, baffled.

“Samson. The anniversary. Unveiling the Anchor… All of it.” he waved his hand dismissively. “You gave me a clean break, the least I could do is return the favor.” 

Relieved tears burst from her eyes. The reality of being done —  _ finished  _ — with something that put a target on her back settled tight in her chest as she tried desperately to hold back a sob. It had been months since Evelyn let herself cry over what happened and even longer since she allowed Cullen see her do it. She knew she was being irrational, that Envy didn’t come after her personally, but it was impossible to separate herself out when she was targeted just for the blood that ran through her veins. 

“Shit, Evelyn, don’t cry.”

She shook her head, rubbing at the wetness on her cheeks. “I just… never expected it to be done. I thought I’d have to —”

“If you thought —  _ for one second  _ — that I’d allow them to use you like that…” His jaw clenched and Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose as his eyes fell shut. 

Evelyn curled up against his chest, seeking to comfort them both. After a moment, he hissed out a breath, arms snaking around her to cage her against his front.

“They will draw it out another way,” he said with finality.

“Now I really want to elope,” she murmured lightheartedly. “That was your plan all along wasn’t it?”

He chuckled. It was a little strained, but honest. “My plan ended at hoping you didn’t say no.”

“Since that first email, there was never a future I wanted that didn’t have you in it in some capacity,” Evelyn confessed quietly. “I just never dared dream that future would be a ring and a last name.” 

With a deep sigh, Cullen pressed his face into her hair. “Mrs. Rutherford…” His heart sped up just a fraction against her cheek as the words rumbled through her. 

Evelyn brushed her lips over his heart and smiled. “Mm… I love the sound of that.”

“I don’t think I could ever love anything more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Shout out to [Pestiset](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Pestiset) for the post-proposal Dorian banter idea.
> 
> (2) My outline doesn't extend past this point, so everyone following along needs to bear with me until I work out the timeline some more. Worse case scenario, this fic dies here & that would be okay... Right?  
> _______________________________________________________________________________  
> commissioned artwork from the lovely [kawereen](http://kawereen.tumblr.com). She's a doll, go commission her. She really couldn't have done a more perfect job of capturing these two for this fic <3  
> 


	21. Action-Reaction Forces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Action-Reaction Forces: a pair of forces involved in an interaction that are equal in magnitude and opposition in direction.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn decides to be difficult much to Cullen's dismay.

Ten years.

It had been ten years since Evelyn last stepped foot onto the Trevelyan ancestral lands. Apparently, she had been anticipating to walk into a mausoleum or time capsule or  _ something _ with a thick layer of dust all over everything, because she sure as void wasn't expecting how much everything had changed. 

The wrought-iron perimeter fence had been raised and enchanted for privacy. The  _ entire  _ interior of the manor house modernized except for the original wood floors and stonework. Photographs and portraits updated. Including the Main Hall where the picture perfectly capturing her father’s larger than life presence had been moved to take its place next to her late grandfather so the current Lord of House Trevelyan, her twin, could be displayed properly. 

Her chest seemed to hollow out at the visual reminder of how much she allowed Ez to shoulder alone. Perhaps it was time she stepped up to help him with this burden in some capacity. 

Ever observant, Cullen kept a grounding hand affixed to the back of her neck. His thumb idly slid up and down the side her neck in a comforting gesture as he seemingly steered her around while Bodhan gave him a brief tour. The duo chatted nonstop. About what Evelyn wasn’t sure, but that it sounded genuine and friendly surprised her not at all.

Eventually, a light squeeze on her nape brought her back to them. As if coming out of a trance Evelyn blinked a few times. Surprised to discover not only had they stopped walking but were in a completely different area of the house than she last recalled. 

Briefly meeting Cullen’s concerned amber gaze, Evelyn felt herself blush. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“Quite alright, I was only saying how glad I am to thank you in person again for all that you and your brother continue to do for —“

“That is…  _ completely _ unnecessary,” she interrupted with an embarrassed giggle — as always.

“And as I told your brother just the other week, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that.” Bodhan, who was in all aspects like a second father to her, smiled fondly then and a suffocating pressure swelled suddenly in that hollow spot. When she lived in Ostwick, Sandal and Bodhan often met her for dinner or came to the twin’s apartment. Of course, she stayed in touch after moving to Ferelden, sending gifts for all the important holidays and calling regularly, but now that she was standing in front of him it all, regrettably, felt cheap and distant. 

“Sandal has already retired for the night, but he was overjoyed at the news you were coming for a visit.” That pressure somehow grew. Evelyn absentmindedly rubbed at it. 

“I look forward to seeing him. Is it too much to hope meals are still served like they used to?” Growing up, they were set out buffet style, unless there were important guests, and everyone came and went as they pleased — Trevelyans’ and staff alike. Family was more than just blood to her father, and he did all he could to remind the staff of that fact. It instilled steadfast loyalty and gave him peace of mind when work took him from the manor and away from the twins. 

“Despite appearances, Ezmond hasn’t changed how things are run.” 

“Good. It’s what he would have wanted from us,” Evelyn observed pensively, giving the den they were standing in another cursory glance.

“That was your brother’s thinking too.” His smile turned a little sad. “The gardens haven’t changed much since Marethari’s retirement. That girl Merrill you recommended was very fond of her methods.”

“I’d love to go take a look. Some fresh air before bed sounds great,” Cullen put in with that crooked half-smile which normally turned her to goo — and it would have if he weren’t very obviously up to something. 

She raised her eyebrows and gave him a sidelong glance. “I guess we can go exploring for a bit.” Evelyn had to admit — to herself at least — that it did sound like a fantastic idea after their astronomically long flight delay and the fact she hated flying in general.

Bodhan gave Cullen a look that very much said  _ ‘good luck with that one.’  _ It made her smile involuntarily. 

“Thanks for everything, Bodhan,” she told him, pulling him into a side hug. “See you at breakfast where we can catch up properly?” 

He patted her on the back. “I look forward to it.” His cheeks were ruddy, but his grin was positively beaming. “Goodnight you two.”

“‘Night.”

“It was nice to meet you finally,” Cullen added, briefly shaking the dwarf’s hand again.

Evelyn didn’t make it three steps out the patio door before Cullen caught up and tucked her under his arm. Resigning herself to the fact Cullen wasn’t going to let her be difficult, she threw her arm around him with a long-suffering sigh. 

“I’m a little less mad at you for surprising me with this,” she allowed amicably. 

His expression shifted into something smug. “I knew you’d come around.” 

She pinched him.

Cullen yelped some funny sounding noise and snapped away from her reach reactively. 

“No!” Evelyn half-laughed, half-shouted when he stepped back toward her; she matched his motions, barely maintaining the minuscule distance set between them. Cullen could easily lean forward and grab her if she wasn’t careful. “I changed my mind!” Trying, and epically failing to look and sound stern, she lifted her hands in a warding gesture. “You stay away until you tell me what this trip is actually about!”

“It’s not about anything,” Cullen sighed heavily with feigned resignation. “You always talk so —“

“Liar!” She accused. “You just rubbed the back of your neck!” 

Removing said hand from his nape, he frowned at it as if it had betrayed him so severely.

“You’re up to something! Tell me what it is!” He reached for her, and she took another step back. Cullen chuckled, the sound low and playful, and maybe just a little bit nervous. 

“You can be so difficult sometimes.”

“You have no idea how difficult I can be,” she hummed, taking a few more slow, intentional steps back toward the hedge maze. Evelyn had gotten very good at unchaining her mana and casting almost simultaneously. It felt unnatural as if she were overexerting herself intentionally, and thus it had taken time to perfect, but the effort was worth it. Especially given her current situation.

His eyes darkened and one corner of his mouth lifted, giving him an openly predatory appearance. Cullen shifted his weight forward. The split-second he lunged for her she Fade stepped. By the time Evelyn reappeared by the maze’s entrance a moment later that — _oh shit I have no mana_ — sluggish feeling had already passed leaving her more energized than usual as the entirety of her reserves flooded her overtaxed system. The mage laughed brightly at the look of shock of that slipped across her dear Templar’s face. 

“Oh… little mage…” The sound low and dangerous as he began to stalk her direction slowly. “It’s cute you think you can run  _ or _ hide from me.” His voice rumbled a register lower —  _ somehow  _ — as Silence settled over her. Not strong enough to pull at her mana, but heavy enough to prevent her from casting any further. She should  _ not  _ have found such flirtation shrouded in a non-serious threat strangely arousing, but it was Cullen, and she stopped questioning the things he made her feel long ago. 

More than happy to continue with the little game she unintentionally started, Evelyn fled into the maze with a delighted squeal the moment he began to  _ move _ her direction. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t make it very far. Just before the second path choice, Cullen’s large hands locked around her waist. She shrieked loudly as he unexpectedly tossed her over his shoulder.

“Maker! Shut up, Ev!” He laughed, trapping her thighs against his chest so she couldn’t flail around anymore. “They’re going to think I’m trying to kill you!”

“You might be! All this  _ lying  _ and  _ secret  _ keeping! Its like I don’t even know you anymore!”

At that he  _ spanked  _ her. 

Though she wore leggings, the sound was still loud. The accompanying sting startling enough that she made a somewhat embarrassing noise. He came to a grinding halt. 

“I’m sorry! That was… harder than I—“

Still a little caught off guard, she braced herself with her hands on his back and turned her head to find him peering at her over his shoulder. His eyes were wide, face  _ red  _ and Evelyn wasn’t sure he was even breathing anymore in his semi-panicked state. Despite the ferocity of her blush, Evelyn was anything but upset. The wet heat of her arousal between her thighs evidence enough of that.

Her mouth pulled into a smirk. “I assume you’re going to keep walking so we can finish whatever this is you’ve started in privacy?” 

Silence lifted instantly. He chuckled with palpable relief. It was a little hysterical sounding. Evelyn kept her hands braced on his back, feeling the way his muscles shifted beneath her hands, as he returned to the house.

“And let’s not forget, you started this by being difficult.” 

“Perhaps…” The mage traced little circles in static on his back with one fingertip. He groaned quietly. “But as I said, you have no idea how difficult I can be.”

“Why do I have a sneaking suspicion I’m about to find out?” His hand skimmed over the swell of her ass, fingers brushing along her sex. 

“Is everything alright? I thou —”

“Do not worry Bodhan!” she cried out as the dwarf’s voice materialized from somewhere behind her. Cullen’s hand snapped away from where it was tightly gripping her upper thigh, dangerously close to her heat. “He is not trying to kill me!” The dwarf laughed boisterously and bade them another goodnight. 

“I hate you so much right now…”

"But I love you the most-est,” she murmured pitifully. 

“You know I didn’t mean that.” Cullen sighed then, the action deep from the very bottom of his chest as he exhaled. His voice was heavy with regret. 

“Cullen, sweetheart, put me down.” 

He did. Well, tried to at least because Evelyn wrapped her legs around his waist and hung on. Cullen didn’t seem to mind. His hands locked together under her ass for support, thumb sliding back and forth idly again. He was still a little taller than her like this, but she appreciated being able to look almost directly into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I admit I was a little pissed you dragged me out here for our anniversary, of all things, but it’s not as terrible as I thought it’d be. It’s... nice.” He smiled a little then. “I’d just appreciate it if you’d tell me why.”

“I was trying to…” The apprehensive look in his eyes told her that this was not something he wanted to discuss. She did her best to assure herself there was nothing to worry about, but it was like an annoying itch at the back of her mind.

“Do you still want to go take that walk?” Evelyn offered quietly, her hands sliding down to rest on his arms. “I won’t be an ass this time. The full moons are out; it’ll be pretty.”

“Let’s just go to bed,” Cullen decided. “Not much about today has turned out as I wanted.” His gaze traveled over her face before settling on hers with a small frown. He looked genuinely disappointed with himself. 

Evelyn felt terrible, frowning to herself as she looked down at her engagement ring, suddenly feeling impossibly heavy, on her finger. She regretted being so petulant when she figured out where he was taking her. Everything Cullen did had her best intentions at heart. 

“The day isn’t over yet. I’m sure we can still salvage something out of it?”

She let him pull her against him, turning her head to tuck her face into his neck. It was so easy to slip into these small intimacies, to feel the heavy beat of his heart slow at the contact alone, to curl into him and merely listen to how his voice rumbled through his body.

“I’d like that…”

Evelyn sighed in relief, glad for an opportunity to correct the mess she helped make of today. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Cullen breaks up with Evelyn.
> 
> [JK, they fuck.]


	22. Evanescent Waves**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evanescent Waves are formed when sinusoidal waves are (internally) reflected off an interface at an angle greater than the critical angle so that total internal reflection occurs. The intensity of evanescent waves decays exponentially with distance from the interface at which they are formed. 
> 
> **i.e.:** Things slowly even out (for the night).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: teasing, hand jobs, moar sex - standing this time!]

Cullen rested next to her on the railing and with his thoughts no longer burdened, they shared companionable silence while she mulled over his suggestion. 

After having heard him out, Evelyn understood why he felt the necessity to wait on broaching the topic. Without being there, overlooking the muted colors of the moonlit gardens and the sparkling dark waters of the reflection pool, her answer would have been —  _ fuck no  _ — without hesitation. It was extraordinary how Cullen seemed to know her far better than she did herself. Knew, exactly, what she needed to mend a past wound or how to help her let go of an old pain. Because this wasn’t about him or even them, it was, unsurprisingly, about only her. 

“Okay.” Evelyn swayed, bumping into his side; he smirked, didn’t even budge. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, don’t sound so surprised. You knew what you were doing.” 

Cullen put his arm around her to pull her in between him and the railing. “Didn’t feel like it.”

His mass curling around her was warm and familiar. “Well, you’re right. About all of it.” For far too long had she permitted the passing of her father to overshadow all the joy and comfort this place once brought her. Could still bring her if Evelyn only allowed it. “Even the stuff you didn’t say outright.”

He bent down further to nuzzle her neck. “And what was that?” His lips brushed across the space underneath her ear. 

“Getting married here… it’s something my father would have wanted.”

His knuckles bled white under the force of his sudden grip on the balustrade. “That is not— I wasn’t— I would  _ never—“ _

Evelyn turned in the circle of his arms and cupped his cheeks with both hands. “Calm down.”

“Sorry.”

She giggled a little, smoothing her hands across his bare chest to encourage him to relax further, briefly feeling the beat of his heart. It had sped up, slowed as her hand rested over it. 

“I know you didn’t know him, and I hate you never will, but he would have loved you, would have gladly given me away to Commander Rutherford.” The words dissolved into a wistful smile as she felt that all too familiar sharp stab of loss hit her emotions.

“I don’t… even know what to say to that.” His voice was a little raspy. Evelyn smirked, leaning into his hand on her face to enjoy the roughness of his skin as his thumb made a pass beneath her eye.

“I don’t expect you to.” One corner of his mouth lifted. “Hopefully, Ez will be okay with us having the wedding here. This is all,” she gestured vaguely around them for emphasis, “technically his.”

“He will be.” Cullen leaned down to brush their mouths together. Before pulling back, he gently bit her bottom lip with a low sound in his throat. “He suggested it.” 

“Hm…” Evelyn dragged her eyes down his torso appreciatively. The hair on his chest was a shade or two darker than the golden curls on his head. Tautly defined, broad shoulders and chest, tapering in around his waist. “I’m starting to think he likes you more than me.”

“Hardly,” he scoffed.

“I don’t know…” Her fingers brushed down the length of his abdominals. The muscles tightened as she paused to play with the trail of hair that formed below his navel and disappeared into his sweatpants. Eyes shut, focused on the sensation, Cullen groaned when she magically locked his hands on the railing. A sound of equal parts arousal and frustration, no doubt recollecting her coy threat to be difficult. “You two and your  _ secrets.” _

“He broke my nose — when I refused to go back to the hospital after you woke up.”

Despite herself, Evelyn felt a tug at her mouth. “Is that why it doesn’t work right?” She trailed her fingertips along the deep V of muscle down to his waistband, which hung dangerously low on his hips, and ghosted her touch along it. At this point, his sweatpants were already tenting impressively. 

He chuckled.  _ “IF _ it doesn’t work right, it’s because Dorian refused to heal it correctly.”

She hooked her fingers in his pants and looked up at him. “I’m sorry they were so terrible to you.”

His smile turned sad. “I deserved it.”

“I disagree…” Evelyn pulled on the waistband of sweatpants to push them down. Cullen stepped out of them and toed them aside. His cock, fully hard, and already beading with precome bobbed with his movements. 

She ignored it.

Instead, her fingers sought out scars and dips in his muscle, exploring the memorized contours of his body.

“Everything turned out alright in the end.”

“More than alright,” he breathed. 

The muscles in his chest jumped and shivered as she dragged her nails down his side. Breath gusting out at the partially ticklish sensation. She leaned forward to nibble on his nipple, finger tracing the other until they both pebbled and his weight shifted as if trying to pull away from her. 

Evelyn tsked. “Stay still. I want to taste you.” 

His cock twitched expectantly.

With a tiny, devious quirk of her lip, Evelyn scratched her nails across his scalp, enjoying the way his eyes fell shut with a deep groan as she encouraged his mouth to hers. Long and languid,  _ worshiping _ her the only way he could with the absence of his hands. His tongue stroking hers just right to make her want to abandon everything and shove Cullen’s head down to have him suck on the rosy tips of her breasts or perhaps have him kneel before her so she could toss a leg over his shoulder and have him pay reverence to her folds instead. 

His breath shuddered out when her nails raked up his thighs. Then Cullen whined into the kiss, the motions of his lips faltering as hips flexed toward her when she deviated course last second to trace the wings of his hips. When she finally touched his cock, he made a strangled noise, breaking away from her mouth to rest his forehead against hers. She pumped the entire length of him with long, firm —  _ slow —  _ strokes. 

Continued to do so for a long while. 

Enjoying his low growly sounds… 

Watching his muscles flex and ripple… 

Evelyn readjusted her grip so she could twist just so on the upstroke and reached between his legs to lightly run her nails along the backside of his balls. His shoulders bunched together as he thrust into her hand. A flush of color crept down his neck and chest. 

“Babe… I wanna… I need to be inside you.”  Cullen leaned down to lazily pepper her lips with soft, needy kisses in between the barely audible words. 

“Mm… but you’re so beautiful like this. I don’t know that I want to stop.” She nuzzled against his jaw, and his head angled toward the contact. “I wonder how many times I can take you apart with just my hands.” For emphasis, her palm swirled over the tip to ease her strokes with precome again, squeezing the base of his cock firmly before pumping him some more. Through half-lidded eyes, Cullen watched her motions with a low sound in his chest.

So focused on his own pleasure, Evelyn was able to surprise him by slipping her arousal coated fingers into his mouth. He tensed, amber eyes snapping to hers with a moan as he sucked on her fingers. She pulled them from his mouth with an audible  _ pop.  _

“Ev, please… let me in.” His voice was rough with arousal.

She brushed her fingertips across his hip, static trailing in their wake and Cullen thrust into her hand again with a strangled  _ Maker. _

“I’m not stopping you, Templar...” 

He stared at her a moment before glancing down when Evelyn very pointedly kicked her panties aside.

“You’re not, are you —  _ mage.” _

His entire body flexed in one fluid motion. The strength of his Dispel was so much that her aura waivered like a candle in the wind, momentarily taking her breath away. Sometimes it was hard to believe this incredible man didn’t still have lyrium singing through his veins. The sheer  _ power  _ he wielded, mentally and physically, was astounding. Made all the more apparent when Cullen quickly snatched her up with one arm and tugged her tank top off with his other simultaneously. Instinctively —  _ eagerly  _ — her legs wrapped around his hips.

“Why would I want to?” Evelyn murmured as Cullen carefully lined himself up. Her body opened up to him, but he paused when she added: “I am yours after all.”

“Sometimes it seems too much to ask…”

“I think you forgot you never had to ask.”

At that Cullen determinedly impaled her onto his erection. He stretched her.  _ Completely.  _ She moaned at the heavy feel of him inside her. Pressing her firmly against him, he swallowed the sound with a series of deep, fiery kisses. Cullen’s breathing hitched as he pulled back to gaze at her, he looked so beautiful. His eyes were nearly black, ringed by a delicate band of gold. Evelyn slid her hands over the hard planes of his shoulders and corded muscle of his neck, feeling his erratic pulse. A single curl stuck to the sweat already beading on his temple.

Holding her ass with both hands, Cullen allowed gravity to glide her up the length of his cock. Then he pulled her up into his thrust as if she weighed nothing at all, rolling his hips to rub against her clit as she slid back up his length again. The pace was slow at first. Seemingly intent on hitting her deep, striking that spot in a way that had her on fire in no time. 

Without a word, Cullen leaned back a little; gaze intense with passion and sudden urgency. His massive chest moved with each labored breath almost in time with Evelyn’s controlled rise and fall against him. She clung to his shoulder, tangled her fingers in his hair as Cullen began to build up to a steady, hard rhythm, turning everything into a sustained sensation of delicious friction and _heat._ The summer night air was warm, did nothing to ease it casting off them in waves. Their sweat-slicked bodies slapped together, and it echoed off the stone along with their gasps and sounds of pleasure.

Caught up in the moment, Cullen stretched for a kiss. Evelyn leaned forward to meet him and he cursed against her mouth when the action threw off his rhythm entirely.

“F-fuck me!” Evelyn demanded, much louder than she intended, at the sudden lack of motion; her legs tightened around him to grind their hips together.

“Barrier,” he snarled, stumbling forward. The mage barely managed to get one under herself as she tipped back. Thankful for the cushion between her and the bench as Cullen’s hips surged forward. Spreading wide, she surrendered herself to the relentless force of his cock, going impossibly deeper as he thrust down into her trembling body. 

Evelyn was close, but she never wanted this heavenly feeling to end. She struggled to focus on something, desperately searching for a way to distract herself, and found that it was possibly the —  _ worst _ — thing she could have ever done. Cullen was arched over her, arms braced on either side of her chest, with a look of pure bliss on his face that was the end of her.

A spark of savage pleasure careened down her spine, and her body jolted as her orgasm surged through her system. Cullen felt it too, whatever he was trying to grit out on a dark and gravelly voice broke off into a magnificent groan when she clenched  _ hard  _ around him. The pace slowed; hips rolling into her just right to string her along like chain lightning until it felt like she couldn’t breathe. When he finally came, Cullen pressed his weight into her to bury himself deep, his entire body shuddering as his cock pulsed within her.

Thoroughly exhausted, Evelyn laid there, uncomfortable as it was considering one of them dispelled the barrier accidentally or the basic spell simply broke. Despite that, and the fact there was nowhere for him to stretch out, she habitually reached up to pull Cullen down to where he usually cuddled up.

“Goddamnit…” he panted, pulling out, much quicker than usual, and slipping from her grasp to stand. Her breathing was just as harsh and ragged as his.

Evelyn frowned at the sudden separation after so much  _ togetherness.  _ “What’s wrong?”

“Cramp.” The mage forced herself upright and slipped her hand under his where he was massaging his thigh. Cullen sighed as her magic seeped into the seized up muscle, his thumb trailed back and forth across the back of her hand. “Thanks, love.”

“No problem. So… standing was fun, but next time we should probably be closer to something that isn’t a concrete bench — just in case.” 

Blushing, Cullen glanced at the balcony doors behind her which led to Ez’s rooms. “And perhaps indoors.” 

The third floor was historically reserved for the lord of the manor, but her twin split it in half during the renovation to give them each a full suite — and a shared balcony. It was very thoughtful, albeit unnecessary, of him and Evelyn couldn’t help but wonder why Ez never told her about any of the changes he made in the first place. Part of her worried her brother had tried, and she just didn’t listen.

“No one else is on this floor but us.” She gave Cullen’s leg a reassuring squeeze. Encompassing her hand in his, he tugged to encourage Evelyn to her feet.

“Still, we weren’t exactly quiet.” 

“When are you ever quiet?” The last word broke off into a yelp when Cullen unexpectedly swiped her legs out from under her to scoop her into his arms.

With a self-satisfied smirk, Cullen gave her a sidelong glance. “I am not the only noisy one.”

“At least I made it —  _ very  _ — clear you weren't trying to kill me.” Evelyn was proud of herself for somehow managing to keep a straight face. Blushing again, he shook his head, fondly exasperated. 

“You are the worst.” 

“And you love every second of it,” she countered matter-of-factly. 

“Damn straight I do,” Cullen chuckled and then unceremoniously tossed her onto the king-sized bed. Evelyn squealed loudly, holding back a laugh as she bounced a little upon landing.

She pushed herself upright to tuck her legs under the duvet and crossed her arms over her chest. “How dare you,” she hissed in a low, dangerous voice, feigning offense. “Treating the Marchioness of Ostwick, her Lady Trevelyan — the  _ Herald of Andraste  _ — so callously in her ancestral home.”

“Apologies, My Lady,” he murmured with a very apparent forced quirk of his lip. Cullen turned aside to shut the balcony door. She could practically  _ hear  _ him internally berating himself. 

“Don’t do that. I was joking, and you know it.”

“It doesn’t…” he drummed his fingers against the door, continuing to avoid her gaze, “bother you at all, that I’m just… me?”

“Cullen.” It was a demand for him to look at her and he knew it. Still, it took a moment for him to do so. Apprehension was tight in his honey-colored eyes. “This isn’t the Dragon Age. None of that matters anymore, and even if it did, it wouldn’t to me, and you should damn well know that by now.” 

Frowning, Cullen glanced around the room. It was modest compared to how it used to look, but he wouldn’t know that. 

Evelyn sighed with resignation and rubbed her face. “What do I need to say to make this not a problem?” 

He finally joined her in bed, hooking a finger under her chin to encourage her eyes back to him. His skin was still a little flushed from their earlier exertions; hair a curly, tangled mess thanks to her. With an involuntary, tiny smile, Evelyn cast her usual cooling charm then reached up to smooth his hair back into place. He rumbled some content sound, pulling her close to brush their mouths together. 

“It’s not a problem,” Cullen said solemnly. “It’s just a little overwhelming when you lay it all out like that.”

“I’ll make you sign a prenup if it makes you feel better about it,” she offered. 

His eyebrows shot up. “You weren’t going to?”

Evelyn shrugged. “I know you don’t want any of this.”

“I don’t know,” he began thoughtfully. “It is a nice vacationing spot.” Evelyn knew what Cullen was doing, and she couldn’t help but love him more for it. However, it also provided a convenient segue for her…  _ plans.  _

“Hm… It seems I might have to remind you of your place, Commander.” 

His eyes darkened at the purr of his title. “Oh?” He shifted closer to nuzzle her hair. “And where is that?” The words rumbled into the shell of her ear. 

“Beneath me.”

He groaned quietly, hand wrapping around her hip to encourage her to him. Difficult as it was to pull away from the open-mouthed kisses he began to trail along her neck, she did and hopped out of bed. His hand hung in the air a moment where she had just been.

She ignored his puzzled questioning. 

Cullen was touching himself when Evelyn came back into the bedroom — dressed. A lazy smile stretched across her face when his hand stopped moving, and his roguish smirk shifted into a frown; it deepened as he accepted the small gift bag she handed over. 

Evelyn plopped down, shook out her hair and watched him expectantly. He extracted one of the bundles of silk rope and stared at her with a look she couldn’t quite place. 

“I know I promised you Trevelyan colors… but white complements your skin perfectly,” she murmured, reaching out to trace a line along his wrist. 

His eyes fell shut, and his breath gusted out.

“Hopefully this will give you some incentive to be extra nice to me tomorrow.”

The gold in his eyes  _ burned  _ right through her when they locked back onto her. “Tomorrow?”

“It’s an anniversary present sweetheart and tomorrow is our anniversary… Plus, part of the fun is getting you all worked up, and I won’t even need to touch you to do it.” 

His gaze flitted down, watching himself roll an end of the rope between finger and thumb. Cullen chuckled, the sound low and strained. “You are —  _ terrible.” _

“I mean… I can just… take it back, if that’s how you really feel.” She meant it. How Cullen would handle physical restraints was a bit of a mystery to her. Evelyn didn’t know all the specifics of the Kinlock, but she knew they found him in chains, hence the rope. 

“No. It’s not. This is—” Cullen dropped the bundle back into the bag and set it on the nightstand. “I just—“  His hand ran through his hair, mussing it.

“Hey,” Evelyn cooed, grabbing his arm. He relaxed at the contact. “Like always, we don’t have to do this. Not here. Not  _ tomorrow.”  _ He snorted. “Not at all.” 

“I want to.” His face angled with the intent to press his lips to hers, eyes hooded with need, but didn’t, apparently unsure if the game had already begun and if so, what the rules were. Evelyn cupped his jaw and poured everything into a kiss. It was long and searing, and Cullen seemed more at ease when it was over. He rested his forehead against hers.

“Sometimes the things you make me feel— it's so—“ He pulled back and shook his head as words failed him. 

“I know,” Evelyn told him because she did. 

Cullen snatched her hand up before it could wrap around his cock and held it against his cheek. “Same rules?”

“None for now. I’m not that terrible.” 

He smiled into her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm before laying down and holding his arm out expectantly. She snuggled up next to him without hesitation. 

“You’re not terrible. You are… my —  _ everything.”  _ It was a confession, a promise and a prayer all at once. Evelyn pressed closer. Unable to speak around the sudden emotion lumped in her throat, she brushed her lips over his heart. “I love you too,” he murmured. 

She giggled a little and sniffled. Cullen let out a breath that may have been a small laugh of his own and softly kissed the top of her head. His mass curled around her possessively, so safe and solid. 

Evelyn was home again, but the feeling had nothing to do with returning to the manor. 

“Thank you,” she managed. “For everything.” 

“No need, love. I feel the same way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has left comments/kudos/is silently following along with this. IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL WARM & FUZZY INSIDE & I LOVE YOU GUYS FOR IT! <3 
> 
> Sincerely,  
> ladymdc  
>   
> Next time: Rope...  
> _______________________________________________________________________________  
> Fair warning, this gif by [kacha](https://nsfwfrosch.tumblr.com/) is [VERY NSFW](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2Wn3W42Ra0abXN5UVpmNkl0UHZkZi12NDBOU19YRDl5Sl9J/view?usp=sharing) \- it has BOOBIES in it & they are very much f*ing like they did in this chapter.
> 
> Then, another commission from [kawereen](http://kawereen.tumblr.com) because I have problems...   
> 
> 
> If anyone sees any more commissions from me, begin an intervention.


	23. Gravitational Waves**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gravitational Waves: Ripples in the structure of space-time which may occur individually or as continuous radiation. According to Einstein's Theory of General Relativity, they are emitted when extremely massive objects experience sudden accelerations or changes of shape. They travel through space at the speed of light. Gravitational waves remain undetected.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Some things don't need to be said to be understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, cullenlingus, hand jobs, blow jobs, anal fingering, orgasm delay/denial]

Showering together was part of their weekend ritual, and being on vacation as they were, a given. Evelyn, however, locked him out of the bathroom to do so alone the following morning. A not so subtle hint the game had begun. 

Much to her enjoyment, Cullen didn’t comment on it when she opened the door to let the steam out once dressed. Perhaps to try to make things easier on himself, Cullen kept his hands to himself, but then in an adorable attempt to get back at her and tease her, chose to parade around nude for as long as possible after his shower. 

Evelyn enjoyed the show.

Why wouldn’t she? 

Of course, two could play that game, but unfortunately for him, she had more self-restraint. When Evelyn said she wouldn’t need to touch him to wind him up, she meant it — and he knew it. Made all the more apparent when at any point there was a lull in conversation or activity throughout the day, Evelyn could tell he was working himself up.

And she’d let him. 

His piercing gaze would hone in on some innocent object as his mind wandered. A hand would rub at the stubble on his jaw or rest on his leg while his thumb idly trailed back and forth on his upper thigh. Whenever he’d finally drag himself from his thoughts, his eyes would travel up the curves of Evelyn's body before locking onto hers with a dark, needy intensity that made her feel like prey and predator, at once.

It wasn’t until late afternoon while she and Cullen were exchanging gifts in the gardens that she finally reached a breaking point. Evelyn had hoped she would last until after dinner, but Cullen was a very affectionate partner. He thrived off of physical attention, and the mage loved giving it to him. Restraining herself was considerably more difficult than she let on and thanking him for her anniversary present — one Cullen handmade — without giving him a quick kiss or lingering touch made her feel exceptionally cruel. Mainly because it was, no doubt, the catalyst for the sad quirk of his lip as he glanced around, looking a little lost.

“Cullen.” The palm of her hand scratched against his stubble as she coaxed his gaze back to her. “I mean it, thank you. I love it, and you.” 

“I…” He stared at her a moment, the gold in his eyes glinting curiously at the contact, however brief it was, before hesitantly reaching out to smooth his hand up her bare thigh. Reflexively, one corner of her mouth lifted at the loving caress. Encouraged by her reaction, he descended upon her, pausing mere millimeters away once settled on top of her. 

Calmly, despite the sudden racing of her heart, Evelyn murmured, “What were you saying?”

“I love you too. So much, and I—“

That he still left the sentence unfinished was unsurprising, and so to bait him, Evelyn slowly licked the seam of his lips. With a low sound in his chest, Cullen abandoned his thoughts and pressed his mouth ardently against hers. She kissed him with equal enthusiasm, enjoying his deep moan when she snuck a hand up his shirt to feel the muscles in his back shift. He broke away after about a minute or so to latch his mouth onto her neck. Habitually, Evelyn tilted her head, gasping when he tugged on her hair to angle her further and bit down on the spot between her neck and shoulder hard enough to mark her. 

When he pulled back, panting and flushed, Evelyn privately delighted in the practically feral look to his golden eyes as they searched her face. 

“I want— I need—“ Cullen paused to swallow thickly, then shook his head. “How long—“

“Now, if you want.” 

He narrowed his eyes. “What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one,” she giggled, leaning up to kiss him again, relishing in how he allowed the teasing softness of it. A wonderful counterbalance to his previous ferocity. “I just wanted to guarantee you’d enjoy yourself — extensively — once we started.” 

Cullen smirked as his hand traveled up her thigh. “I think you achieved that last night when you gave me the damn rope.” When he reached her bare hip, he cursed under his breath and pressed his clothed erection into her. “I want you.” He pushed himself off her and was very careful to tug her dress down to cover her. “Now,” Cullen insisted, tangling their fingers together and taking her with him when he stood. 

“Head on up and get comfortable while I get us something to eat for after.” Evelyn stood on her tiptoes to give him a sweet and lingering kiss. “And please take our things with you.” 

The wind picked up suddenly. Her curtain of hair fluttered in front of Evelyn's eyes and found its way into her mouth. Sputtering, she unhooked her arms from around his neck to push it out of the way. Naturally, he came to her rescue. Gathering it all in one hand, Cullen smiled her favorite lopsided smile when he found her face again.

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her cheekbone. “Do hurry.” The deep, intimate rumble of his voice made her stomach flip pleasantly. 

“I won’t be longer than necessary.”

And she wasn’t.

About ten minutes later, Evelyn slipped inside the suite with a commandeered box she had packed full of random foods they could make a hodgepodge meal of. She quickly stashed it in the mini-fridge in the office before joining her fiancé. 

Cullen looked like he was trying to convince himself he wasn’t unbelievably wound up when she came into the bedroom. Reclining against the headboard with one knee drawn up and an arm resting on top of it gave him an air of nonchalance, but the way he held her gaze with a hungry, possessive expression on his handsome face while he fidgeted with the rope gave him away. 

Sitting beside Cullen, Evelyn tugged it from his grasp. “Last chance…”

“I want to,” he promised, offering her his wrist.

Paying careful attention to his breathing and demeanor, Evelyn kept her motions slow and precise as she secured the limb so he could process what she was doing step by step. His breaths came a little quicker in succession than usual. Muscles tense, but his fully erect cock told her with certainty it wasn’t due to nerves.

“I’ve tied a quick release into this,” she explained as she tightened the knot roughly. He jumped a little. The muscles in his jaw flexed a couple of times before Cullen managed to nod. Just a barely noticeable dip if his chin.

Evelyn drew the working end taut and tied it off on a decorative cutout in the headboard near the edge. His hand clenched and unclenched a time or two. She leaned forward to mouth at the tips of two of his fingers. Cullen’s breathing hitched. When Evelyn came to the third finger, she drew it into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the digit before sliding it from her mouth. Cullen stared at her with wide, lust blown eyes. 

She ghosted her touch up the inside of his arm as she moved toward him. Watching his golden skin ripple with gooseflesh despite the warmth already permeating the room. Cullen bit back a moan when she briefly straddled his hips, the silky fabric of her dress caressing his cock teasingly. Evelyn was honestly surprised his ironclad control didn’t snap right then and there. Pleased, Evelyn pulled off her dress and guided his free hand to her breast once she climbed over to the opposite side. 

Palming at her flesh, his adam’s apple bobbed. A low sound escaping him when she arched into his touch as he rolled the sensitive tip between his rough fingers. Encouraged, his hand slid over to the other, head tilting in silent question. 

“Don’t worry; I’m not going to let your beautiful mouth go to waste.”

His nostrils flared, and his eyes fell shut as his hand encompassed her breast, squeezing possessively. Before releasing her and extending his arm out, Cullen swirled his thumb longingly around the pert tip. 

Evelyn tied the second limb in the same fashion. This time his cock twitched when she tightened the knot. The split-second Cullen was secured to the headboard, he tentatively began to test the ropes. 

Kneeling next to him, Evelyn ran her nails through his chest hair. “I know it feels loose, but it’s supposed to. The knots won’t collapse or leave any marks, so struggle away.” 

Cullen blinked at her a second before putting his strength behind it. The muscles in his chest rippled and flexed beneath her hands. The frame creaked in protest. She leaned forward to whisper into the shell of his ear. His scent, intoxicating and masculine with a hint of something soft and floral, momentarily distracted her. She inhaled deeply.

“While yoga — with Bull — was fun, my favorite part was afterward when he’d teach me  _ all kinds  _ of ways to restrain you.”

With a deep groan, Cullen turned his head, her name a whisper of hot breath against her lips. He was far gone. She could see it in his eyes; pupils dilated so much there was only a thin ring of molten gold visible. Evelyn cradled his head and ran her nose alongside his before welcoming him to her mouth. Gentle pressure on the back of his neck ensured the entirety of his mouth was hers to claim. He rumbled a pleased sound as she deepened the kiss. 

Breaking away, Evelyn firmly held his jaw to keep him still and gently bit his lower lip before raising up on her knees to put her breast level with his mouth.

“Suck.”

She sighed as his perfect mouth latched onto her nipple to do as told. He alternated between hot drags of his tongue and teasing kisses. Cullen shifted to taste the other. Evelyn obliged, allowing him to leave a wet trail across her chest. She shuddered when his teeth fastened over the sensitive tip and rolled it between his teeth, tongue flicking against her imprisoned nipple a moment before pulling it into his mouth.

“So perfect…”

He moaned and continued to suck lightly. Evelyn pulled away from him, forcing his mouth from her with a light pop, his saliva cooling quickly against her skin as he looked up at her. Wordlessly she stood, straddled him and wedged her left foot in the cutout just over his shoulder, exposing herself to him. 

“Continue.”

Before the word even entirely left her, Cullen pressed his open mouth against the seam of her with a deep groan. She gasped and shivered, petting his hair encouragingly with the hand not hanging onto the headboard for dear life at the heavy drag of his tongue along her. His mouth was so wet and hot, and the opened-mouthed kisses and teasing bites were the only things she cared to focus on. 

“Make me come, sweetheart.”

He growled into her, the vibration of it sent her careening to the edge as his tongue and lips roamed restlessly. She shuddered, tangling her fingers deeper into his hair, and when Cullen closed his whole mouth around her clit and sucked she shattered into a million pieces with a whimper of his name. 

Cullen didn’t stop. His licked at her hypersensitive folds as her orgasm lit up her every nerve ending. Her gasped encouragements were drowned out by his low growls as his mouth pressed tight against her, drinking in the pulses and flutters of her aftershocks with a satisfied groan. Before it became too much, he ceased his assault and nuzzled at the inside of her hip, breathing heavily. 

She stroked his cheek soothingly for a moment before settling between his legs and quickly throwing her hair up into a messy bun. His glorious cock laid heavy against his stomach. The tip glistening with his excitement. Taking care not to touch it — yet — she swirled her finger through the small pool of precome on his abdomen. The muscles tightened. Evelyn kept her eyes fixed on his as she brushed her fingers down the inside of his hip. Cullen whimpered then, and it was the most pleading, desperate thing she’d ever heard from him. 

Wrapping her hands under his thighs, she pushed his legs out and up. Once he got the hint, Cullen moved to comply, giving her access to his ass.

“Do you want this?”

Jaw clenched, he nodded as his entire face, including his ears, flushed pink.

Evelyn stretched over to grab the lube, pouring a generous amount on her fingers before tossing it aside. His head lolled back as she rubbed tiny circles over the tight ring, feeling it flex against her fingertips; as soon as he relaxed she pressed one finger very lightly into him. His legs canted wider when she set a gentle, slow rhythm, briefly pausing to add a second finger as he preferred. Evelyn watched him with rapt attention. There wasn’t anything in this world as beautiful as Cullen being pleasured.

Eyes shut, mouth caught on a sigh, his long limbs remained loose, relaxed, allowing himself to float in sensation. His brow furrowed gently, toes curling with a deep sound in his chest at the feel of her fingers brushing against his prostate. Then Cullen tensed, hissing in a breath when she finally touched his cock. She stroked him in time with the fingers invading him. 

A deep, gravelly moan ripped through his teeth when she took him into her mouth. Despite her slow pace, Evelyn soon tasted salt, a sure sign he was about to come. 

She pulled completely off him. 

His eyes snapped open, body straining against the ropes as a startlingly vibrant blush washed across his cheeks and chest. 

One corner of her mouth lifted lazily. “You can’t get me pregnant if you come in my mouth.” 

“I— I want—” he managed through sharp pants as he scrambled to rearrange his legs so she could straddle his hips.

Evelyn teased his cock along her. “Are you picturing it?”

His affirmation broke off into a ragged groan as she leaned back so Cullen could watch as Evelyn’s body enveloped his cock. Once buried to the hilt she rocked her hips to grind against him. His mouth opened in a silent cry. 

Like the first time they came together, Evelyn tucked her feet up underneath herself to work the entire length of him. Slowly she slid his cock all the way back out until only the very tip was inside her — and held very still. 

Cullen panted. 

The bed frame creaked. 

Clenching around him Evelyn slowly —  _ deliberately  _ — slid down, then back up his length, infinitesimally pausing when she reached the tip again before taking him back into her heat. 

“Just think.” She smoothed her hands down her flat stomach before lifting again. “I would be nine months pregnant on our wedding night if I conceived now.” 

Cullen’s head lolled back as he let out a shuddery sound.

“Perhaps I’ll wait on buying a dress for a while,” she sighed.

At that Cullen’s breath caught in his throat, then all of the air was expelled from his lungs as he found his release. She watched his orgasm rip through his frame as his eyes snapped shut, shuddering and moaning as Evelyn continued to work him. 

“Ev— “

He thrashed a little, trying to writhe away from the intensity of her still fucking him and only succeeded in burying himself deeper into her. While Evelyn was enjoying herself, and very tempted to force another orgasm, she knew it’d take him awhile to plateau if she kept up the tie and tease. Plus, she wanted his hands on her, feel all those things he could never put into words. 

Evelyn settled her weight, enjoying how his cock continued to throb within her. 

“Too much?”

He let out a sharp breath and stubbornly shook his head. 

Leaning forward, she yanked hard on the quick release. The knot loosened so Cullen could easily slip his hand through. Startled, he flinched at the unexpected action. 

“Sorry. It won’t release without some force.” 

“S’okay. Why did you…”

“That was for you.” She ran her finger along the trail of hair that formed beneath his navel down to where they were joined. “For me? To be honest, a little bit of vanilla sounds nice.” 

Something in his expression broke. He quickly shook his hand free and hooked his thumb through the remaining quick release. Once Evelyn nodded, confirming it was the right loop, he tugged. The split-second he was free, Cullen wrapped his arms around her and squished her against him.

“I didn’t need that,” he breathed against her neck. “You’re always more than enough.”

“I know,” she murmured.

Cullen shifted, keeping them together as he flipped them. He wrapped a hand around her hip to hold her steady as he pressed his weight into her. “I don’t think you do.” 

He searched her face for a moment before he began to thrust into her — slow, long,  _ intentional _ strokes. She tried to speak but could not form words. For a while all she could do was gasp and tremble as Cullen gently filled her — teasingly slow — one thrust at a time and focus on how everything was about  _ them _ now. The places their skin touched, the comforting feel of Cullen’s chest expanding with each breath he drew in, the low sounds of pleasure he made, the heavy thickness of him stretching her  _ just right. _

The sincerity in his amber eyes  _ burned  _ in the dimming light, a rising heat that ignited her very blood. As powerful and all-consuming as his muscular hips now practically keeping time with the steady, even beat of his heart. Hitting so ideally inside of her with thrusts that seemed to deepen with each plunge into her welcoming body, it made her feel faint with pleasure.

“When I tell you, you’re my everything, I mean it.”

Evelyn felt tears prick her eyes. She pulled his mouth to hers to shut him up, but still, he persisted by kissing her with infinite tenderness.  

Her whole body seized up, and she broke away with a hoarse cry as her orgasm slammed into her. She trembled as aftershocks rippled down the length of her body. Her vision was starting to swim as Cullen continued to fill her over and over and  _ over _ again. 

“And you want to be mine.” At that Cullen buried his face in the crook of her neck as a broken sound rend from his chest as he found his release. 

Breathing heavily, they held one another as if they feared the other would vanish if they let go. It  felt like time stopped and Evelyn wasn’t sure she ever wanted it to start back up again. 

But then his stomach growled.

_ Loudly. _

Shattering the illusion.

Evelyn tried her best not to laugh, but when she felt his frame shake with silent laughter, a delighted peal escaped her. 

Cullen pulled away from her, smiling brightly. “I guess it’s a good thing you grabbed food.”

“I put it in the mini-fridge.”

Before he disappeared from the room, he snatched up his discarded t-shirt and tossed it her way. Evelyn pulled it on, breathing deeply as her head popped through the top. She went to the bathroom to clean up quickly and rummaged around in the closet until she found his unopened gift. When she returned a few moments later, Cullen, dressed in his favorite pair of sweatpants, arched an amused brow and gestured toward the box of food.

“There isn’t any silverware in here. How are we going to eat some of this.” He lifted a small baguette for emphasis.

“Like this.” Evelyn snatched it from Cullen's hand and took a bite of it.

Cullen snorted. “Classy.”

Winking, she handed over his gift and rummaged around in the box for the compound butter she stole. “Tomorrow, I’ll stock the little kitchenette with some necessities.” Evelyn happily sighed when she found it but stopped short of offering him some when she noticed the furrow in his brow as he examined her gift. Cullen made her a jewelry box. It was sleek and simple and gorgeous and she… commissioned artwork from Bull. It was an abstract done in white and shades of grey to almost black of all their firsts, including excerpts from their first emails to one another, significant dates blending into rough sketches of important places. 

“I know it’s sort of cheesy,” she apologized. “And I didn’t make it.”

“What? No. Don’t do that. I just— This is amazingly detailed.“ His voice was a little raspy.

“I know I never say it, but you’re my everything too. I was trying,” Evelyn gestured vaguely at the canvas, ”to tell you. Somehow. I guess.”

Cullen let out a breath that may have been a small laugh; the force of it caused the dust motes in the air to swirl in intricate patterns where they touched the light. “You tell me all the time.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, just not in so many words.”

Evelyn felt her pulse begin to rise as Cullen turned to face her; his beautiful honey-colored eyes met her own with piercing intensity, and at that moment, she understood — perfectly  — what he was trying to tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Wedding planning? Flash forward to bachelor/ette party shenanigans? Touchback with Ev's infertility? Feelz!? Who knows!? 
> 
> I recently reread this ENTIRE thing and...
> 
> I'm just sort of going where the wind blows me on this thing as of now.


	24. Responding Variable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Responding Variable: a variable that changes as a result of change in the manipulated variable. 
> 
> **i.e.:** Cullen confesses, Evelyn reacts - everything works out in the end  <3

Double-clicking the lock button his vehicle chirped behind him as Cullen bypassed the main entrance to The Painted Window. While the wine bar was sure to be quiet on a Tuesday evening, he would no doubt find her on the patio given the beautiful, early autumn evening. Tucking his sunglasses into his shirt pocket, he hurriedly pushed on the gate. It  _ screeched _ open making the duo look up in tandem. Dorian’s lips skewed in a disapproving manner, and the hardness in the mage’s grey-blue eyes told him it had nothing to do with the unfortunate entrance. Shame made Cullen blush fiercely, and he only felt worse when Evelyn looked him over with a surprised half-smile, not a trace of hostility on her face.

“I figured late was better than never.” He cringed as the gate swung shut behind him with another nerve-grating sound.

Dorian rolled his eyes. “Late would have been a fifteen-minute delay. Tops.”

Opting not to defend himself, since it personal and ultimately wouldn’t matter, Cullen sighed with resignation and pulled the empty chair next to his fiancée a little closer to her before taking a seat. He felt a tug at his mouth when she immediately pried his hand from his nape. Their fingers tangling together was comforting. Grounding. The engagement ring lightly pressing into his flesh a pleasant reminder that everything would work out. 

One way or the other. 

“At least now you don’t have to drive me home,” she offered amicably. 

“True…” Dorian agreed as he signed his tab with a flourish. “I guess it doesn’t matter as long as you show up to the wedding.” Setting the pen aside the mage scrutinized him.

“I’ll be there,” Cullen said dismissively, as if he’d be anywhere else than waiting impatiently for Evelyn to walk down the aisle and  _ officially _ be his.

She narrowed her eyes playfully. “You better be.” 

Cullen scoffed. “That is the last thing you need to worry about. I often regret not taking you up on that offer to elope.”

With a quirk of her lip, Evelyn turned her head aside as Dorian stood, but the sudden rosiness of her cheeks gave away how much that affected her. A little smile also played at the corners of her cousin’s mouth as he bent down to her for a brief, one-armed hug. If there was one thing Dorian had a soft spot for, it was overly romantic sentiments. 

“I’ll let you know what mater says,” he added, gathering up his phone and briefcase, “and I will  _ not _ listen to your bullshit again so unless you’re thanking me — shut it.”

The hint of a smile slipped across his lips at how her mouth promptly twisted into an adorable little frown. “I don’t know what we’d do without you,” Cullen allowed with only trace amounts of sarcasm.

“Have a hideous wedding,” Dorian replied smoothly. 

Cullen chuckled as the man clapped him on the shoulder on his way past. 

“See you two idiots later.” 

They bade him farewell, and he watched with mild amusement as Dorian put his hand on the hinge for a moment, then swung the gate open and closed — silently — a time or two before departing. Very quickly, however, Cullen faded back into his earlier unease. Holding her wineglass by her perfectly formed mouth, rim just barely touching the full lower lip she chewed on, Evelyn studied him. Her gaze bore into his with such intensity he had to look away. 

“So…” Evelyn finished off the little bit of wine she had left and leaned back in her chair. “Are you dying?”

“What?! No!”

She laughed at him. The sound light and honest and so terribly rare as of late he couldn’t help but smile upon hearing it. 

“I’m glad to hear it. I’d hate to waste my time planning this wedding if you were.”

He felt wrinkles form between his brows, and that only seemed to make her laugh more.

“I’m joking! I’d marry you even if you were on your deathbed.”

“I would hope so,” he admonished lightly. 

She pouted. “Certainly with all the progress on the wedding plans I've made, you can’t think I don’t want to marry you anymore.”

“I never thought that.”

The  _ look _ Evelyn gave him was insanely bright and amused, her eyes crinkling at the corners as a mischievous smile slowly stretched across her face.

“I didn’t,” Cullen insisted. 

The moment her mouth opened to tease him, he shook his hand free to cradle the back of her head and clamp his other over it. He  _ knew  _ what she was going to say, which only made Cullen further regret how he approached her about having the wedding at Trevelyan Manor. Given Evelyn’s mood that day he had occasionally backtracked and demurred. Used phrases like  _ I’m not trying to rush you into anything  _ and  _ I’m happy to wait until you’re ready  _ when he should have just stated Evelyn disliked every venue they had previously considered because they were simply _ wrong. _

“Don’t.” He could feel the shape of her smile in the palm of his hand. Mirth twinkling in the depths of her evergreen eyes. He eyed her skeptically before releasing her.

Her hands lifted in a warding gesture. “Since you asked so nicely I’ll restrain myself.”

Cullen huffed an involuntary laugh. 

“And ask that you tell me what’s going on instead,” Evelyn added in a quieter, more serious tone as her hand wrapped around his forearm. 

Nervously he leaned forward to prop his elbow up on the table and rub at the whiskers coating his jaw. Since his mage had been a little down as of late, and Evelyn enjoyed the facial hair, he had decided to grow his beard back out. 

“You’re probably not going to like it,” he warned, voice muffled by his hand.

She shrugged. “I already don’t like it. You can’t just put ‘doctor’ into the calendar two weeks in a row and not say anything.” He pulled his hand from his face and slumped back into the chair. Evelyn boldly held his gaze, imparting only concern. Her thumb trailed back and forth on his arm in a comforting gesture - for him or her, Cullen wasn’t sure. “I’m worried.” The tightness in the air told him she was considerably more than just worried.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” he soothed. In hindsight, Cullen wished he had just approached her with his concerns instead of causing her additional stress. “Quite the opposite in fact.”

“But you thought something was wrong?”

“Not necessarily.”

“I don’t understand.” There was a hint of frustration in her voice. 

“I may have contacted that fertility doctor Anders recommended…” It was evident in his tone this was not something he wished to confess. Made even more apparent because he couldn’t look at her. 

Her aura stilled considerably. “May have?” Evelyn took a breath, her words wavering with a bitter laugh. She withdrew her touch. “Why?”

“I wanted to be sure the problem wasn’t me,” he answered quietly. “Detoxing from lyrium was more difficult for me than most and if not for you…” He shook his head and shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t want you to put yourself through anything you didn't need to.”

“Cullen…” Evelyn cooed, and it was almost pained the way his name fell out of her mouth. It drew his gaze back to her automatically. 

There were tears in her eyes, and he hated that. Hated that he couldn’t  _ fix  _ this for her. Spare her the hurt she was already feeling. For the last month, he had watched her wake up every morning, at the same time, per her aunt’s recommendation, and pop a thermometer in her mouth for 5 minutes. Evelyn was dedicated to charting her BBT and every benign flux in her cycle so when she finally met with Dr. Wexler she’d be able to say she did her due diligence. 

He took her offered hand and squeezed reassuringly. She squeezed back. 

“Did you jizz in a cup for me?”

He barked out a surprised laugh then instantly cleared his throat to get himself under control. “And had some blood drawn.” 

A small smile slipped across her face as her gaze fell away. Her finger lightly touched on the inside of Cullen's elbow where there was still the faintest bruise. “Thank you.” Her eyes lifted as she shifted closer to him. “For that, for…”

Sunlight filtering in through the nearby tree lit up the flecks of yellow and brown in her dark verdant eyes, making them seem to glow from within, but it was the way she searched his face with a soft reverence that froze him to the spot. When she touched his cheek, whisper soft, Cullen warred with his desire to be closer. He remained still, however, giving her time to work through her thoughts. 

“For already trying to take some of this from me,” Evelyn finally said.

Cullen felt himself frown. “I wish I could do more.” 

Then her eyes watered again, and he could restrain himself no more.

He wiped her tears away with his thumbs before they could fall any further than they already had and placed a series of small kisses on her jawline. Trailing up to her mouth where they shared a slow, lazy kiss that had an unexpected level of heat to it, making his desire for her flare up — white hot. 

Evelyn broke away and sighed a little shakily, apparently just as affected by the kiss as him. “It’s not all terrible. Trying to conceive is fun.”

Cullen chuckled. “It is.”

“I was going to see if you wanted to eat while we were here, but I think I’d rather just go home.” She scratched at his beard, and his eyes slipped shut with an involuntarily groan. 

“And have some fun?”

Evelyn made a noise that sounded like a giggle, and it made him pry his eyes back open to look at her.

“Definitely,” she hummed, placing a soft, teasing kiss on his lips through her smile. 

He arched a blonde brow. “Keep that up, and you’ll have to put up one of those containment fields.” 

“Not here.” Turning aside, Evelyn gathered up her things. “I’d hate to be banned from this place.”

“I’ll be quiet.”

She stood then. “Liar.”

For a moment, Cullen was content to watch her walk away, to take in the way her hips naturally swayed as she moved. Pausing at the gate, Evelyn shot him a coy look over her shoulder. Without further encouragement, he followed after her. 

When he caught up with her at his car, Cullen gated her with his arms. He was pleased to note her aura felt lighter than it had in a couple of weeks. Usually, Evelyn approached him with her troubles of her own accord but considering this struggle was entirely out of her control Cullen couldn’t expect that. He promised himself right then and there he would do everything necessary to prevent her from bottling it up. Even poking and prodding at her and risk facing her temporary ire just to have her look up at him with clear eyes as she was now.

Her hands lazily trailed down his front. “Do you need help finding your keys?”

“If you just want to put your hands in my pants, you know I’d never stop you.”

Evelyn hooked her fingers into his waistband and pulled his hips into her. Her other hand reached into his pocket and pushed the unlock button a few times before moving her hands to his chest. 

“Tease,” he accused with a half-smile. 

Evelyn returned his playful expression. “It’s all part of the fun.”

It was.

Cullen bent down to her for a kiss, growling his approval when she bit his bottom lip. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

“Fill me in on the wedding details I missed this time?” It’d be not only a useful distraction on the drive home but an informative one considering he didn’t want to be completely clueless or uninvolved in planning their wedding. 

“Sure.” Evelyn paused, gaze flitting away as she grew uncomfortable. Cullen moved a hand to her face to brush aside the lock of hair that had fallen against her cheek. A gentle reminder he was there for her. 

It worked. 

Her eyes returned to him, seemingly back on solid ground. “If you’ll fill me in on what Dr. Wexler said.”

“Besides accidentally informing me that you have an appointment scheduled in a couple of weeks?” 

Her cheeks tinted a charming shade of pink.

Cullen chuckled. “It’s fine, love.”

“Will you go with me?” she asked suddenly, taking a breath. “I understand if you don’t —“

“Evelyn,” he interrupted firmly. “You’re not in alone in this. Stop thinking you are.”

She frowned then, the action slight, but it didn’t appear she was upset. “You’re right. You always are. This is just so…”

“I know,” he merely agreed, palming the side of her neck gently, and Evelyn leaned into the touch reflexively.

“I believe you, you know,” she murmured. Her scarred hand reached up, the diamond in her ring caught the sunlight. Countless little specks of brilliant light danced between them, vanishing the moment her fingers entwined with his on her neck. “Everything will work out.”

“One way or another.”

The soft smile she gave him, honest and meant only for him, was the only assurance he needed to know that whatever happened, they would face it together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION: does Ev have a miscarriage @ any point or do I leave that bundle of sad feels out of this thing?
> 
> Next time: I'm jumping to Satinalia again (which is like 2-3 months ahead) for some hurt/comfort.  
> _______________________________________________________________________________  
> [kawereen](http://kawereen.tumblr.com/) is the _sweetest_ person ever; she sketchy-sketched a lovely picture of Evelyn.   
> 


	25. Cassini Division

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassini Division: A gap in Saturn's rings that divides the outer set from the inner set of rings.  
>   
>  **i.e.:** Cullen  & Evelyn get some unexpected news.  
>   
> [minor edits made 03.16.18 to clarify some vague points]

The room was beginning to get warm now that all the guests had arrived and settled in. It wasn’t unbearable, but Evelyn was cold-natured. If she was warm, Cullen was probably somewhere sweating. She stopped what she was doing to pick up her phone and adjust the thermostat. Dropping it down several degrees should prevent the heat from kicking back on anytime soon, and if anyone was chilly, there was a fire in the fireplace and several throws scattered around the living room. 

It still felt a little… odd to be hosting an ‘event’ to trim the Satinalia tree. In the past, it had always been a somber affair her and Ez did together even when they lived with the Pavus family as teenagers. However, due to how secretively they handled it the previous year amongst their new friends and significant others, whom all had a very low tolerance level for the Trevelyan twin’s ‘bullshit,’ apparently, they would no longer be allowed to do so. Cullen had been sweet, but firm when he told her of the gathering — yesterday — and while she disliked the last minute notice, she still appreciated his intention. It was clearly an attempt to keep her spirits up, and honestly, she was glad for the distraction. 

Setting her phone down Evelyn glanced around to take it all in again. The large farmhouse-style dining table was shoved against the far wall and set up as a buffet table. Cullen had spent the entire day cooking and baking while she deep cleaned. The mindless work had been almost cathartic, and once finished she was more than happy to plop her ass in a chair and watch Cullen in the kitchen at his insistence to relax some and keep him company. Cooking was not only something he greatly enjoyed but something he excelled at like everything else he put his mind to, and as much as he argued otherwise, it showed. She had never seen a more impressive spread set out for a simple gathering of friends and family, and based on how decimated it was already, their guests agreed. 

Behind her, most of the seats were taken, but several people had chosen to lounge on the floor near the fireplace. Mercifully, it appeared cozy, not crowded. The chatter suddenly died down as this year’s version of the standard, cheesy Satinalia movie where the ridiculously handsome prince falls for the gorgeous, kind-hearted woman who somehow doesn't know she's gorgeous or kind-hearted reached the first crucial moment — they met. Naturally, all at once bets and jokes were being shouted over one another while poor Cass threw her hands up with an exasperated noise because she was actually trying to enjoy the movie. It — well, all of it — made Evelyn smile fondly almost reactively. 

As much as Evelyn hated to admit it, she and Ez had been going about this all wrong. She briefly worried their tree-trimming ritual had been for her benefit alone. Did Ez, in fact, latch onto it as firmly as her for all those years? Part of her hoped so, but the other part acknowledged how drastically he remodeled Trevelyan Manor as if to strip away the reminders of his pain. She’d never ask because honestly, it didn’t matter as it was two sides of the same coin. What did matter was Evelyn knew now with certainty she should have been focusing on what that last night together gave them — their father — not the impending loss associated with it. 

He had been the man he used to be before withdrawals addled his mind beyond repair. Despite the drastic weight loss and heavy blankets piled on top of him to keep the chill at bay, her father had been  _ present. _ His emerald gaze clear, and there had been easy laughter, even a steadiness to the deep baritones of his voice that had been sorely missed. The Maker had given the twins one last miraculous opportunity to be the family they used to be, and as Evelyn took in the room, she knew with clarity Cullen was trying to remind her she still had that in some capacity. Remind her what her father vehemently believed — family goes beyond blood. 

And it did. 

Evelyn felt her heart swell with affection for Cullen. The way he could tell her so much without saying a word at all suddenly overwhelmed her. Blinking through the irrational watering of her eyes, she scanned the room for him, wanting to thank him for this in earnest. Her search was interrupted however when her brother caught her eye and cocked his head to the side at the same time Dorian snapped his fingers in her face. Evelyn jumped, then scowled at her cousin. 

“Unnecessary. Use words.” 

Mia, who had appeared on the opposite side of the breakfast bar while Evelyn was distracted, and Dorian exchanged a  _ look.  _

“Did I just unintentionally,” she paused to sigh, sitting straighter, “answer some question I missed?” 

“Would you like a drink?” Mia asked — probably repeated — smiling a little.

“Yes,” answered Cole as he unexpectedly reached around Evelyn to set down a tumbler of amber liquid before her. She grimaced at the strong choice of drink mildly concerned everything Cole could read in her head was also written on her face no matter how hard she tried to mask it. 

“Am I that obvious?” Evelyn asked with a laugh, trying to save face, though she could already feel the oncoming blush beginning to heat her cheeks.

“Sometimes,” Mia said, sympathetically. 

She hummed a noncommittal sound and swirled the warm liquid around in the glass before taking a tentative sip. Wordlessly, Cole slid his arm around her as if she were a breakable thing, and maybe Evelyn was. She leaned into the half-embrace and felt herself smile as he tucked her head under his chin. His scent — old books and coffee and faintly like something that reminded her of a summer’s day out in the secluded wooded area behind their home — enveloped her. It was comforting; perhaps it was some ability of the Spirit’s.

She squeezed him closer for a moment before releasing him. “I should go see what Ez wanted.”

“You should finish what you were doing,” Cole replied frankly. 

“Precisely.” Dorian held up a hand, finger and thumb pressed together. “The lights are supposed to be silver  _ and gold.”  _ His digits spread apart as he conjured up a pea-sized light for emphasis. “Not just gold.” 

Evelyn rolled her eyes but said nothing. Magelight adapted the qualities of the element that ran through a mage’s blood. For Dorian, it was Fire, giving the spell a warm, golden tint. Evelyn's Magelight had the soft silvery hue of muted Lightning. With a  _ tiny bit _ more effort, since they already had to weigh the spell down so it would be tangible for non-mages, he could easily alter the color of it. 

Conjuring up a little pea-sized light of her own, Evelyn gave him a pointed look. “Happy?”

The corner of his mouth turned up into a smirk, skewing his immaculate mustache. “Very.” They set their silver and gold orbs of light into the bowl between them and repeated the process. “Ezmond has legs. He can come over here if he really wants to talk to you,” Dorian all but shouted, glancing over his shoulder with an expectant lift of his brow. 

The way the line of his mouth turned down slightly into a frown had her looking behind her again. Ez had disappeared, as had Cole,  _ and  _ there was still no sign of Cullen, but her twin probably just had to go to the bathroom and Cole had a habit of vanishing. Her fiancé, on the other hand… it had been awhile since he’d had an episode but things were a little strenuous as of late. She was about to pick up her phone to text him when Cullen came in the back door with an armload of firewood and Dante at his heels.

Cullen carefully stacked the wood near the door and chuckled as Dante shook off the snow practically in his face. With a playful shove at the mabari his gaze lifted and almost instantly locked onto hers, mouth quirking in that small smile he seemed to always wear around her. Pushing up his sleeves and dusting the snow from his golden locks he came over to join her. 

“I can’t believe you’re not done with the lights yet,” he murmured after the merest hint of lips on her own. 

“It’s still early.” She shrugged, dropping a few more tiny orbs into the bowl. “The kind-hearted woman hasn’t even met the Prince’s bitchy fiancée yet. Plus, we can always start with this. Let our mana  _ recharge,”  _ she added mockingly, giving Dorian a light shove. He swayed a little.

“Woman. Don’t start with me.” Dorian adjusted his glasses, feigning offense. 

Mia made a sound into her wine glass that could have been a laugh, and Cullen lightly chuckled as he leaned forward to prop himself up on the breakfast bar with his forearms. 

“So, how are, you know,  _ things _ going?”

_ “Mia,”  _ Cullen admonished. 

“It’s fine. Really.” 

Cullen believed her, and she knew it from the way the lines on his face relaxed. She snuck her hand up his sweater to rest her palm against his back, tracing the path of one of his many scars with her thumb. His mouth curved then, a smile of pleasure at her touch. 

“Things are...” she began thoughtfully before pausing to choose her next words very carefully. 

It was disheartening, to say the least, that every test she had taken had come back crystal clear. Bloodwork fine. Hormones, in range. Ultrasounds, clear of any abnormalities. Now it just felt like they were going through the motions and hoping the medication worked, and if it didn’t take this month, there were more invasive tests just around the corner. 

“Going about as good as they can be considering everything.” 

That smile of his was still there, a little less honest than it had previously been; golden eyes crinkling as they stared at one another a moment.

“The medication has side-effects that are… cruel,” she continued quietly. A hollow ache passed through her heart as that emotion she’d rather not name slowly erased the remnants of his smile. Evelyn hated seeing that look on his face. Hated knowing she caused it — kept causing it — and most especially hated how there seemed no way to stop it from crossing his features as of late. 

“What do you mean?” Dorian asked almost reluctantly. 

“You know…” Evelyn gestured awkwardly, not wanting to say it. Dorian and Mia blinked owlishly at her a moment, and Cullen’s gaze fell away as if he couldn’t watch her say it. She took a slow breath. “My tits are swollen and really fucking hurt. I can smell  _ everything  _ from a mile away, and my goddamn emotions are all over the place. In short, it makes you feel… pregnant,” she finished flatly. 

No one spoke for about three or four seconds. “Are you sure you’re not?” Mia asked delicately, breaking the silence at last.

“We’re sure.” His whole jaw was tense, and there was a sharp edge to his tone that was sure to stop that line of questioning entirely. Evelyn began to lightly stroke his back. Cullen’s shoulders relaxed a little, but that was about it. 

“I just finished my period and started the second round of treatment.” Mia apologized, and Evelyn saw a muscle jump in his jaw. “There's no need to apologize,” she said to Mia as much as to Cullen. It was apparent he felt the need to. “I appreciate you care enough to ask every time we see each other.”

“Well, now I feel like an asshole,” Dorian drawled dramatically.

Cullen didn’t say it, but the way he huffed an almost bitter laugh, still avoiding her gaze, told her he felt the same. 

“Well, you are an asshole,” Bull chipped in matter-of-factly as he joined them, standing beside Dorian at the end of the breakfast bar. 

Giggling, Evelyn reached out to flash chill the glass before her and moved it toward Cullen. The lack of soda water and lime in the whiskey had seemed odd to her until now.

Cullen glanced up and smiled slightly. “Thanks, love.”

Removing her hand from underneath his sweater, she leaned forward and propped herself up on her forearms like him. “Anything for you, remember?” She swayed and bumped into his shoulder. He didn’t budge, but the little quirk of his lip pulled higher. 

“How could I forget?” He asked, the words an intimate breath of air just as hers were. “Going through all this…”

“That’s not for you. It’s for us.” 

His eyes scanned her face with approval and possession and no attempt to disguise either one before settling on her mouth. It made the back of her neck prickle. Heat settled in her stomach. Without warning, Cullen leaned close to brush his mouth against hers lightly. Teeth scraping over the sensitive skin of her bottom lip before pecking the corner of her mouth. 

Evelyn opened her mouth to speak, but a smooth Starkhaven accent interrupted her. 

“When Rutherford said dinner and a show, I didn’t know he meant this sort.” 

As one, their heads swiveled toward the newcomer directly across from them. Rylen’s aqua eyes sparkled mischievously; a playful smirk pulled at the tattoos accenting his chin. 

“Me neither,” added Bull.

Cullen was blushing, a little hint of color on his cheeks and ears, but stopped short of grouching at their friends when Rylen pointed behind them with a dry expression. They both looked over their shoulders and found the equivalent of soft-core porn on the television. Apparently the fiancée in this version was extra bitchy if she was sleeping around.

“So.” Speaking at a level meant for his ears alone, Evelyn leaned into Cullen whose blush was quickly expanding across his face and down his neck as well as deepening. “When I said I wanted to watch porn together, with our friends wasn’t what I had in mind.” 

“Maker’s breath,” he breathed, tipping his head forward to rest his forehead on her shoulder. Evelyn palmed the back of Cullen’s neck, fingers scratching softly at his hairline. “Can you not bring that up at this specific moment in time?”

“We should get a tv for the bedroom.” 

He groaned softly, and she giggled an apology into his hair. 

What was supposed to be an innocent joke Rylen lobbed at her twin cut through her like a knife. Based on how the muscles in Cullen’s neck and jaw suddenly tensed, it surprised him too. 

Harding was pregnant.

The following silence was  _ suffocating.  _

Split-seconds seemed to drag into minutes. She could  _ feel _ everyone’s eyes on her, anxiously awaiting her reaction. Evelyn didn’t know if she could stomach seeing the pity she was sure to be greeted with, but she would have to.

Evelyn stroked Cullen’s hair. A soothing action, for him as much as her. This wasn’t the first time they’d be forced to face such circumstances, and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but for right now it would do good not to dwell on it. So, Evelyn added this new hurt to the rest of the aches and pains she felt that day, both physical and emotional, and made it one more thing to live with. Unraveling herself from Cullen, she sat up straight and met the stunned silence with squared shoulders. 

The subtle, broken look that crossed her brother’s face when their eyes locked was enough to make Evelyn regret ever confiding in him about any of this. This was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of his life, and it wasn’t, all because of her. Evelyn forced herself to meet his gaze. Then she forced a smile, wishing it was more honest. 

“Congratulations,” she told him. The room seemed to relax collectively, seemingly all aware of the situation which made everything worse. Rylen sheepishly clapped him on the shoulder, murmuring something that was no doubt an apology before moving aside as Harding joined him. 

“When is the due date?” 

“The third of Justinian.” The information coming out of her brother with a start. Beside her, still bent over the countertop, Cullen took a long pull of whiskey, almost downing it all in one swallow. She errantly wondered if the drink was in fact initially for her. She sure felt like she needed it now. 

Evelyn scratched Cullen’s back lightly before slipping off the bar stool. The rest of their friends who had been hovering nearby wandered off. As she neared, the parents-to-be mouths’ opened and they took a breath. 

“Just don’t— Don’t do that. Don’t make this about... me.” 

They exchanged a look, seemingly at a loss as to what to say now that she stopped them from apologizing. Evelyn shifted her weight from leg to leg and averted her gaze in the uncomfortable silence. Dorian and Cullen were talking in hushed tones by the dining table while they refilled their drinks. She wanted to join them. 

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” 

“I would hope not,” she replied, barely managing to keep the bitterness out of her voice. It was apparent to her now that Ez wanted to pull her aside earlier to do so and Cole had put a stop to it. That alone angered her, this gathering was not the time nor the place, but what angered her even more, was they had brunch just last weekend. Only the four of them. 

“Ev…” her brother began, stepping forward, then stopping when she held up a hand. 

“Can we do this when everything isn’t so… fresh?” 

Ez glanced over at Cullen who was watching them, face unreadable. “Of course.” 

Knowing full well none of Evelyn’s ire directed at her in any way, Harding stepped forward, interlocked their arms and whisked her away from her twin. “Let’s get you a drink!” She said brightly. “Perhaps two since I can’t have one and we can watch this... interesting movie. I’m sure Cass will let us start it over. And I can fill you in on everything  _ finally.” _

“I’d like that,” Evelyn admitted, lips lifting into a half-smile.

“I’ll go clear the riff-raff off the couch and give you two a minute.” Overhearing the comment, Bull belly-laughed, a big booming sound that drowned out Hawke’s protests as Cass began to shove him away playfully. Evelyn watched Harding walk off, thankful for the opportunity for her and Cullen to be as alone as possible for a moment.

A gentle touch on her cheek easily drew her attention back to him. “You okay?”

She nodded, feeling her smile turn into something more genuine. “We will be, yeah?” 

Something flashed in his eyes. Evelyn could see how much her response affected him as a ripple of tension passed through his frame, there and quickly gone again. She leaned into the touch on her face and waited.

“We will,” Cullen said slowly. 

His lips were gentle against hers, and she could taste fresh whiskey when he opened his mouth. The kiss never escalated beyond a slow reassurance. Evelyn sighed when it ended, wishing there was no one in their home and nothing for them to do but lie down together. 

“Save a spot for me; I’ll join you in a moment.”

“Don’t hit him, he probably wants you to.” Knowing Ez, he’d punish himself plenty for keeping this from her for so long, then having the news unintentionally broken to her on tonight of all nights.

Cullen smiled and looked down at the drink in his hand. “I won’t,” he said. “As much as I want to.” 

“You know…” Evelyn stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his middle to press their bodies together. She looked up at him, the curve of her mouth far too intimate for such a public setting. Cullen’s throat worked briefly. “If you really want to be cruel, you’ll let Dorian handle this and come watch some soft-core porn with me.” 

Cullen sighed and then laughed. “Okay love, let’s go watch some porn.” 

Laughing, she took the offered drink, apparently a little stronger than she usually preferred based on the color, and let him lead her to the couch. Harding’s smile was knowing and insanely bright as they dropped down beside her. 

Evelyn didn’t much feel like trimming the tree anymore, not that she did in the first place, and that was okay. If the past couple of years had taught her anything, it was that things change, and not always for the better, but as long as you had someone to face it with the lows weren’t so low and the highs… well, the highs were the stuff dreams were made of. Meeting Cullen’s warm, beautiful golden gaze, Evelyn knew she already had more than most, and she felt a strange peace knowing one day children’s laughter would fill this home even if those children weren’t theirs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: I'm not sure... Bachelor party shenanigans &/or (maybe, probably) some smut.


	26. Serendipity**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serendipity: An event occurring by chance, usually with beneficial or happy consequences.  
>   
>  **i.e.:** Something done while blackout drunk makes Cullen's morning a little more interesting.  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, orgasm delay/denial, biting/scratching]

The first thing Cullen became aware of was the thundering in his head. Unfortunately, the headache wasn’t just in his skull, but in his neck, his sinuses, reverberating down his spine. Her name surfaced through it. He managed to take hold of the idea, but getting his mouth to make the shape of it was more difficult than expected. 

His mouth was dry, cottony, with a thick, sour taste that made his stomach churn. Her name finally fell from his chapped lips. A broken cluster of syllables. The pieces there but not fitting together correctly. 

“Ev. Eh. Lynn.” 

No answer, but there had been no strength behind it. The word barely a rasp of sound that seemed to echo through his skull with far too much force. 

He pried his eyes open. 

Blinking through the dryness and sleep encrusting his eyes, Cullen was pleased to note the room was relatively dark. After a few more seconds his vision fully adjusted. No longer did he see double. There was only a slight halo around objects, a shimmery haze that was guaranteed to be horrendous under direct light. 

And it was. 

Even though the curtains and blinds were drawn and his mage had been kind enough to enchant the decorative glass cutouts in the back door, the little bit of sunlight he could see was a brilliant glare that stung his eyes. Reflexively, they slipped shut again with a pitiful groan. 

Face down on the sofa, Cullen decided he should try to take inventory of himself but immediately regretted moving at all when his head sharply pulsed. He relaxed into his situation a little when he heard the soft padding of her approach. The gentle hum of her magic resonating against the lyrium embedded deep in his bones was soothing. It always was. 

The backs of her fingers brushed against his forehead. Cullen felt like he was radiating heat, and when she pressed her hand to it, he forced his eyes open again. Evelyn sat on the floor before him. With a soft, concerned look she began to stroke his hair as she searched him, a buoyant feeling that seemed to tingle in his extremities. Eyes fluttering shut, he spent the following minutes just enjoying the feel of her hands and magic on him. Had he felt better he would have acted on the accompanying desire tightening in his loins in some capacity. Even if it only a gentle, wanting caress. Something to remind her how much she meant to him. 

Cullen, however, only managed an appreciative grunt. 

In response, Evelyn made a sound that might have been a small laugh and lightly scratched his scalp. 

Slowly, the headache lessened. It didn’t vanish in its entirety, but it no longer hurt to think around. Something in Cullen’s upper back shifted like having a knot pulled loose. Evelyn even eased the roiling acid in his stomach. He mentally tried to calculate how long he had been out this time. It took him far longer than it should have to realize he wasn’t emerging from an episode. 

Just incredibly hungover.

“Better?” 

Cullen forced his eyes open again and was glad to see only mild amusement written in the soft lines on her face. It crinkled ever so slightly around her evergreen eyes. In the dim light, how one iris was a smidge darker than the other was more pronounced.

His hand swung up to hold her’s in place on his nape. “You have no idea.” His voice sounded like rocks grating together. “I never should have let Hawke plan the bachelor party.”

“I don’t think it would’ve mattered who planned it with Hawke around.”

“You’re probably right.” Cullen paused to sigh tiredly. “I guess I should be glad I made it home in one piece.” 

“You were in good hands. Cole doesn’t drink.” She lightly squeezed the back of his neck. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever drink again.” Just the thought of doing so had his stomach turning over. 

“What a shame, seeing you truly shitfaced was…” The corner of her mouth quirked up into a wry half-smile. “Interesting to say the least.”

Painfully aware he was naked and had no recollection of even arriving home, embarrassment warmed his face. “I hope I wasn’t too… untoward.” 

“No. Not untoward. Enthusiastic, perhaps.”

At her slow-growing grin, Cullen blushed several degrees hotter. “Do I even want to know?”

Evelyn removed her hand from his neck to brush her brunette waves back over her shoulder and pulled the collar of her t-shirt out to the side. At the sight of a large, purple bruise on the crook of her neck, Cullen buried his face into the pillow as he far bypassed ‘lyrium red.’ 

Her head dropped to his shoulder with a soft chuckle. A touch, gentle and apologetic, smoothed across his back. 

“Sweetheart, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything I didn’t enjoy.” 

Her lips brushed across the scar that wrapped around his shoulder where the skin was forever numb. A feather-light touch on either side of it was the only indication of the act. Cullen managed to uproot his face from the pillow at the familiar sensation. With a soft smile, she touched the backs of her fingers to his cheek.

“Plus, you got a little dizzy before anything really happened and asked for a rain check. Then apologized for being sleepy. Always my gentleman.” The final words were like a whisper of silk. 

“I don’t know about that.” He propped himself up on his forearm to get a better look at her neck. Using just his fingertips, Cullen lightly traced where the outline of several individual teeth was discernible on her once flawless skin.

“Biting is all good.” Evelyn pressed his palm against the mark. Cullen hated he couldn’t remember what transpired -  _ at all. _ Especially since marking her as his in the most primal of ways sounded considerably more appealing than it should have. 

“You know this,” she added and abruptly stood. “Just as I said —“ 

Cullen barked out a rather undignified sound when she slapped the meat of his ass as hard as possible on her way around the couch. His reaction was due to shock more than anything. By the action as well as the surprising level of sting inflicted. 

“— spanking is all good, and yet you’ve attempted neither.”

“I’ve spanked you.” With the intent of following after her, he forced himself upright, and for a split-second, the floor seemed to slip right out from beneath him. Cullen sat with his head in his hands, elbows on knees, and gave himself a moment before attempting to move again.

“Once. Then you apologized.” She began to rummage around in the kitchen.

“And I bite you all the time.” 

“Not like that.”

“I don’t want to  _ hurt _ you.” Cullen briefly rubbed his eyes before allowing his hands to dangle between his knees. The light was still strangely emphasized, but tolerable. 

“Hey, Cullen, guess what.”

“What?” He asked, exasperated. 

“You did, and I  _ liked  _ it.”

“Maker, you’re impossible.” Cullen pushed himself off the couch, and as his clothes were nowhere in sight, snatched up her fuzzy white blanket to wrap around his hips. 

Evelyn looked at him for a moment; head tipped slightly to the left, and then she smirked. “That’s cute.”

Despite himself, he laughed. “You did this on purpose.” Cullen approached the breakfast bar, where she had placed a couple of ibuprofen tabs and a large glass of water. 

“Of course.”

He looked up and met Evelyn’s eyes for a second. “Would you prefer I take it off?”

The weight of her regard was even more tangible than usual. Cullen fought not to close his eyes as he tried to battle the arousal that was starting to move through him at just a  _ look. _

“I would prefer...” She paused to take a breath. “To show you why I like it, rather than argue about it.”

“You would?”

“Yes. Would you like me to?”

Knowing how much he was already affected would sound in his voice, Cullen only nodded, then popped the medication into his mouth and downed the glass of water in three large gulps. 

“Go wash up. Find some clothes if you must,” Evelyn said simply. “I’ll make you one of those green smoothies and toss some elfroot in it.”

Her tone was kind but firm. Definitely a dismissal and for whatever reason, that warm, buzzing feeling of arousal only increased. Cullen rested the ice-cold glass against his forehead and wordlessly did as instructed. Upstairs, he took a cold shower, brushed his teeth, quickly styled his hair and donned only a robe before returning to her. 

Evelyn was watching the news, still standing where he left her. He put his hands on the counter on either side of her.

Cullen nuzzled the shell of her ear. "Is it okay if I kiss you?" 

Evelyn looked up at him over her shoulder for a long moment, expressionless. Eventually, she nodded.

It started slow and stayed that way. One hand at her waist, the other cupped the side of her face to angle her head, so they fit together perfectly. 

And, Maker, did it feel perfect. 

Her lips were soft and smooth, tasting faintly of mint. Evelyn licked his bottom lip and took it between her’s to suck, light and teasing. Cullen’s grip on her waist tightened, and he pressed closer, hemming her in against the counter. The heat and the slide of her tongue made blood rush into his cock. He could feel himself growing and wanting her to feel it too, pulled her into him. 

It felt like hours before they parted even enough to take a separate breath. Cullen looked at her mouth and wanted to do it all over again. She was blinking slowly at him, hands still stubbornly on the countertop; lips wet and parted, almost an invitation. 

And then it was gone as Evelyn looked away.

"Drink your smoothie.”

He did.

The elfroot helped a great deal with remnants of his headache and queasiness of his stomach. Cullen almost felt 100%. 

Evelyn finally turned around to face him once he set the empty glass down before her. A hand slipped into the pocket of his robe; her other pushed the fabric aside, curled around his cock and squeezed. A strangely possessive action. Cullen hissed in a breath at the rawness of it.

“As much as I’m interested in this, I want to know what else was pressing into my backside.” 

Extracting a bundle of rope, Evelyn arched a surprised brow. 

“I also know when I’ll need to be restrained,” Cullen admitted hesitantly. 

“It seems there is a first time for everything,” Evelyn mused, dropping the rope back into his pocket and tugging at him until he came away from the counter and followed her step by step to the couch. She untied the robe and stepped behind him to pull it from Cullen’s shoulders. “Hands please.” 

Cullen offered her his hands, palms down. She turned them, so his palms were facing one another then slipped the bundle from under her arm. With a quickness that always took him by surprise, his wrists were bound together. 

“Now you have a choice. You can lay down, and I can tie you off to the couch, or sit up and I will tie you off to… yourself.” The enigmatic smile that bloomed across her face as the last word fell from her lips had him choosing it reactively despite not having a clue what she meant. What pleased Evelyn in these situations, always pleased him. 

“Myself.”

"Arms up, rest the knot on the back of your head.” Evelyn tapped the knotted space between his wrists closest to him for emphasis. Cullen complied, and when she began to wrap and weave the rope around the bottom of his ribcage, the pieces fell together with a weak sound in the back of his throat.

Evelyn was tying a chest harness. 

Once finished she walked around Cullen in a slow circle. He could  _ feel _ her eyes on him. It was worse than anything when it came to breaking his self-control, and she knew it. Testing the limits of his motion, Cullen lifted his arms. The whole thing felt tauntingly loose. A teasing promise of escape, only to find it tightened, not uncomfortably, when he tried to move.

“Maker, you look good in rope.” 

His breath shook at the praise, and the wanting sigh in her voice set his cock throbbing.

“Now you get to sit down.” Evelyn pushed firmly at Cullen’s chest, so he backed up all the way until the couch hit the back of his legs.

Cullen canted his legs wider to brace himself as he sat down with only the muscles of his thighs. Once he was seated, Evelyn pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it carelessly aside. Despite her full breasts swaying with her motions as she stepped out of her panties, Cullen only had eyes for hers. Gaze dark with arousal, yet attentive like she knew how much Cullen needed her and she wanted to guarantee he  _ knew  _ she had him.

“Safeword?”

“Bacon.” His voice even rougher than before when he woke up.

“Hungry?”

“Maker, yes,” he answered. Too eager. A flare of embarrassment began to heat up his neck. Cullen looked down and swallowed hard, eyes fixated on an obscure spot on the floor. 

“Me too,” she sighed and dropped to her knees. 

Evelyn pushed on his knees until Cullen spread himself as wide as possible. His eyes fluttered shut, and he blew out the slowest breath he could manage when he felt teeth and lips trail over his pelvis. Her fingers ghosted over that vein on his cock she always paid attention to before wrapping around him and lazily stroking him. Her hand barely moved the length of him, just gentle tugging motions that had him begging for more. 

A deep moan pulled from his chest when she adjusted her grip and obliged. It cut off with a choked sound as he pulled against the rope and it quickly tightened when she took one his balls into her mouth. Almost instantly, Cullen relaxed into the wet heat and the gentle pressure of her sucking. Then sharp burning lines dragged down his chest as Evelyn dug her nails in and scratched him. It hurt enough that his breath caught in his throat, but he found the anticipation and aftermath of the opposing sensations felt confusingly similar. 

Cullen licked his lips and pried his eyes open. Gaze instantly locking on her slender hand jerking him and her mouth tending to his sack. He felt her smile around his ball. 

“How many— How many times?”

Evelyn pulled off him with a wet  _ pop.  _

“Just once.” 

A sharp nip on his inner thigh that hurt just enough he made a slightly awkward sound. 

Then another followed just a hair higher. 

This time, however, he was anticipating it, and a strangled moan escaped him as his cock throbbed in her hand.

“Then I’ll ride you, but you should err on the side of caution —“ 

Cullen cried out when Evelyn bit into his thigh  _ hard;  _ the pain radiated out and down into the muscle as she simultaneously began to twist a little on each upstroke. He was confident the pain alone wasn’t what rend that sound from his chest. Just as he was positive, that would bruise impressively. 

“Because I’d hate for you to ruin the finale.” 

Her lips lovingly brushed against the deep throb in his leg before taking him into the impossible heat of her mouth. Without warning, Evelyn gently ran her teeth over the tip of his cock while sucking. The pain was minimal, scratchy, and hard to forget about despite how goddamn good it all felt. Warring between pleasure and fear, his balls tightened, and she pressed them up into his crotch hard enough to mimic an orgasm. A shuddery sound ripped through his teeth at the terrible rush of it all. 

Time seemed to blur then as Evelyn sucked him in that slow, precise way he always got lost in. He couldn’t look away from her petal-pink lips wrapped around his thick girth or her hand working what she couldn’t fit in her mouth. The sounds she made were lewd and wet, and it sounded like she was enjoying the most delectable thing in all of Thedas. 

By the time Evelyn decided to reach up and palm his chest with her free hand, Cullen’s mouth was open, and he was panting — borderline concerned he waited too long to stop her as her nails bit into the sensitive flesh of his nipple. 

His eyes slammed shut. 

“F—fuck.  _ Stop!” _

Pressure welled deep and there was  _ nothing  _ he could do but will it away. 

“I’ve got you.” 

He wanted to respond, but his teeth were clenched far too hard for that.

“Breathe, Cullen,” Evelyn reminded, voice low and soothing. Her hands were on his face, in his hair. The touch was so light. So gentle.

He sucked in a much-needed breath that stopped his lungs from burning and managed to open his eyes. Evelyn was straddling him and being very careful to avoid touching his cock. Cullen leaned into her touch on his face and flexed his hands a time or two to encourage feeling back into them.

“I’m breathing.”

She giggled and kissed his temple. While she waited for him to come back from the edge some, Evelyn massaged his shoulders and biceps. Keeping the blood flowing and easing the aches building in his muscles from tensing up so frequently. 

“You good?”

“Maker, Ev, I want you.”  The response was hurried, nearly a gasp. He needed to feel the way her inner walls pulled at his cock beyond all else.  A groan pulled from his chest when Evelyn’s hand moved down between her legs to line him up. His cock grazed her entrance, hot and wet. Her arousal cooling quickly against the tip of him.

“Please. I —” Cullen couldn’t stop the helpless sound he made when she finally sank down onto him. He always rested so deep and Evelyn  was always so tight. A perfect fit as if she were  _ made  _ for him. The concept had warmth blooming in his lower back, sending a tightness though his cock and balls. He wasn’t anywhere near close to coming, but Evelyn could hold him in an impossible state of arousal that always seemed to make it feel as if it were only a second away. 

Evelyn tucked her legs as close to his as possible and lifted. Arching her back, Evelyn clenched around him through her descent, angling herself, so his cock hit  _ just right  _ inside her. 

Fingers ghosted briefly against his shaft, somehow finding that vein, then trailed up to circle her clit with a moan. Her breasts swayed invitingly with her motions. His thoughts were stuttering — skipping and stalling — scrambled by the sight of her  _ using  _ him for her own pleasure. 

Her neck arched to the side, putting his bite on display and something  _ clicked _ into place. 

Having more than enough core strength, Cullen surged forward and took her swollen, pink nipple into his mouth. He sucked — _hard_ — knowing they were already extremely tender. Evelyn cried out, gripping his hair on the wrong side of painful as she changed the rhythm to grind into him. Each roll of her hips intensified the wet heat of her exponentially. 

Evelyn arched further into his assault, pulling his hair hard enough to make him hiss in a breath as she dragged his mouth to her other breast. 

“Enthusiastic.” The word came out on a growl. 

Then, he  _ bit. _

_ “Ah! _ I was wondering when you’d remember.” 

It was day ten, and there was nothing more Cullen wanted in this world than to plant his seed in her and watch her body swell with his child. 

Cullen pulled off of her with a yelp of protest when her nails scratched up his flank. Evelyn shoved him back and rode him harder. The  _ slap-slap-slap  _ of flesh was making him dizzy. That pressure was starting to build to unbearable levels and Cullen was utterly unprepared for the teeth that grazed down his neck and then bit down  _ hard  _ as her body clenched around him. The sound of his name muffled into his flesh.

It was an overwhelming duality. 

At once a fluttering, unimaginable pleasure where her body enveloped him and a high and bright pain in his chest and shoulder. 

A hoarse cry ripped between his teeth as the pressure in his gut snapped and instantly seemed to rebuild and hit him again. 

Cullen came so hard it  _ ached. _

When he resurfaced from the deafening roar of blood in his ears, Evelyn was wrapped around him. She was saying something, but it was too soft to hear with her face buried in his neck. He was trembling a little, breathing harshly. Cullen licked his lips, wishing he had drunk more water earlier. 

After another moment, Evelyn brushed her lips tenderly over dull ache on his collarbone then sat straight and pulled his mass into her. It was more than cumbersome for her to free him while still straddling his hips with him still buried inside her, his erection slowly flagging. Honestly, overall Cullen didn’t particularly care how long it took as long as she didn’t move away from him, but the impatient side of him wanted his hands on her. 

“Burn it off.” 

She chuckled. “I’ve got the knot. I just need to get it off you. Be patient.”

He couldn’t stop the smile at the edges of his mouth. “Fine.” 

The rope went slack around his midsection, and Cullen brought his hands down between them. He rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck as she deftly untied him. 

The split-second he was free, he laid his mage down and covered her with his body. He rested his head on her chest to listen to Evelyn’s heartbeat. Her hands lightly massaged his shoulders and the back of his neck. Occasionally trailed through his blond curls. The faint rise and fall of his own body in response to her breathing slowly began to lull him to sleep, and Cullen was a tad bit too exhausted from everything to want to stop himself.

Work. The stress of their upcoming wedding, now less than a month away. Deciding to take a break from her fertility treatments after this round, because even facing it together, there was only so much let down they could handle. 

Being wrapped around one another, it helped. Offered them both a reprieve. Evelyn could chase off his nightmares, even when she had lived halfway across the world. Those walls she had built up around herself, never existed for him. There were moments when his mage would tell him exactly how she was feeling without a single word. Like now, a subtle shift in her aura meant for only him. A soft tremor of energy swelled and ghosted across his skin, instilling within him a similar feeling as her fingers tracing his scars lovingly.

Cullen plucked her hand from his back and brought it to his lips where he could place a soft kiss against her skin, mouth tracing a lazy line up from her wrist to the back of her fingers, lingering over her engagement ring.

Sometimes Evelyn and Cullen needed a simple reminder they were one another’s constant, and that was more than enough to build up what life had broken down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) The tie Ev uses is called an "over the head chest harness" - it's a two-column tie & a basic chest harness meshed together. Female tops are like apparently nonexistent, so here is [a SFW image](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2Wn3W42Ra0aT056VW1IX2JJTGNEQlVHdGxyLVEyaU5XSVpZ/view?usp=sharing%22) of a bound female that gives you a super rough (not 100% correct) idea what this looks like. 
> 
> 2) Day 10 is smack dab in the middle of the "fertile window" when you're on meds that force you to ovulate.
> 
> 3) I don’t know about anyone else, but my husband’s robe has stupid huge pockets & I always wonder why...
> 
> Next time: Evelyn still needs to have her last hurrah (probably just floofy-floof, but we'll see).
> 
>  **ADDED 03.30.18:** a [slightly-nsfw](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1s4iCiwEQAgI7GTdaBh607IENAJWH60Tb/view?usp=sharing) art commission of Cullen in rope thanks to [oblivionscribe](http://oblivionscribe.tumblr.com/) <3


	27. Pyrolyser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyrolyser: An instrument that breaks complex molecules into constituents by using heat.  
>   
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn is a hot mess.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had to sit down and work out my timeline a bit. It was **so** vague I was getting confused. The wedding is _less than_ a month away (I went back and added a few words to the last chapter where the wedding was mentioned to reflect this).
> 
> And it hurt me to post this chapter... Look at this beautiful word count: 
> 
> [ladymdc is a number nerd and according to a follower... [this](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yCsE4tQqQqDX37PLf-JhyRp2LXiE8GvG/view?usp=sharing) is my secret identity xD]

Spring was slow to start that year. The night air was crisp but pleasant. Especially after the sweltering atmosphere in his shop. There was a temptation to have Evelyn set up a frost glyph to offset it, but in all honesty, Cullen liked the reminder of how far he had come. 

Detox had been brutal. During that first year, his hands always felt like ice, achy and stiff. His skin wan and cold to the touch. Even in mid-summer, he’d have to bundle up every time he’d go out to the shop to work on a project when sleep evaded him, which occurred far more often than he had ever admitted to Evelyn in their correspondence.

The 180° in his core temperature had been shocking at first, but it was the first sign the chains  finally had been broken, and it was  _ welcome. _ Two years later, Cullen still ran abnormally hot, probably always would, but the tremors were practically nonexistent and the episodes, few and far between. The exhaustion and occasional migraine were more than bearable, and it was a small price to pay to have access to his abilities still should anything ever happen. 

He knew firsthand the lengths a Demon would go to exact its revenge and while what Evelyn had endured at New Haven had been horrific, it would be nothing in comparison if Envy got its hands on her again. The possibility  _ ate _ at him. Even more so ever since their upcoming wedding cropped up in the papers. The sudden attention, no matter how benign, put him on edge, especially with her out and about without him. Raleigh swore the intel coming in was clear, but intel could be  _ wrong. _

Sighing heavily, Cullen grabbed hold of the doorknob and twisted to ensure it was locked. Next, he encompassed the padlock in his hand and squeezed until it clicked shut. There had never been any crime near their property, but one could never be too careful. 

A sudden gust cooled the sheen of sweat on his temples, the back of his neck. Reaching up Cullen grabbed the collar of his t-shirt at his nape and pulled it over his head. Instantly, his flesh rippled with gooseflesh. He rolled his neck and shoulders then unceremoniously wiped his chest and underarms down with the soiled t-shirt before slinging it over his shoulder. Dante, sensing his unease, wandered over and leaned against him. Cullen bent over to scratch his shoulder, easing up when he came into contact with the scar, another unhelpful reminder at the moment, spanning his side.  


“Everything will be fine.”

His companion rumbled an agreement. 

“I should be more worried about what Dorian has planned for her anyway.”

A sarcastic sounding huff —  _ that’s for sure.  _

Cullen chuckled and rubbed the mabari’s ear between fingers and thumb. “I don’t know if that thought makes me feel better or worse.”

Dante swayed and bumped into him before heading back to the house. Cullen trailed in his wake, glancing at the clock as they entered. 

It was only 22:45. 

So much for trying to pass the time. 

Cullen and Evelyn didn’t go out without the other very often and to be honest, he missed her more than he worried. For some time the previous night, they had messaged back and forth. Mainly because the drunker he got, the more acutely aware of her absence he had become. Of course, he still had fun. Probably not as much as Cullen would have had she been there, but such was the way of things. Despite the horrifically large part of him that hoped she missed having him around tonight, he sincerely hoped Evelyn was having a good time especially since the event doubled as her birthday party. 

Thinking on these things, Cullen decided to message her. He didn’t want to seem needy or anything, but checking in wouldn’t hurt. Just a quick —  _ I love you — _ and perhaps a —  _ be safe —  _ would suffice.

Somewhere behind him Dante snorted as Cullen lifted his phone from the breakfast bar. 

“Shut up,” he said as he rubbed at the involuntary smile tugging at his mouth. “She messaged me first.” 

A lot. 

And he suddenly didn’t feel so alone in missing her company.

**Contact:** My Mage  
  
**Today** 18:28  
**Evelyn:** You’re probably going to be upset when you see Dorian’s birthday present, but I hope it’s short lived because I can’t take it back.  
  
**Evelyn:** We’re having dinner at The Wayward Nug. (Red Heart) I love those bleu cheese chips.  
  
**Evelyn:** Salmon is on special (Raised Hands In Celebration)  
  
**Evelyn:** I only had 2 glasses of wine and ate a disgusting amount of food/cake, so hopefully I won’t be as shitfaced as you were last night (Kissy face)  
  
**Evelyn:** I also have a lot of new lingerie. Not all of it is flattering or practical (Scared Face)(Laughing Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** We’re going to that new dueling piano bar. The Broken Key? I’m not sure that’s the name & Dorian isn’t being helpful at the moment.  
  
**Evelyn:** Party buses are weird.  
  
**Evelyn:** Apparently sparkly shots are a thing.  
  
**Evelyn:** They’re… good. I’m ashamed I like this.  
  
**Evelyn:** Sera made me dance on the stage.  
  
**Evelyn:** I hope you’re busy or sleeping and not having an episode.  
  
**Evelyn:** Or dead...  
  
**Evelyn:** ARE YOU OKAY?! (Crying Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** My finger hurts.  
  
**Today** 22:51  
**Cullen:** I’m fine. I was just in the shop. Sorry if I worried you. Unless Dorian reanimated a nug, I think I’ll be okay with whatever he got you.  
  
**Evelyn:** (Crying Face) I’m so happy you’re alive. ILY  
  
**Cullen:** Love you too. Why does your finger hurt?  
  
**Evelyn:** I got a tattoo.  
  
**Cullen:** Hilarious.  
  
**Evelyn:** I thought so. (Red Heart)  
  
**Cullen:** (Annoyed Face) Are you staying at the piano bar all night?  
  
**Evelyn:** No idea. I won’t be sad if we do. It’s fun here.  
  
**Cullen:** So what is a sparkly shot?  
  
**Evelyn:** Delicious.   
  
**Cullen:** That’s reassuring. Drink some water regularly.  
  
**Cullen:** Please.  
  
**Evelyn:** I was told water is for pussies.  
  
**Cullen:** Did Dorian say that?  
  
**Evelyn:** (Laughing Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** Mia!  
  


Cullen was in the middle of sending his dear sister a message when Evelyn texted again. 

  
**Evelyn:** Don’t bitch her out! I already have a nice big glass of water. Courtesy of Lels (Red Heart) my second one since arriving in fact. (Smug Face)  
  
**Cullen:** (Judgy Face)  
  
**Evelyn:** Shhhhhhh... Go sleep. I’m sure you’re still feeling last night.  
  


Of course, she was right.

Unfortunately, the remnants of the lyrium withdrawals were always the worst under stress or after a night of heavy drinking. Exercising and working in the shop helped curb that some. At least then when the aches and exhaustion caught up with him, they felt earned. To head it off some, Cullen took another dose of ibuprofen and chased it with a full glass of water. Once finished, he tossed his t-shirt into the laundry room, put on some random documentary and laid down on the sofa.

  
**Cullen:** Be safe.  
  
**Evelyn:** Don’t worry! SLEEP! I’ll be back in a couple of hours.  
  
**Cullen:** Wake me up when you get home.  
  
**Evelyn:** Of course (Red Heart)  
  


And she did, just not in a way he was hoping for.

The front door slamming into the wall startled him awake. Instinctively, Cullen reached for a weapon that wasn’t there but quickly got his bearings when he heard Evelyn and Sera shushing one another through fits of giggles. He was pushing himself off the couch when Evelyn screamed and an avalanche of things crashed to the ground. The cry was so loud and startling that for one horrifying second, Cullen feared she seriously injured herself.

“Oh shite!” Sera barked out, voice shaking with laughter. “Inky down!”

“Fuck you, buttercup,” Evelyn managed through a renewed bout of uncontrollable laughter.

While Cullen was no longer concerned for her safety, he was considerably worried about how drunk they sounded. Their words were thick and slurred, and when he came around the corner, Cullen couldn’t say he was surprised by the sight that greeted him. Evelyn was on her ass surrounded by gift bags; seemingly resigning herself to her fate on the floor as she struggled to pull off her boots. Sera was swaying precariously, trying her best to right everything that had fallen over and was epically failing.

“I’ve got this, Sera,” Cullen assured. Evelyn’s head snapped up, and a hint of color stained her cheeks a charming shade of pink.

“Great! I’m too fucked up to be o’ use.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened, and she turned to grab her friend. “No! Wait --”

Sera stumbled back. “Nope! Nooooooo!” The elf managed to grab hold of the door handle as she unceremoniously kicked a couple of the bags of out her way. “Don’t want no part o’ this!” She said a split second before she slammed the door shut behind her.

“Part of what — _Inky?”_

Evelyn fidgeted with the gauze wrapped around her right pointer finger. “I wasn’t joking about the tattoo.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Seriously?” The word came out on an exasperated sigh.

“Can we not fight about this right now?” Her voice wavering unnaturally with emotion.

There was a fine line between happy drunk and emotional drunk with Evelyn, and the last thing he wanted to see right now was her cry. When he dropped his hand and looked at her, he found her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“Please?” She added at his silence, throwing up her hands in a defeated gesture.

Cullen squatted down to help his mage remove her remaining boot. “I’m not mad at you.”

Evelyn frowned then, the action slight. “You’re not?”

“I mean, I’m not exactly thrilled.” Averting his gaze as she wiped at her eyes and sniffled, he set her boots against the wall and began to line up the small gift bags next to them. They could be dealt with later. “But it’s not a big deal.”

She grabbed hold of his forearm, halting his progress, but didn’t speak until amber met evergreen. “Promise?”

“I guess I should ask what it is first,” Cullen admitted thoughtfully.

“It’s not a dick or anything terrible.” Evelyn released him to pluck her phone from her coat pocket. Almost dropping it, twice, before handing it over.

Cullen pressed the home button to light up her lock screen. The sight coaxed a chuckle from his chest. Evelyn let out a puff of air, relaxing slightly.

“You come home all the time with little mustaches doodled on your finger. I can’t say I’m surprised.” He tucked her phone back into her coat pocket and wrapped an arm around her to help her to her feet.

“I’m just glad you’re not mad,” Evelyn managed through a yawn.

Cullen chuckled. “Let's get you to bed.”

She rested her hands on his chest and smiled up at him. “Carry me?”

Pressing a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth, he gripped her bottom and lifted. With a little giggle, she wrapped her legs around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder.

Upstairs, he helped her out of her jacket, made sure her phone was on silent and set them both on the settee. He then dragged her into the bathroom to make her take some ibuprofen and finish an entire glass of water. Eventually, teeth were brushed, and he got Evelyn into one of his Order t-shirts. He barely had her tucked into bed when she bolted upright.

“Everything’s spinning. I need t’sleep on the floor.”

“Sure, just wait a moment.”

He laid the comforter down on the floor. It was thick enough that it should provide a decent cushion. A few pillows and one of her fuzzy blankets tossed in, and they had a makeshift bed.

“You don’t need to sleep down here with me,” Evelyn murmured as he laid down next to her.

Gently, he brushed her hair back away from her face to glide a thumb against her cheek. “I want to.”

She smiled a little. There and gone in a flash. “Thanks for always taking such good care of me.”

“I could say the same.”

“I don’t know. It seems like I only cause problems for you.” Evelyn sniffled and turned her face into the pillow a moment to wipe away a stray tear that fell. Whether she was referring to the silly finger tattoo, his insistence on having security at their wedding, or perhaps even her struggle to conceive didn’t matter — none of it was a _problem._

“You don’t. At all.” Cullen dragged her closer and tucked her head underneath his chin. “What makes you think such a thing?”

His only answer was silence, and soon his mage was sound asleep in his arms. For the first time in a long while, sleep evaded him, and Cullen spent the remainder of the night wondering how he had failed her in this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already established lyrium is no longer alive since the Veil was torn down, but because I overthink, I'm going to clarify the following:  
> \- The Chantry/Order acknowledges lyrium is only necessary to introduce Templar abilities, **but** continuing to take it enhances their physical abilities (strength, vitality, etc). Eventually, a Templar becomes addicted/dependent on it, and it's easier/safer for them to continue taking it.  
>  \- Evelyn did her dissertation on how lyrium damages/weakens the body after long-term usage. With these points outlined, a safe, controlled way was developed for those who wish to detox completely. Slowly weaning (as Ez did) is safer/easier on the mind/body, but Cullen went cold turkey & thus had a more difficult time.  
> -I tried to loosely follow canon when it came to the withdrawal symptoms, and I gloss over Cullen's/Ez's struggles a lot because this is supposed to be a fluffy-smutfest.
> 
> (KILL ME. I know no one cares, but now it's out of my head.)
> 
> **Next time: Birthday spankings...**  
>  ________________________________________________________________
> 
> ART:
> 
> 1\. Because [Kawereen](http://kawereen.tumblr.com/) is an absolute sweetheart, she sketched Evelyn in a couture dress _*cries*_ \-- it's so pretty.  
> 
> 
> 2\. and commissioned art from[Chatnoir-art](https://chatnoir-art.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	28. Angle of Incidence**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angle of Incidence: angle between direction and motion of waves and a line perpendicular to surface the waves are striking.
> 
>  **i.e.:** Evelyn gets a spanking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter specific tags: restraints, orgasm delay/denial, spanking]

After having spent most of the day wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito and watching tv or sleeping it was about time she washed up. 

“Hey!” Evelyn called over her shoulder as she turned on the shower. 

Cullen’s head peeked into the bathroom. “Hm?”

“Are you going to join me?” She gave him a sidelong glance; one corner of her mouth curled up at the implications hidden underneath what she was suggesting.

“I showered while you were napping,” he said, matching her semi-amused expression with a smirk of his own.

The room was already beginning to steam from the temperature she preferred. “That’s never stopped you before.”

“True.” His smile pulled wider as Cullen watched the subtle sway of her full breasts with each step she took out of her panties. Intentionally, Evelyn shifted her hips to keep her neat, trimmed patch of hair from view and deliberately slid her fingers up her thigh in blatant invitation. 

“But I’ve got something else planned for you,” he said in a low voice. 

The promise those words held sent hot spikes of need down through her. “I guess I should hurry then.” 

“Please do,” he murmured, giving her naked form one last appraising look before disappearing from view. 

When she stepped into the water, it was bliss. The hot stream cascaded over her skin and soaked through her long hair. Despite the sharp arousal coursing through her, Evelyn took her time. Placed her focus solely on cleaning herself with gentle, languid strokes. It was a poor substitute for the way Cullen paid attention to her, but just knowing he was impatiently waiting for her shot warmth and pleasure immediately down to her center.

Cullen had been abnormally quiet throughout the day, and while it bothered her, chose to let it be. The stress of everything had been getting to him as much as it had been to her, and all Evelyn felt she could do was hope it evened out soon. It didn’t appear to be adversely affecting their relationship in any way, and for that, she was grateful. 

Evelyn tilted her head back into the now lukewarm water one last time before turning the shower off. She exited and dried herself off. Deciding to forego clothes for obvious reasons, Evelyn wrapped the linen around her and dabbed a little bit of Cullen’s favorite perfume on her neck. The split-second she stepped out of the bathroom Cullen grabbed her arm and pulled her sideways into him. 

Bringing her hands up to stabilize herself against his bare chest, she yelped in surprise. 

“Was that you hurrying?”  

“Not at all,” Evelyn hummed as she untied the drawstring of his pants. Before she could get any further, Cullen spun her around and held her wrists together against the small of her back in one hand. 

“Perhaps I should punish you.” His breath was hot and warm against the shell of her ear, and Evelyn shivered. From his words as much as the metal cuff locking around her wrist. The situation was unfathomably erotic to her. It made Evelyn flush with barely controlled excitement, and her legs began to tremble with anticipation once her wrists were secured together. 

“What do —“ was all Evelyn managed before Cullen opened the towel and let it carelessly fall to the floor. The cold air hit her skin as he palmed at her breasts.

“It is your birthday, isn’t it?” Cullen mumbled, rolling her nipples, already pert with her own arousal, between his fingers. The sharp pain in them, a sure sign she was still in the fertile window, made her inhale a quick breath. 

She nodded urgently, imparting to him that she wanted this. 

At that, Cullen pushed her forward toward the settee, gentle, but insistent. A small, needy sound left her when he hemmed her in against the armrest. Without hesitation, Cullen turned her head and angled her chin up so his mouth could crash down on hers. He painfully pulled her hair, and the entirety of her mouth was his to claim. A pleased sound rumbled from him as he deepened the kiss, seemingly intent on devouring her. 

Evelyn leaned into him, squirming a little at the feel of his erection through his pants against the side of her hand. His hold on her hair tightened, bordering on painful once again until she stopped trying to rotate her wrist and broke away with a whine. 

Cullen kept her close. His labored breaths gusted across her upturned face, but Evelyn was lost in the darkness of his eyes.

“Please,” she pleaded when the stillness stretched for longer than she could take. Taking a chance the mage leaned up to brush their lips together — ever so slightly. Almost reverently he stroked the side of her face, thumb tracing her cheekbone. Evelyn sighed, closing her eyes to enjoy the touch.

Cullen ran his nose down the side of hers and palmed her neck. “Bend for me. Put your pretty, little ass on display,” he rumbled, firmly squeezing her left buttock.

With a small gasp, Evelyn nodded and stole one more searing kiss before doing as told. She positioned herself so her pelvis would rest atop the padded armrest and leaned over it. Ever the gentleman, Cullen had placed a few pillows, so she had comfort and support for her upper half. Wiggling a little, Evelyn settled herself. 

Head down, ass in the air her, Cullen hummed a satisfied sound as he pressed his clothed cock against her. His rough hands flattened on the middle of her back and moved up. There was no stopping the moan that ripped from her throat when he leaned over her to rub her shoulders and neck a moment.

“I'll give you a rub down afterward.” She could hear the smile in his voice, and it quickly brought one to her own face. 

“Promise?”

“Of course, love,” he murmured, smoothing his hand across her ass. “But first…”

Evelyn held her breath as he stepped away from her. There was barely a half-second pause before Cullen brought his hand down in a sharp smack. A bloom of tingling pain skittered across her buttock. A second followed immediately in its wake. 

“Count.” It was an order, and she obeyed. 

“Two.” The word came out on a little gasp. 

Her left cheek got the same treatment. 

“Four,” she panted, feeling her heart hammer in her chest as her excitement swelled. 

Cullen placed a hand on the small of her back and pressed down to hold her steady. Then a series of blows rained down upon her and Evelyn uselessly struggled against the cuffs. She whined pitifully as her ass began to burn unpleasantly, and yet the moisture and warmth between her legs were reaching levels near unbearable. 

“Eight!” She gritted through clenched teeth. 

“Good girl,” he praised. A soft moan escaped Evelyn’s lips, and she hitched her hips higher, wanting more. Chasing that feeling of having done something  _ right.  _

His next blow fell ruthlessly on the tender flesh at the lower curve of her cheek, the meeting of thigh and ass. A second immediately followed for the other side. 

“Shit!” She yelled as fire bloomed across her backside. Evelyn had never been flogged before, but she imagined his hand felt close enough. “Ten!”

“Your ass is already such a pretty shade of pink.” Evelyn felt Cullen place a soft apologetic kiss on her rear. Then he ran two fingers down her slit, parting her. She managed to gasp a little plea as fingers pressed against her entrance.

He ignored her. 

The touch continued down to find her clit. Cullen trapped the bundle of nerves, already swollen and sensitive, between finger and thumb. Briefly, they squeezed together, giving her pressure, but no friction. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours yet?”

To say she was confused was an understatement. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The words left her in a breathless rush. Evelyn was a little concerned with the situation she now found herself in but had trouble holding onto that when he lazily began to rub up and down over the hood of her clit, massaging her. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m serious, Cullen, what are —“ she broke off with a deep moan when the hand on her back left to sink two fingers all the way home. 

“Maker… You’re so wet…”

Her entire body flared with heat at the sudden gravel in his voice. She was so, so sensitive and wound up, her back arched automatically into his ministrations, wordlessly encouraging him on. 

He obliged. 

His fingers curled inside her with each plunge into her body, brushing against that spot that made her see white. His other hand danced mercilessly over her clit. Evelyn could hear herself murmuring  _ please  _ and  _ Cullen _ and her hips moved restlessly into his hand and right when she was on the cusp of release he pulled entirely away. 

It felt like Cullen put his entire strength behind the next strike on her already tender flesh. Her whole body jolted from the force of it, and the sound that left her was raw and  _ real.  _

“Count, Evelyn,” Cullen demanded, followed by another  _ crack  _ against her abused skin.

_ “Twelve!”  _ Evelyn tried to writhe but stilled when Cullen firmly placed a hand in the center of her back. 

“Relax, love. I’ve got you.” 

She took a deep breath and made a conscious effort to relax despite how painful the last two blows had been. Only then did Cullen continue. The next eight smacks came down hard and fast enough to bring tears to Evelyn’s eyes.

“Twenty!” She gasped. “Please, I need —“

“Shhh, my sweet, little mage,” Cullen cooed as he lovingly rubbed the sting away. “I know what you need. Be patient for me.”

Evelyn nodded and made some breathless affirmation at the pressure on her clit. 

“Good girl.” Cullen started to trace lazy circles around it, and she moaned shamelessly. 

“See? Isn't this nice? You love this, don't you?"

“I do,” she confessed.

“You are beautiful like this. So ready and wanting.” His voice, hushed and revenant, was another stimulant to bring her closer to the edge. All she could manage was a whimper of agreement as his fingers traveled up to slip inside her. 

Cullen worked her slowly. His fingers pumped in then pulled out. Each motion punctuated by a brush of teasing friction against her clit. Evelyn whimpered when his fingers unexpectedly changed course, but the sound morphed into a long drawn out cry as he put pressure on her asshole. 

“I love that you’re mine… That I can do anything I want to you.” 

“Cullen, I —“ she couldn’t finish because his arousal coated finger pressed inside her and began to move. 

“I’m going to fuck you here,” he said, adding a second finger which provided a pleasant stretching sensation to the already pleasurable stimulation. “On the night you officially become mine.”

The thought only made her arousal spike, and a loud moan ripped from her. 

“Do you want to come?”

“Yes! Please!” Evelyn was nearly mad with want. 

“Soon,” he promised as his hands vanished from her body. “We’re almost done.”

In preparation, Evelyn tensed, but it was unnecessary. Unlike earlier, Cullen started with light smacks that just barely stung, slowly working his way up in intensity. For the finale, he brought his hand down in a loud, obscene whap that shook through her entire body. The hot pain was strangely satisfying. Leaving her with an odd sense of accomplishment that ran up her spine in a shiver. 

“That’s my girl,” Cullen praised, freeing her hands. “Now come here.” 

Wiping at the tears in her eyes, Evelyn pushed herself into a standing position. Ever so gently, he lifted her into his arms and deposited her into the bed. Cullen lightly brushed away the remaining moisture on her cheeks. 

“You okay?”

Evelyn nodded and then buried her face in the crook of his neck a moment. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

“Flip over for me.”

Once settled as instructed, Cullen straddled her thighs. Next, the scrape of a jar opening. There followed the faint medicinal smell of elfroot buried under the intoxicating scent she’d come to associate only with Cullen — oakmoss and elderflower. 

“Don’t use that on me,” Evelyn objected.

“Just hush and let me take care of you,” Cullen kindly said as she felt a warm, steady touch smooth over her backside. Moments later, the elfroot began to work, seeping into her flesh and muscle with a tingling, cooling sensation. Entirely negating the burning soreness left behind by the spanking. 

Evelyn moaned. 

He chuckled as his hands brushed her hair aside to get to her shoulders. It was light at first, an exploratory glance of his hand, but then the touch became firmer, and Cullen began to work. 

Evelyn hadn’t felt particularly tight, but almost immediately he found a spot to concentrate on. It felt achingly good and bad all the same time, but Cullen always knew her better than herself. He continued to knead the knotted muscle for a minute or two, working in the cream, before his hands would move elsewhere. 

He moved through muscle groups, checking with determined focus for any tension to work out, and then merely rubbed her upper body, including her arms and hands, all over with no apparent purpose other than relaxation. Briefly, Cullen massaged her shoulders again, before paying exceptional attention to her neck. With his hands pressing and sliding all over her skin in such a way, soon Evelyn found herself feeling boneless but tight.

At that moment, Evelyn never wanted him to stop, but she also needed him more than ever.

“Cullen?” It felt like the first time either spoke in an eternity. 

“Yes, love?” His voice was rough with arousal, and it made her squirm a little. Cullen placed his hands, one atop the other, in the upper middle of her back and pressed down. All the tension in her every vertebra cracked loose, and she moaned.

“I need you.” 

“I need you too.”

The last shreds of coherent thought flew out of her head when he settled over her. Evelyn angled her hips to welcome him home. His cock, throbbing and hot, hilted with one smooth, silken stroke. The groan that rend from him as he entered her made Evelyn feel like she was a treat waiting just for him. It rolled over and through her, before settling low and warm in her with a thrum. It stroked the fire inside her instantly into an inferno. 

Tangling one hand in her hair to pull her head back, he nuzzled the skin below her jawline, deeply inhaling the scent of her perfume into his lungs.

“Maker’s breath, you’re so perfect.”

The overpowering need to have him move forced a faint whimper from her. 

“And you’re all mine,” he murmured, mouthing at her neck as he finally started to move. 

His thrusts were long. 

Unhurried. 

_ Maddening. _

Of course, it was easy to give herself over to him. Lose herself in the fullness only he could provide, his warmth, the comfort of knowing Evelyn had found her place in the world. However, after being edged twice the slow tightening in her lower back wasn’t anywhere near enough, and she arched into him, seeking more.

The shift allowed him to go deeper and Cullen rolled his hips into her with a satisfied hum. Beyond that, he was seemingly content to keep on with his slow pace. 

“Fuck me,” she breathed. “Please. Show me how much you need me.” 

Cullen groaned loudly into her neck, and his hand came up to tangle with her’s above her head. The grip was near bruising. Her whole body jostled from the overwhelming weight of him snapping into her, and a cry bordering on joyous left her at the way his cock began to pump into her. His control and restraint were long gone.

Her free arm reached behind her to touch him. To anchor herself in some way against his desperate movements as Evelyn encouraged him on with whispered endearments meant only for him. Her fingers dug into his curls as she began to tremble. Edging faster and faster toward climax and just as it crashed over her like a wave Cullen pressed his weight down into her. 

“I’m nowhere near done with you.”

Evelyn felt her legs jerk, and her breath stopped tight in her lungs as Cullen continued to fuck her. She could hear herself saying _please_ and _stop_ and _Cullen_ for the intensity of him thrusting into her shifted quickly from pleasure to overstimulation. That telltale buzz in her fingertips began to reach levels of concern, but he didn’t let up.

His free hand came up to wrap around her neck. It forced her head up and her back to arch a little more, allowing him to slide deeper, slam into that spot that made her see white. He lightly massaged her windpipe as he pulled at her mana. A reminder of how much control he had over her, but also that he had her too should she lose control herself. 

Evelyn forced herself to breathe through the intensity of it all for it would pass and she wanted nothing more than to please him. 

“That’s my girl,” he rasped into her ear for she whined as the pleasure began to return and ferociously tighten in her gut. “You’re going come for me again aren’t you?” 

“I —“ 

“Tighten around me. I want you to feel every inch of me inside you.”

Following his instruction, she clenched around him without a second thought. Every movement inside her immediately felt more intense and knowing Cullen got added pleasure out of it added to the thrill of it all. Her breathy, desperate whimpers gave way again to full-throated moans as the promise of a second orgasm swelled inside her. Her whole body was wound tight, hand aching from his grip as her other fisted in the blanket, seeking a way to ground herself. Cullen was close, she could tell, but she feared not close enough to avoid being overstimulated again. 

Cullen shifted a little over her, bringing his cock into more direct contact with her sweet spot. Instantly, Evelyn cried out and tensed again as she tumbled over the edge for the second time. The tight fluttering of her walls was enough to take him with her for his pace stuttered. 

“Ah! Maker’s breath, Ev. I’m —“

Evelyn mewled and panted, nodding in helpless agreement as her entire core sparked and lit up. His hand shifted to grip her jaw and turn her head. The kiss was sloppy and more teeth than anything as Cullen used her, grinding his hips into her as his cock twitched and throbbed through his release. 

Eventually, his body stilled and the kiss turned into something languid and searing. The grip on Evelyn's face lessened and he rested his forehead against her temple for a moment. His heart slamming, slow and steady, in his chest seemed to reverberate through her. After one more soft, chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth, he pulled out with a quiver of muscle and rolled off her. 

Her limbs were weak, shaky, but in a good way. She reached over and ran her fingernails through his chest hair, feeling the heavy beat of his heart calm, and was given a soft rumble of approval as his hand wrapped around hers to hold it in place. Cullen turned his head to look at her. A hint of a smile flitted across his features. There and gone in a flash.

“What’s wrong?” 

Cullen rolled onto his side to face her. “First, come here.” 

Evelyn found the capacity to do so as asked. Shifting onto her opposite side and scooting, so she was flush against him. One leg tossed over his hip, Evelyn pillowed her head on his bicep. Cullen brushed her hair back over her shoulder before settling his large hand on her waist as his eyes scanned her face. What he was searching for, Evelyn still wasn’t sure. 

“Is it this?” She asked, lifting her hand from his chest to place her tattooed finger under her nose. 

He chuckled. A sincere smile stretched across his face. “No, not at all.”

She stroked his cheek and he further relaxed into the pillow tucked under his head, eyes slipping shut. Had he said nothing was wrong, Evelyn would have let it go, but he didn’t. 

“Talk to me,” she said, scratching lightly at his whiskers. 

His eyes peeked open and he very much looked as if he didn’t want to say anything at all. 

“Please?”

A deep sigh left him. “Last night, you said you only cause problems for me.” Cullen seemed to frown then without doing so. His amber eyes imparting a hurt she’d never seen from him before. It gnawed at her, knowing she put it there.

“I know you were drunk, but I don’t understand how such a thing could even cross your mind,” he continued with a beat of hesitation in his voice. 

She palmed his face, an attempt to soothe away his pain. “I just…” A wistful smile curled at her mouth. She shrugged a shoulder. “Things should be easier.”

Cullen did frown then. “None of this is your fault though.”

“Isn’t it?” Evelyn removed her hand from his face and picked at her nails. “I know why you want security at the wedding. I might have broken ass lady parts, but I’m not stupid. If —“

His hand suddenly clamped down over her mouth. “Shut. Up.”

There was no stopping the smile that curled at her lips. Feeling it in the palm of his hand, Cullen started to smile too.

“Dammit.” He removed his hand from her face to rub his mouth and jaw a moment. Evelyn felt her grin grow even wider. “Stop it. I’m serious, none of this is your fault _— quit smiling at me.”_ He rolled onto his back with an exasperated noise and threw his arm over his eyes in an adorably dramatic gesture. 

“But I thought you liked it when I smile,” she said propping herself up on her forearm to look at him. His beautiful amber eyes peeked out at her from under his arm. “Awe, there’s my grouchy bear —“ she broke off with a squeal as he suddenly pinned her down with his mass.

“I’m not grouchy,” he insisted before giving her a soft, sweet kiss. 

“Maybe just more than a little stressed out,” she offered amicably, looking up at him with a sense of unease now that she was prompting him to open up. “And it shows.”

“It’s just… the thought of losing you—” Something in his expression broke, and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “I _— can’t.”_

Evelyn wrapped her arms around him. In the process, her eyes roamed over the scar covering her left hand and stretching up her arm. Over the years, it had healed well except for her palm and a few spots here and there on her hand. It wasn’t very noticeable, to her at least. For Cullen, however, it would forever be a reminder of what could have been. Evelyn knew it was true because as her fingers habitually traced the lines littering his back, she couldn’t help but think the same.

“You won’t,” she cooed softly. One hand slid up to card into his hair. She lightly ran her nails down his scalp. Cullen seemed to relax a little bit under her attention as his weight settled onto her some more.

The Order, well Samson in particular, had been kind enough to keep Cullen and her in the loop. It had been quiet for so long Evelyn was convinced Envy went back into hiding. Demons didn’t reach hundreds of years old by being reckless with their lives. All New Haven provided was a chance to wipe out a city, and despite her taking that from Envy, it would be suicide to go after her again. Even more so at the wedding with Blackwall Security on site among the mages, Templars, and Wardens who would be guests.

“Nothing will happen.”

“You don’t fear the possibility at all?” He asked after several moments of silence.

“Of course, I do,” Evelyn confessed.

Cullen lifted his head. One corner of his mouth was still curled down into an introspective frown. His honey-colored eyes were watery, not with tears, only overwhelming emotion.

“But I’m not as delicate as you think.”

“I don’t think that,” Cullen said hurriedly, going a little stiff. “Ok, maybe a little,” he amended. His muscles laxing again as she laughed. “You’re just so tiny.” He blushed then, a tint of pink that washed over his golden skin.

“Perhaps that’s why it’s left me alone after New Haven. So small, so strong, much magic.”

Cullen chuckled. The sound was deep and honest, and Evelyn loved the way it rolled through her.

She smoothed her hands across his shoulders. “Plus, I always have the celebrated Commander Rutherford around.”

“Damn straight,” he growled.

“See? Everything will be fine,” Evelyn murmured with a tired smile.

“You could try to sound like you believe yourself,” Cullen smirked then, his expression teasing.

The honest smile that tugged at her mouth then was reactive. “I’m just feeling a little discouraged lately. They made it sound so easy. Take these pills and bam — baby.”

“I know.” Cullen frowned then, the action slight. “We’ll step back. Get back on solid ground before actively trying again. We’ve got another year before your officially decrepit.”

Evelyn snorted. She couldn’t help it. “You sure know how to make a girl feel special.”

“I try my best.”

“And it always works.” Evelyn leaned up to find his lips her own. The soft sound that left him spurred a sudden need to deepen the kiss and taste him.

He responded immediately, opening his mouth fully as his tongue slid against hers with a heavy exhale through his nose. It was the type of kiss that sent shivers up her spine. Evelyn urged him closer like she wanted to disappear.

Cullen abruptly pulled back, looking a little outside himself. They kiss had gotten far more heated than she had intended.

“No matter how this all plays out, it won’t change how I feel about you; you know that right?” The question was a low murmur from his chest.

Evelyn sighed heavily, knowing deep down he wasn’t going to let the topic slide. “I know, but it won’t stop me from feeling like I’m failing you somehow.”

“The only thing you’re failing at is remembering you’re not in this alone,” he said then, making a lump of emotion settle in her throat. “Okay?”

Once she nodded, Cullen moved off of her, and she curled up next to him, using his shoulder as a pillow. He held her close, and Evelyn felt more unburdened than she had in several weeks. Her eyes slid closed as she enjoyed his incredible warmth and the feel of his thumb trailing back and forth on her shoulder. Soon his comforting presence lulled her to sleep.

That night, Evelyn dreamed of little boys with golden curls and innocent eyes and when she woke, she woke alone. It left her feeling like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders yet again and it was no one’s fault but her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might slow down a bit. Some stuff happened & I got a little discouraged, but I'm working through it. Plus, I need to give F&F some love; I haven't updated it in ages and I'd like to actually finish one of my WIPs. 
> 
> **Next time: The night before the wedding <3**

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! (Black Heart)
> 
> Excuse the temporary hiatus — the remainder of this fic is outlined & will be finished. Once I finish up the Noir AU for these two, I plan on returning to this fic. I have a full time job, two young kids, & had to stop putting so much pressure on myself to write. This is for fun & somewhere along the way, it stopped being fun. But it’s getting better every day :)


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